Get your own in order.

You could be in father figure mode today, WOLVEN. Some of your friends or colleagues could need some extra guidance or encouragement. You've always had a strong nurturing side. People love to come to you for a friendly hug or a pat on the head! Give out some good energy to people who are in need. You'll feel good if you take a few moments to reach out and offer some warmth to someone who feels cold.

Gary Numan - [Dark]--- Apparently, it snowed ealier. The high, yesterday, was 60 grad. Does this seem... Odd, to anyone else? Anyway, i did the meditation thing, earlier, and came to some useful conclussions, and kind of continued the earlier progresses. Had a... very interesting conversation. Well, more i talked, and i made the other person listen. I showed him what free will was, and explained the universe, and how, no matter what you do, who you are, or what machinations you have, you can't get out of this. (Tomandandy - [Snow Theater-Final Steps]). That everything you do, as soon as you 've done it, has always been going to happen, and you always had the choice to do otherwise, right up until the point when you Did it. Then it was done. The only place that it can be other, now, is in a different universe. That, really, anything he thinks of as rebellion and a new order is already there, as long as the multiverse, and all of its infinitudes, are here, and, unless he wanted to finally, overtly, admit to himself that destroying the whole damnedness of Creation was what he was after, he should, possibly, take his new-found free will, and rethink his position. Don't know if it'll have any effect whatsoever. But i felt that it was a good time to say it.

Rearranged my mental space, expanded the office, added some windows, integrated everything into myself, etc. Heheh. (QNTAL - [Palaestinalied]). Seriously, though. I like the feel of my heartbeat, there, as felt in simply living, and not, necessarily, putting my hand on my chest, or similar. Simply in breathing and living, that is a very nice feeling.

And i have two, maybe three questions, to which i would seriously like answers. Answer either here, in an email, or not at all. But i'd like it if you answered. Question the first: Do you belive in a "Soul" or similar? Question the second: How do you conceive of Yours? Not anyone else's, not "The Universal Soul," but the section of Soul (if you believe in it) the resides in you. Alternate question, for those answering in the negative to the first question, what do you think accrues "personality"? (Monty Python - [Sit On My Face]). That's all i'd really like to know, there. If you want to answer all of the above, feel more than free to do so. At some later point, i'm sure i'll talk about that, here, more than i have, already.

LUXT - [Spite]--- I watched "High Fidelity," today, for the first time. It was.... really close to home, as most Cusack films tend to be, for me. I mean, "Grosse Point Blank" was even weirdly twitchy. But this... there's a certain cathartic pain, there, in seeing that, and that kind of resolution. I recommend the film. I enjoyed it, quite a bit.

I'm really without much else to say, right now, so i'm going to go. Later.

Sweet Jesus, Yes!

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/godzilla.html

Oh, Yessssss....

Lethe?

Save Ferris - [Everything I Want To Be]--- Forgetting is a difficult proposition. I, honestly, don't like the idea of forgetting things. I like remembering and learning from everything, because i'm a freak like that. But, often, people will say things like "I want to just forget that it ever happened," or similar, and, so often, people drink to forget. But, do you really want to forget, or do you want to remember and not care? Do you want to desensitize yourself to it, and See it as There, but not touching you, anymore, becasue, by god, you beat it?

Carmina Burana - [Floret Silva Nobilis]--- Because, it seems to me that that's what happens, most often, when people drink "to forget;" they get retrospective, and they rant, and they spite the thing that drove them to this place (that place), in the first place. (OhGr - [Kettle]). So, you, out there, the 3rd or fourth, or billionth question of the evening: Why do you drink, if and when you drink?

Or otherwise intoxicate. Enhance, detract, forget, let it go?

Because letting go... you really don't need Dionysus' permission, you know? If you want to, you can. Promise.

Hm.

Evanescence - [My Immortal]--- Talked to my dad, tonight, and realised that we are very, very alike. It's kind of scary, and sort of comforting.

Poe - [Amazed]--- i'm going to bed. Answer the damned questions.

Or don't.

Dream Well

Power Outage. Again.

Power went out, this morning, all over the house, and i had to turn all of the breakers off and then On, again, to get everything working. Andby everything, i mean the bathroom electrics, as well as the modem, and router. That was very annoying. (kidneythieves - [Feathers]). Dreams of random things, and bits of family, and politics, and elitist families, and not wanting to eat their food, because i didn't want to be trapped there. Some kind of radio contest. raoin and saxshooter were there. It was like i was trying to get somewhere, by backpacking. Northish.

That talk with my dad, last night, made me realise that, honestly, i need to synthesize this all as best i can. He ranted, for a bit, like i do at you guys, and showed me that, in the end, there has to be the union of taking care of myself while fulfilling the obligations to-- and having compassion For-- others. I mean, it's not like that was his Goal, or anything, to teach me that, or maybe it was, but he wasn't like "You HAVE to understand this, son;" he just said it all, ranting. (Arrogant Worms - [The Mountie Song]). That was... nice. It simply might.. take a little more time, to get to that point where i can synthesize, more easily, and not have it... hmm, Outwardly show, and disupt. That utterly competent level. Or maybe that level's a dream, and a goal, like Perfection.

Maybe they're the same thing.

But, either way, it's a difficult propsition. I need to art, and write, and read, today, and tomorrow.. Got tests, coming up.

Tired. I'll talk to you guys later.

Things that run through your head, other than hamsters.

Did you ever get the sneaking suspicion that you killed your own twin, in the womb, and no one ever told you, because they didn't want to fuck you up, any worse than they figured your soon-to-be family life already would?

And on a completely unrelated note, have some more Chopping Block: http://choppingblock.org/d/20020108.html

*Smile*

I wondered, and there's the answer.

My mom just talked to me, about whether i feel at home, and what would make me feel such. Out of pretty much no where. {Her exact words being "Do you feel like a student away at college, or like a student at home, whose parents are away?" The answer being a combination of both and neither. She asked what i would wish for, if i could have one wish, in the vein of the converstation. Same as always: Either have everyone all in one place, or make traveling between the places easier. Theories of home. Hm.}

Oh yeah, i've been fired from Oglethorpe. I found this out, incidentally, when talking to Rob, last night. Rob's getting married, later this year. I'm throwing his bachelor party. Oglethorpe had my newest information. I made sure of it. And they never told me. That's simply Fucking Rude.

Later, i'll explain the meaning of life, the nature of the soul, and the real purpose behind free will.

ta

One of those moments.

I'm sitting here, thinking about the fact that people i went to Highschool with, are having children, and getting married. I'm freaked out. Early twenties. And, you know, i'd like to get married. I really would. I can see myself being married, in the not too distant future. And the fact that, right now... Jesus christ it's fucking with me...

The nature of my soul, in my opinion: Existant energies, encompassing the entirety of everything i am, and could be, from the perspectives that i hold, universally. So, an energetic window on infinity. i see mine as silver on black fire, with a sound like a hissing roar, and silence. Smells like ashes, snow, and the woods. Slightly of electricty, and a taste like tears and ozone. That's me, as i see me, right now... Most of the time.

The meaning of life is that it ends, and, before it does, for you, you do something with it, you make it worth something. You find somethin, in the universe, worth purveying, and protecting, or showing, for its vulnerability, and you do so, with all of your heart and the affore-mentioned soul. It's important. You have to understand impermanence, and the nature of Endings, and learn to Appreciate your Beginnings. You do that through Continuity-- sustaining your ideals. Changing though they may turn out to be.

Free will is inherent in everything, because without choice, and the ability for things to be different, the universe is a control experiment, or a lock-step march, from one end to the other, stopping in entropy, or not at all. And, again, that's pointless. Choices, creations, endings. And so on.

There's your answers. Doesn't mean you have to agree. But you didn't ask, so there's your damned answer...

Now i'm off to... i don't know. Stare at your pets.

Ta.

{If you were the spokesperson for a minority group, it's safe to bet that people would listen to you today. What you have to say could help change certain mentalities. Whether you do this for yourself or for the community around you, what you express today could be extremely beneficial to you. You may be able to reap the rewards of this experience in the near future. So don't be afraid, WOLVEN, speak! It's time to rid society of some of the old principles that keep it from evolving...

11.54:Mindless Self Indulgence - [Clarissa]--- That'd be nice.}