Have i ever told you how strange vulnerability is, to me?

[wolven7]

On the one hand, you have these people, so close, so tightly knit, and what they see and know of you is the bastard, the integral, the sharpened edges, and the spikes and fire. But they know there's something else, under there, too. Some magic land, guarded by the poisnous oleanders (I've been reading Shirley Jackson, today). When you let them in, of your own accord, they know you, they see you, soft and squishy... The two truths are there, not conflicting.

But when it cracks, and shows through, you've failed? You've somehow let them down, not being hard, when they need you to be? There are sharpened edges in the deepest velvety folds of anyone. It's the threat of dentata that lures, that ffrightens, that sends shivers... Intoxicating and revolting.

Being vulnerable is creepy, to me. I feel like i want you to see that i'm human, and soft, and can be hurt, but i never, Ever want you to know how. But i want you to know how, but not why. Why, but please don't do it to me, or i'll fucking rip your eyes out, piss in the sockets, and tell blind orphans it's the blood of the Christ. Don't you fucking Dare hurt me.

But understand that i can be hurt.

Vulnerability is strange, to me.

I'm for bed. If i see you, in the morning, it will be by chanced design.

Dream Well

Comments

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

Vulnerability is uncomfortable. It's also kind of exhiliarating. It's what allows pleasure, as well as chances pain. You open those deep, soft places, show your throat, allow someone to touch and maybe taste, and there is always a chance you'll be hurt.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

It's a fun dance, but a scary one. One informs the other.

[tribeofone.livejournal.com]

We all hide the softer parts of our selfs from others until we find a "safe space" to let them out. It is weird for all of us, especially those that practise emotional control.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Very true. Safe spaces are key, but confusing, if the goal is to be open and honest.

[(Anonymous)]

To be honest you do show that "soft squishy" side but you don't realize it... only it comes out more jaggaged and rough. We know you have that side and it feels once you show a little of it you turn around and become quiet and rigged. Besides with what you are saying here tells us "well I want to show you but I'm scared". Granted when you try to show these soft sides in person it is hard to see. We are used to you acting a certain way so when you try to show it for real we think either your joking or something else. I am not trying to be offensive here I am being honest. But really showing a more vulnerable side is really hard to do I understand that and we do see that sometimes you are trying... the thing I have learned is that if you keep doing it and not hideing in your shell then it wont hurt as much and then before you know it you will have a balance of both sides showing and if that is what you want... what ever it is you want to show that is (at least in my opinion) the only way to do it... if it hurts then its something you learn and then you grow from it.
Anyway that was my 2 cents.
Rosie

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I know i show it, and i know i get all quiet, when i do... It's because i don't know how to deal with what you've seen, and your reactions, or lacks thereof. Mostly it's the lacks that make me not talk, until the next one.

[(Anonymous)]

I see... it is hard for every one to notice at once... I'm just saying in order for you to feel comfortable with showing it you just have to keep doing it. But only if that is what you want
Rosie

[wolven.livejournal.com]

We'll see.