Got a feeling.

[wolven7]

Belly - [Low Red Moon]--- It's seasonal. There are cyclical changes, here, and the idea of me wanting conversations, and comradeship always come in winter. It's cold, and dark, sooner, and i find friends in those places. Those things. But the here holds less and less.

It's the effort that does it. The thought of what lengths we all have to take to get next to one another, and then that's not enough, when it's accomplished. There's that want for the other to relate on the level. Our level. People wonder why i can't just shut the fuck up and enjoy things-- turn my mind off, and let it ride, and i hate that. I hate it, because it feels like ignoring it. When i know that it's in the passive processing centre of my brain, i know that some part of me is working on solutions, if slowly. As my dad put it, last night, "Quality processing." Not always appreciated in institutionalised settings, he said, but deffinately important to do.

I've got this feeling, right now, like something devistating is around the corner. Like it's waiting for me to get comfortable, and then it's going to jump out at me, and scare the bollocks off of me. (Poe & Mark Danielewski - [Hey Pretty (Remix)]). Maybe more than scare. It's a fucked up feeling, because there's a numbness to it, and i think "Another glorious November." But it still worries... There's one unequivocally good thing about November, for me, this year. Happy birthday, love....

I say it's seasonal, because take a look back, in the archives, this time last year. I did, last night. I was talking about the exact same shit. Just another permutation of the difficulty. A lack of it, en total, and me not fully understanding why i wanted what i wanted. But i know, now. And last night i had some conversations that got some things done...

The White Stripes - [Fell in Love With a Girl]--- Just your morning, or afternoon, update. I'm done now.

Again, happy birthday, mech_angel, and infinitely many more. I'm just sorry i can't give you your present, in person.

Later all.

{2.03pm: Rush - [Freewill]--- In other news: Are we surprised?


You're Pinhead. As the head of the Church of
Sorrow, you are an excellent leader. You know
how to keep your minions under control (whether
by fear or respect), and conversely, keep them
happy by giving them what they want. You
personify the perfect mixture of fear and
adoration. Just as pain and pleasure are
indivisible in your doctrine, so are those two
qualities in your followers.


Which Cenobite are you? (includes pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz ganked from mech_angel.}

Comments

[smokierings.livejournal.com]

Indeed. "Let it go" has been thrown at me as a mantra for three years, now. I've never been able to tolerate it.
Feels too much like letting down my guard.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Exactly. It's like a fucking Give Up lecture. Why let it go? Why not fucking embrace and use it? Integrate it. Or all of the above. Never settle for one set of choices.

[kitsuchan.livejournal.com]

What's a cenobite?

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Cenobites are a breed of Demon, popularised by Clive Barker, in the "Hellraiser" (http://imdb.com/title/tt0093177/) series. Pinhead was the Original, and leader of the Cenobites. He is a master in the art of sorrow and suffering. Knowing exactly how to twist the knife...

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

You didn't have to get me a present in the first place, love, so thank you for that. And that bridge of autumn to winter...brings the clearing out of things. The Burning Season. (Look for that song title, by Faith & The Muse if you get a chance, btw...It'll frame things well.)

Learning to light fires of my own, now. Destruction...smells like autumn.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Didn't have to? Of course i did. Because i wanted to. *hugs*

Yeah, it definately is. And a lot o things are being burned away, and opened, recently. It's a Good thing. ^_^

Talk to you soon.