Never would i ever....

VNV Nation - [Darkangel (Azrael)]--- Want to know everything, all the tyme. i want to know what want to know, when i want to know it. Because i'm spoiled. i hate uncertainty. Making my decisions, based upon insufficient data has never appealed to me. It has always seemed to me to be a Bad Idea. And i hate wearing the Bad Idea Pants. So i try to know as much as i can, in any given situation. And it causes me pain. Frustration, more to the point. And i hate being Frustrated.

As it stands, there are some things i would have liked to have known, about... Hmm... 4 hours ago, and it would have given me a lot more to go with. But i didn't, so i didn't. And now i have to go with what i have. Oh well. Tell me things, people. If your life is in any way, or shape, or form directly connected to mine, then TELL ME THINGS. Especially if i'm a principle party in the conflict/decision/uncertainty. Whatever. Anyway.

The Wesley Willis Fiasco - [He's Doing Time In Jail]--- i still feel kind of dead inside. There's nothing for me to decide, except to keep breathing. And that doesn't matter that much, any more, if there's nothing else for me to do, here. i'm planning on making some selfish, "Hey look, i'm alive!" decisions, soon. Like eating the Sun. Or killing Odin... But that's Back Tracking, Isn't it?

Poe - [A Rose Is a Rose]--- i'm thinking, perhaps, i go head and do the Hell Mouth, thing i mentioned, but for different reasons. The Cross Planar, &c., &c. is coming along nicely. i simply want something to Do. This Emptiness is not working out nicely. Zenists be damned. i can Do and Be, at the same tyme. They are not mutually Exclusive. Simply because This Set says that, to achieve something, i must go about some thing a certain way, does not mean that that way is the only way to achieve that goal. There are multiple paths to the Same Destination. And if you like None of them? Make Your Own.

There was a quote that i wanted to use (Slipknot - [Wait and Bleed]), but i forgot what it was. Something that some one said, today. Probably Ness. Who knows. (VNV Nation - [Darkangel (Azrael)]) Maybe something i read... About the Symbol? And the Thing itself? Something in American Gods... Or on TV... Or Jin-Roh.... Something....

Good Nytes. Good Days. Dream Well

Post Script: The One Has Nothing To Do With The Other. My Dead Inside Is Not About Other People. It's ME.

Ta ta,
-W

Bottom

Bottom

My compassion is broken now. My will is eroded,now,
Desire stolen, now, and it makes me feel ugly.
I'm on my knees and burning.
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire.
So smell my soul burning.
I'm broken, looking up to see the enemy.
And I have swallowed the poison you're feedin' me ...
but I survive on the poison you're feedin' me,
and i am guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed..
it makes me feel ugly.
I'm on my knees and burning.
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire.
It makes me feel dead inside.

Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up at the bottom.

If I let you, You would make me Destroy myself
In order to survive you, I must first survive myself
I can sink no further and I cannot forgive you
There's no choice but to confront you,
To engage you,
To erase you.
I've gone to great lengths, to expand my threshold of pain;
I will use my mistakes against you.
There's no other choice.
Shameless now, nameless now, nothing now, no one now.
But my soul must be iron cause my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless, and my fear is Naked.

Dead inside.
Dead inside.
Dead inside.
Dead inside.
Nameless now, shameless now, nothing now, no one now.

Shit adds up
shit adds up
shit adds up
shit adds
You see me naked now, fearless now
naked now, fearless now

shit adds up,
shit adds up,
shit adds up,
shit adds up
shit adds up

It leaves me dead inside
Dead inside,
dead inside,
dead inside.

Hatred Keeps me alive,
Happiness keeps me alive,
Weakness keeps me alive
Guilt keeps me alive
At the Bottom.

©1994 Maynard James Keenan

"If I am to survive you, I must first Survive myself."

Let's see. Don't remember the dreams. Only getting 3.5 hours of sleep will do that to you, though... i remember that Jyn was there, somewhere. But that's mainly because i've been wondering if she was alive or dead. More with the movie theater set....

i think i need a World Tree.... And some rope... Or maybe i need to stay like this for awhile... Hm.. thngs i want, but i don't know why i want them... Dangerous proposistions... To class.

Oh, i found what i want: That Disturbing, Sensual, Predatory part of me? i want that to be out, all the tyme. But not in a Sex way. In a Presence way. The looks could amuse me, for a while, i think.

Day Dream Well