Show me what it's for. Make me understand it. I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer

Not so dead inside, anymore, i guess... Still don't feel like i have freedomof movement... But hey, i'm only 19. Who had freedom of movement and decision, at 19, right? Yeah. Anyway... Shite... It rather well sucks. There's been conflict, and miscommunication, and a lot of it is myfault, in some way or another. And it sucks. i'm tired of this. And people don't fucking talk to one another (Still), because it's too fucking hard, or some bullshit, of the same variety. And because they don't, and people around them do,There's issues.

Issues with the Way things are said, What things are said, Why they were said, and so on, and on, and on...And there's shit to do about it, except try your best to do what you think is right. And when you sit back and watch, for months, years, seconds, days, Ticks on end, you start to get a little edgy... It's either act, or stop caring, or go insane. Well, i've done all three, now. i care, in some ways, but i'm pretty sure you couldn't define them, or apply them in any "normal" sense. But, over all? i don't care. Not about much.

i care about myself, and the Truth, and the mental and physical well being of those aound me. This does not mean that i am going to take an active role in trying to get you to be happy. If i see untruth, i will correct it. If i see a threat to your life and light, i will warn you of it. If you try to fuck with me, i swear by all i hold holy i will fucking detroy you. One way or another. And that about sums it up.

You don't know me by now. Not fully. i don't care who you are. i've grown, and i've changed. i don't even fully fucking know me, right now. So don't think that you know me. There may be surprises in store for all of us, when all is said and done. Yes? Yesss. If you want to start knowing me, start by asking, answering, thinking, and feeling Truthfully. Don't lie to me. Certainly don't lie to yourself. And i don't care how ok not knowing makes it. Saying it's not there is not the same as saying "I don't wnt to know." Straight up.

And now i leave you. i haven't yelled, this tyme... i don't know that you can even rightfully call it a rant...

Good Nytes. Good Days. Dream Well

GO HERE NOW!!!

http://www.penny-arcade.com/view1999-01-15rl.html

YOU HEARD THE SUBJECT LINE!!

Dreams...

i'm in a parking lot, going into a gas station convenience store. There is a man in a car behind me, and he's slowly backing over my dog. The dog is not crushed under the wheels of the car, but the Life Force is crushed out of the Dog, By the car. After the front end clears the dog, it's dead, and the car proper hasn't even touched it, save the muffler. My vantage point runs over and yells at the guy, screaming that he just backed over her dog. He tells her that he can't move the car, she is on the edge of hysterics. She runs over to the guy blocking the other guy in. He's in a large white car, she yells at him to back up. He backs up, almost rams a gas pump guard rail, and blames her. The other guy moves. She goes to stand next to the entrance to the place, so she can see her dog, from 15 feet away. It's dead.

She's in an apartment with two or three other boys. Their mother is off at work. They're arguing over something.

The view switches to the top of a parking deck, which is also the way out of the apartment, though there are no doors, save the stairwell.

The apartment is also the gas station, and they are stealing something important from their counter display, which is their living room. They leave to go outside.Outside, they run into the Physical Sciences teacher who ran over their dog. They wave at him, and he is now their guardian. He knows their mother.They walk over to a white car, and inside is the body of a woman, which sits up and moves, as they get in the car. It's their mother, which is to say my mother.

i'm in the Hotel/Movie Theater, again, and i'm watching everything that just happened. And i'm talking to other people, and There's something about an angel, that looks like the Epyon. i stand up, to leave. It gets fuzzy. i wake up

So there's some squakiness for you. i hate not remembering crucial things in dreams, like the people who tell you why you're having them. And i'm showing up in people's Dreams again, which is good. And it's all about the not picking a side. More on that later, maybe.For now, i'm up too early, because my roommate/ride to school decided that he wasn't going in this morning. Fuckin' hell...

Not going to the VNV Nation show. Too many hassles and issues, and week has been chock full of that, thank you very much. So for now, i go to find something to do, for two hours or so. Bastards.

Day Dream Well

"What I tell you three times is true." -Lewis Carrol

Gods. Become Them. Feed on your belief in yourself. It's like being a Human, only More So.

"'You got to understand the god thing. It's not magic. It's about being you, but the YOU that people believe in. It's about being the concentrated, magnified, essence of you. It's about becoming thunder, or the power of a running horse, or wisdom. You take all the belief and you become bigger, cooler, more than human. You crystallize.' He paused. 'And then one day they forget about you, and they don't believe in you, and they don't sacrifice, and they don't care, and the next thing you know, you're running a three-card monte game on the corner of Broadway and Forty-Third.'" Excerpt from "American Gods," by Neil Gaiman

Two down, dozens to go.

David Bowie - [I Have Not Been to Oxford]--- So three people seem to be on the verge of simply telling me to go screw. In the derisive, mean sense. Ah well. People are allowing life to get to them, recently. i did it too. i've decided to stop that. Getting pissy, and not doing anything about it isn't helping me. So Meh.

We shall see what we shall see.

This was a simple update, on occurrences. Follow their examples, though. If you want me to go eat shit and die, Tell Me.

Day Dream Well