There's some things i've been ignoring...
Dec. 19th, 2004 11:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Oingo Boingo - [Winning Side]--- There's some shit going on in my every day, incarnate life, that i've not explicitly talked about. It's causing background stress, because there's nothing i can do about it. Now, part of me knows that there's nothing i can do about it. There is nothing to be done, at this juncture, and i should let it go, until that changes. Another part of me wants to Make those changes, but has no idea how to go abotu that, with the present level of information. (OhGr - [PawSee]). So, that creates conflict stress, in my head. The things, then:
My uncle is in Afghanistan, in a private security position. He's guarding the people who need guarding, and every time i think about it, i think about the Gibsonian private security firms. The ones with police/military level authority, on their own compound's grounds, with that level of training. And i'm worried about him, even though i know, very well, that he can take good care of himself. It also makes me wonder, when my family members start doing shit about which people write novels...
My older sister, i've recently been informed, is planning not to go back to college, next semester, in order that she may work more hours, and move out of the house in which she currently lives, with my father and step-mother. That title never sits well, with me, by the way; she's always just been her, or my other mom. (MDFMK - [Transmutation]). My sister has, ever since we were 15, had trouble with her mother, and they don't get along well, at all. They get into fights, and they go through periods of not acknowledging one another's existences. My dad tries to mediate, getting both of them to see each other's sides, and making sure that my sister is happy. He wants me to help her out, and talk to her about staying in school... And i want to do that, too... i just have no fucking Clue as to what i should say to her. It's her choice... i just don't know if she's made it, with full thought, or if she'll be severely unhappy, with it... Mrrrrr....
Thirdly, i'm pretty sure i failed my math class. That bothers me. (Tanzwut - [Bitte, Bitte]). There's not shit i can do about it, but i'm pretty sure i failed it. I understood the quadratics, and the logarithms, and the exponential ratios, and all of that... Everything toward the end of the class. But i blanked on the final, and i fucked up, in some other places. I never got the semester project in. Yeah... Going to have to take that again. Dropping my GPA. Fucking up my chances of getting the position i want, in GradSchool.
I feel like things are changing, rapidly, and that's Good, but i'm not moving fast enough, to keep up. Think about playing water glasses: Each one is full of a different amount of water, each plays a different pitch, note, key. (Don Henley - [The Boys of Summer (Comorbid Top Down Mix)]). Now put them on a moving track. You still have to play a cohesive, affecting, world-changing song, on them, not tip them over, and not shatter any of them, withthe notes form any others of them. That's what i feel like my life has become, right now... Not impossible, at all, simply difficult. Very difficult, with such small things.
So that's what i've been ignoring, in favour of the substance, to tie it all together. Trying to find that, i mean. Fuck it, I'm gonna go watch cartoons.
Later.
My uncle is in Afghanistan, in a private security position. He's guarding the people who need guarding, and every time i think about it, i think about the Gibsonian private security firms. The ones with police/military level authority, on their own compound's grounds, with that level of training. And i'm worried about him, even though i know, very well, that he can take good care of himself. It also makes me wonder, when my family members start doing shit about which people write novels...
My older sister, i've recently been informed, is planning not to go back to college, next semester, in order that she may work more hours, and move out of the house in which she currently lives, with my father and step-mother. That title never sits well, with me, by the way; she's always just been her, or my other mom. (MDFMK - [Transmutation]). My sister has, ever since we were 15, had trouble with her mother, and they don't get along well, at all. They get into fights, and they go through periods of not acknowledging one another's existences. My dad tries to mediate, getting both of them to see each other's sides, and making sure that my sister is happy. He wants me to help her out, and talk to her about staying in school... And i want to do that, too... i just have no fucking Clue as to what i should say to her. It's her choice... i just don't know if she's made it, with full thought, or if she'll be severely unhappy, with it... Mrrrrr....
Thirdly, i'm pretty sure i failed my math class. That bothers me. (Tanzwut - [Bitte, Bitte]). There's not shit i can do about it, but i'm pretty sure i failed it. I understood the quadratics, and the logarithms, and the exponential ratios, and all of that... Everything toward the end of the class. But i blanked on the final, and i fucked up, in some other places. I never got the semester project in. Yeah... Going to have to take that again. Dropping my GPA. Fucking up my chances of getting the position i want, in GradSchool.
I feel like things are changing, rapidly, and that's Good, but i'm not moving fast enough, to keep up. Think about playing water glasses: Each one is full of a different amount of water, each plays a different pitch, note, key. (Don Henley - [The Boys of Summer (Comorbid Top Down Mix)]). Now put them on a moving track. You still have to play a cohesive, affecting, world-changing song, on them, not tip them over, and not shatter any of them, withthe notes form any others of them. That's what i feel like my life has become, right now... Not impossible, at all, simply difficult. Very difficult, with such small things.
So that's what i've been ignoring, in favour of the substance, to tie it all together. Trying to find that, i mean. Fuck it, I'm gonna go watch cartoons.
Later.
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New Year's Toast
Date: 2004-12-20 04:57 pm (UTC)Though I have to say, it could be worse. Your uncle could be in Iraq...you know its a fucked up world when you can say you'd rather be in Afganistan than [insert anyplace else] with no irony or sarcasm.
Re: New Year's Toast
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 11:50 pm (UTC)"How long until you graduate?"
"Is it worth it to postpone that date (a long term beinifit for short term gains)?"
"How are you going to afford to pay tuition and rent once you move out?"
"when will you go back?"
"can I have permission to punish you if you don't go back?"
etc that may get her to thinking about unintended consequinces of her actions I took a year off to make money in 1996 and didn't get back until 2002
no subject