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Tricky - [Pumpkin]--- I am, again, not in a terribly great mood... People... People are putting all sorts of weird pressures on me, and while Yes, i know that they are joking, i really don't care. i don't feel like hearing this shit from anyone, right now. There are so many other things on my mind, right now, that i really don't feel like talking to people, if they're going to keep pressuring me, or prodding me, or poking at me to do Whatever the fuck. Even if they're joking. I really don't give a fuck.

I'm trying to do something with my life that i should, by all rights, consider insane. I'm trying to Create a Person, for gods' sakes. I'm trying to keep myself focused, and keep my Quality levels at such a place where it DOES mesh with how the world actually works, so I Don't snap, start gibbering to myself in a corner, and then start pissing myself, and shitting myself, because it's simply more convenient, and makes more sense to me than getting up and going to the BATHTROOM. I mean, is that OK?

Tricky - [Aftermath]---Für Sake des Bumsens habe ich keinen tatsächlichen körperlichen vertrauten Kontakt mit jedermann, in meinem Leben im Augenblick außer meiner eigenen fucking rechten Hand. I don't care how many of you didn't want to hear that. You heard it. I'm PISSED OFF and Expounding, right now, and i'm going to say what i want to say. All i want is for people to either support my decisions, or to stay the fuck out of my way. If you SERIOUSLY think that i'm going to hurt myself, then fine. Say so, Once. And i will either Listen to your concern, and take it into account, or i won't. All your repeated speaking at me, or pressuring me is going to do to me is make me pissed off, and not want to be around you. Do you understand? I'm trying to achieve something. I'm trying to make my life a bit more stable, and bearable. MAKE IT THIS WAY. Because the universe is not going to give it to me, and finding it, or any thing even close is GONE, right now. Find WHAT, i ask you. Find. What.

It's not there. Not for me to Find. Not in This World. So i've decided to Make it. Create it. Sing it into Being, if necessary. (Tricky - [Abbon Fat Track]). And it may well drive me insane. If you are afraid of being caught in the backlash of some sort of Fucked up psychic wave, then get the fuck out of my way. If you simply don't want to be in the presence of this person who has obviously gone deeply Insane, then, by all means, leave. But i refuse to give in or fold, here. I will continue along this path, until it is either no longer Necessary for me to do so, or i simply Cannot Do So, anymore. I really don't care how big you are. Or how badassed you Are. This isn't about Badass, anymore. This is about having the strength and courage to Go On, to Do what you Feel is right, no matter the consequences, because you plan on dealing with those, as well. This is about Dreams, and Needs, and Desires, and the idea that, if you want to be stable and sane, maybe you'll have to go through a bit of insanity to get there. Or a lot of Insanity...

Tricky - [Suffocated Love]--- I'm going to bed, now. Know that, in the morning, i may feel better, and i may not. Either way, the advice here still stands. Leave or stay. I would hope, of course, that you'd stay. But i know, of course, that this may not be the case. Come What May.

Dream Well

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February 2016

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