The Worst Joke I Know
Jun. 2nd, 2006 02:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7This Joke is terrible, but not because of the content. You'll hate me if you finish it, I will warn you, now.
That is all.
There once was a little boy whose father told him that, if h got good grades in grammar school, straight A's in all of his course, then his father would get him anything he wanted. Well, the boy went through his courses, and excelled to the top of class, and the day came when all of the grammar school work was done. Seeing his perfect record, his father said to him, "Congratulations son! You did it! Now, tell me what you want, and I'll get it for you."
"Well, dad," said the boy, "What I really want is a ping pong ball."
His father was flabbergasted. "A ping pong ball? That's It?! Son, we're rich, I can get you Anything you want--"
"Just a ping pong ball, please." So his father obtained his son his heart's desire.
Along came the time when young Junior was to go into middle school, and his father told him, "Son, you were such a good student these past five years. If you can do it again, throughout all of middle school, then I'll give you anything you want."
Agai, the boy studied hard, and excelled. The day of graduation came, and he was made valedictorian of the middle school, and his father was so proud.
"Son!" he said. "You've done it again! Tell me what you want, and you shall have it!"
"Well father," said Junior, "I would really like it if you could get me 50 ping pong balls."
"50 ping pong balls?! Boy! We're filthy, stinking rich! I can get you a toy store, a candy store, comics enough for you to Swim in! And all you want is--"
"50 ping pong balls, please, Father." And so the father obtained his son his heart's desire.
Now came high school, and, aside from his strange affinity for table tennis, Junior's father was very proud of the boy, and continued to believe in him, so he told him, again: "Son, do well, these next four years, and I'll get you anything you want. Anything in the Entire World."
Junior studied hard. He surpassed all others in every subject--math, art, track and field, soccer, biochemistry. He became a modern Renaisance man, nay a God to his friends and peers, and was much beloved by teachers and faculty, as well.
He gave the speech at his school's graduation ceremony, and received a standing ovation, for his moving words. There was not a single person in the audience not brought to tears.
As his proud father put his arms around his son, he said, "Junior, you have made me more proud than any father could ever dare to dream. I can never repay you for the hope and light you have brought into my life, into the lives of everyone you've ever known! But, please, tell me what I might bring to you, my liege, and it is yours."
"Father, your words are too kind. I need not the praise, or the thanks, as it is what anyone would have, could have done, in my situation. No, all I ask, in return... Is a dumptruck full of ping pong balls."
His father's eye twitched, just a little.
Junior went off to college, destined to do well, destined to change the course of history and, after spending a session gentrly lecturing his professor on the Quantum indeterminacy of the Mona Lisa's smile, he was hit by a truck, on his way to lunch.
His father rushed to the hospital, where his son was clinging to life by one final thread. The nurse looked to the boy's father and said, "It's tragic, really. The only one who could have saved him... is him. There's not much time now. You may want to say your goodbyes..."
The proud father, more lucky than any man in history, went to the bedside of his wonderful son, sat down, and said, "Son, I want you to know that I have always loved you. You have done more for this world than any person, Ever. But even if you had been a drooling idiot boy, I'd have loved you, because you're my son. I only have one question to ask you: What did you need with all of those ping pong balls?"
The sone looked deep into his father's eyes and said, "Well, Father, you see--*"
That is all.
There once was a little boy whose father told him that, if h got good grades in grammar school, straight A's in all of his course, then his father would get him anything he wanted. Well, the boy went through his courses, and excelled to the top of class, and the day came when all of the grammar school work was done. Seeing his perfect record, his father said to him, "Congratulations son! You did it! Now, tell me what you want, and I'll get it for you."
"Well, dad," said the boy, "What I really want is a ping pong ball."
His father was flabbergasted. "A ping pong ball? That's It?! Son, we're rich, I can get you Anything you want--"
"Just a ping pong ball, please." So his father obtained his son his heart's desire.
Along came the time when young Junior was to go into middle school, and his father told him, "Son, you were such a good student these past five years. If you can do it again, throughout all of middle school, then I'll give you anything you want."
Agai, the boy studied hard, and excelled. The day of graduation came, and he was made valedictorian of the middle school, and his father was so proud.
"Son!" he said. "You've done it again! Tell me what you want, and you shall have it!"
"Well father," said Junior, "I would really like it if you could get me 50 ping pong balls."
"50 ping pong balls?! Boy! We're filthy, stinking rich! I can get you a toy store, a candy store, comics enough for you to Swim in! And all you want is--"
"50 ping pong balls, please, Father." And so the father obtained his son his heart's desire.
Now came high school, and, aside from his strange affinity for table tennis, Junior's father was very proud of the boy, and continued to believe in him, so he told him, again: "Son, do well, these next four years, and I'll get you anything you want. Anything in the Entire World."
Junior studied hard. He surpassed all others in every subject--math, art, track and field, soccer, biochemistry. He became a modern Renaisance man, nay a God to his friends and peers, and was much beloved by teachers and faculty, as well.
He gave the speech at his school's graduation ceremony, and received a standing ovation, for his moving words. There was not a single person in the audience not brought to tears.
As his proud father put his arms around his son, he said, "Junior, you have made me more proud than any father could ever dare to dream. I can never repay you for the hope and light you have brought into my life, into the lives of everyone you've ever known! But, please, tell me what I might bring to you, my liege, and it is yours."
"Father, your words are too kind. I need not the praise, or the thanks, as it is what anyone would have, could have done, in my situation. No, all I ask, in return... Is a dumptruck full of ping pong balls."
His father's eye twitched, just a little.
Junior went off to college, destined to do well, destined to change the course of history and, after spending a session gentrly lecturing his professor on the Quantum indeterminacy of the Mona Lisa's smile, he was hit by a truck, on his way to lunch.
His father rushed to the hospital, where his son was clinging to life by one final thread. The nurse looked to the boy's father and said, "It's tragic, really. The only one who could have saved him... is him. There's not much time now. You may want to say your goodbyes..."
The proud father, more lucky than any man in history, went to the bedside of his wonderful son, sat down, and said, "Son, I want you to know that I have always loved you. You have done more for this world than any person, Ever. But even if you had been a drooling idiot boy, I'd have loved you, because you're my son. I only have one question to ask you: What did you need with all of those ping pong balls?"
The sone looked deep into his father's eyes and said, "Well, Father, you see--*"
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no subject
Date: 2006-06-02 07:46 pm (UTC)I'm reminded of one, very similar, about a young boy who was mocked by clowns at the first circus he went to.
I nearly killed my boyfriend, when he was done with the HALF HOUR JOKE of NOTHING.
no subject
I love those jokes, because everyone gets so sucked in.
Ah, but you see
Date: 2006-06-02 08:10 pm (UTC)I have, after all, seen "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert."
Re: Ah, but you see
Again, like "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert," or maybe "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything. Julie Newmar"
Re: Ah, but you see
Date: 2006-06-02 08:47 pm (UTC)Whereas I, buoyed by The Ping Pong Ball Scene of "Priscilla," walk over the blank space you've left for me, Coyote-esque, and refuse to look down.
I've found that the perfect time to tell The Brick Joke is just after one of these jokes. People make a pattern assumption that makes The Brick loads funnier than normal.
Re: Ah, but you see
no subject
Date: 2006-06-02 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2006-06-02 11:19 pm (UTC)Actually, I don't hate you. If I'd had to listen to the joke, I might, but I read it in under a minute, and I've heard it before, so it wasn't too bad.
no subject