A long day...
Dec. 3rd, 2004 11:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast - [Let Me Rest In Peace]--- Last night, went to R Thomas, with a bunch of people. Al, Bob, Brandon, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
atlqueenrai, Rosie, Devin,, kyrael, and his friend Ben. We went there, and drank ass tons of coffee, scaring the new girl with our consumption of both the Bean and the Cane. She had to fill 7 pots of coffee, just for us. Which is nothing, really. Kate, one of our regular servers, has had to brew three gallons, for us, in a night, before. (Jane's Addiction - [Jane Says]). Everything was gravy, until someone brought up the subject of my 19th birthday party.
My 19th birthday party was Epic. Its tale, along with that of the 2001 New Year's Party, at the dorms, has become the standard by which all other parties are judged, and that makes me... weird-feeling. I don't much like the story of my 19th birthday, as it ended in tears (litterally) for a few people, and a friend of five years, stopped speaking to me, afterward. Which, considering the events, i can kind of understand, but it still makes me sad. (Yeah Yeah Yeahs - [Art Star]). Anyway, i always feel bad, after i tell that story. I feel a little worse, inside, and i feel guilty, and i almost regret the whole thing... But today something happened. Today, i realised that i did all i could.
I gave people a way out. I made it ok, for them to stop, and some people did. But not everyone did. (Gary Numan - [Dominion Day]). Hell, not everyone even listened to me, as i was saying anything, but i gave a way out. And, short of physically pulling people out of the sticky, marshmallow cream-covered pile, that's all i could have done. It was their choice, their actions, and they've no one to blame, for the outcome, but themselves. Or no one to congratulate, depending on their feelings about the whole thing.
I was not willing to forcefully remove their choices, so they made their choices, and i helped clean up the Aftermath, if they wanted me to. Incidentally, that song was stuck in my head, as i was in the proces of said cleaning. Anyway. Telling that story kind of wiped me out.
I got home, at about 3.40am, and went to bed, by four, to wake up, at about 11. (Dream - [My Will (Comorbid Remix - Unfinished)]). Really, i woke up a few times before my alarm, as seems to be the standard, but my slep was so fucked up, i only remember that I dreamed of the movie theater in the Mall, inmy head, and that there were several movies, being watched by all of us, who were at R Thomas. Anyway, the bad and broken sleep, made for tired all day. Work, subsequently, was very long. Didn't smoke, until about 20 minutes ago, though, so i'm proud of that.
Stabbed myself with a watch tool, today, at work. Laterally, through the pad of my thumb, which meant, to get the peroxide in, i had to rip the lateral gouge open, which didn't hurt nearly as much as the initial stabbing. The fun part about it: I had to finish putting the guy's watch back together, before i could do anything more than wrap it in a paper towel. Hooray.
On the way home,mech_angel called, and we talked for a bit, which was very good. And now I am Home.
Kenna - [Hell Bent]--- That is my update, for today.
Ta.
atlqueenrai, Rosie, Devin,, kyrael, and his friend Ben. We went there, and drank ass tons of coffee, scaring the new girl with our consumption of both the Bean and the Cane. She had to fill 7 pots of coffee, just for us. Which is nothing, really. Kate, one of our regular servers, has had to brew three gallons, for us, in a night, before. (Jane's Addiction - [Jane Says]). Everything was gravy, until someone brought up the subject of my 19th birthday party.My 19th birthday party was Epic. Its tale, along with that of the 2001 New Year's Party, at the dorms, has become the standard by which all other parties are judged, and that makes me... weird-feeling. I don't much like the story of my 19th birthday, as it ended in tears (litterally) for a few people, and a friend of five years, stopped speaking to me, afterward. Which, considering the events, i can kind of understand, but it still makes me sad. (Yeah Yeah Yeahs - [Art Star]). Anyway, i always feel bad, after i tell that story. I feel a little worse, inside, and i feel guilty, and i almost regret the whole thing... But today something happened. Today, i realised that i did all i could.
I gave people a way out. I made it ok, for them to stop, and some people did. But not everyone did. (Gary Numan - [Dominion Day]). Hell, not everyone even listened to me, as i was saying anything, but i gave a way out. And, short of physically pulling people out of the sticky, marshmallow cream-covered pile, that's all i could have done. It was their choice, their actions, and they've no one to blame, for the outcome, but themselves. Or no one to congratulate, depending on their feelings about the whole thing.
I was not willing to forcefully remove their choices, so they made their choices, and i helped clean up the Aftermath, if they wanted me to. Incidentally, that song was stuck in my head, as i was in the proces of said cleaning. Anyway. Telling that story kind of wiped me out.
I got home, at about 3.40am, and went to bed, by four, to wake up, at about 11. (Dream - [My Will (Comorbid Remix - Unfinished)]). Really, i woke up a few times before my alarm, as seems to be the standard, but my slep was so fucked up, i only remember that I dreamed of the movie theater in the Mall, inmy head, and that there were several movies, being watched by all of us, who were at R Thomas. Anyway, the bad and broken sleep, made for tired all day. Work, subsequently, was very long. Didn't smoke, until about 20 minutes ago, though, so i'm proud of that.
Stabbed myself with a watch tool, today, at work. Laterally, through the pad of my thumb, which meant, to get the peroxide in, i had to rip the lateral gouge open, which didn't hurt nearly as much as the initial stabbing. The fun part about it: I had to finish putting the guy's watch back together, before i could do anything more than wrap it in a paper towel. Hooray.
On the way home,
mech_angel called, and we talked for a bit, which was very good. And now I am Home.Kenna - [Hell Bent]--- That is my update, for today.
Ta.
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-04 05:00 am (UTC)And I count myself very glad I wasn't around for that. No amount of seeing people in amusing situations could make up for the levels of drama you described. When things sour...It's Bad.
no subject
People... were people. That's why i want the things i want, at my parties, and no one seems to get it. Honest, emotional/mental/whatever fulfillment, of what you want to do, to have fun, without the need of alcohol as a deinhibitor. If you want to do it, think about the consequences and benefits, decide, and either do it, or don't.
Le Sigh.