I found what i've been wanting....

[wolven7]

The Smiths - [Panic]--- It's validation, like i said, but not that "I'm good enough, smart enough, fuck you, if you don't like me.," No, validation that my external efforts are actually accomplishing something.

Muse - [Time Is Running Out]--- Everything feels like it's slowing down (or it did), and that people weren't seeing... Anything. I've felt more powerful, more capable, and more In the Moment, recently, than i can remember. It's actually been as if i've snapped my fingers, and things have happened, as i've wanted them. Not "vulgar displays of power," as a predecessor would have said, but simple application of will, and understanding of how to balance my actions, in such a way that... I get what i want and need. But No one Else was seeming to Notice. And I don't mean notice like "Hey, Wolven, you're fucking Amazing; here, let me sarafice this fatted calf, to your name and glory." (LUXT - [Perpetusex]). I mean Notice as in Realise.

I want everyone else to do it too, damn it. Not in the same way, or for the same reasons. I don't want everyone else to be like me (except in the fact of their possibly gaining full realisation of Self-hood); I want them to be like Them. Fully and completely Them, to be redundant. This is something that... seems to not be happening. Like everyone is down-trodden, and forelorn, at a time when there should be parties in the streets, and 6 billion parades, in every one's honour. And i don't understand what the problem is.

I want to see you be you. Totally you. I want to watch you do the things only you can do, and do them well. I want to see you, secure in yourself, birthing yourself into existence, literally and metaphorically, because, on a certain level, there isn't a fucking difference.

I want to thank you all for showing me what you are, at whatever point you did, because... It's a driving thing.

Thanks to electroncat, wacko1138, and thenowhere, for conversations, writings, talkings, workings, understandings. (The Art of Noise - [Moments in Love]). Helping me break through.

Also, the meme, here, has been modified.

Later. Off to do things. You should too, gods fuck it. Don't make me come in there.

Comments

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

How in Hells do you Keep doing it...? I've been so damned disillusioned lately, that I don't even want to bother, that I can't get my head into the proper levels to do so.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Arrogance. Stubbornness. Knowing that what i'm doing is, if Nothing else, exactly what i want to be doing. And that, in the end, That's what matters.