Sometimes that's the way things are...
Oct. 27th, 2004 01:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Tom Waits - [Metropolitan Glide]--- I was talking, earlier tonight, about why it's a bad idea, for me to set people up with one another. I've directly played matchmaker, in the lives of three sets of my friends, and, each time, it was utterly horrible, toward the end, for all involved. Let's recount, without naming names, shall we?
The first time: Female friend came to me for advice, on a girl that was interested in her. She had never thought about girls, in that way. Was, in fact, a good Catholic girl. I suggested that she give it a try. Due to the ensuing codependent relationship, she went through a three-year period of heavy drug abuse, and pain.
The Smiths - [Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want]--- The second time, five years ago, were two closer frieds, and i knew they were interested in each other, but both were uncertain as to the level of interest, from the other. I facilitated their mutual knowledge, and the resulant relationship, ended in severe mental and emotional trauma, for the both of them. They can, only recently, be in the same room, with each other, without wanting to kill each other.
Smashing Pumpkins - [Bullet With Butterfly Wings]--- The one, after that, was, again, same sort of situation: two people, neither knew of the other's interest, so i catalysed things. At the end, it was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive (though not much, there), from both parties.
Now, i know what you're saying, here: these weren't my fault. I didn't make these things happen, and i didn't make these people relate to each other, this way. But, in a way, these bits of hell are my responsibility. If i hadn't done anything, sure they may have still happened, or they may not. Either way, these events are now past, and, thusly, the way things "should" have been. (The Dresden Dolls - [Truce]). They all learned something, and so did i. "What you tell me three times is true."
So, when people come to me, siddling around the point, working toward asking me to help hook them up with someone, i tell them these stories. I let them know what and how (to a point; certain events are personal, and i don't share them.), and i let them then decide if they want me involved. This is why my main set of advice, on relationships, is Personal communication, between the concerned parties. Everything else explodes, in my experience.
I think about the fact that, oddly fitting, my own relationships have ended in a quiet, amicable manner. I'm still friends with almost everyone i've ever dated. One exception, and i can understand that.
This thought brought to you, by me mulling over intrepersonal relationships ending, breaking, weaving. Friendships, no problem...
Anyway. I have work, tomorrow, at 11. Good night and Dream Well
The first time: Female friend came to me for advice, on a girl that was interested in her. She had never thought about girls, in that way. Was, in fact, a good Catholic girl. I suggested that she give it a try. Due to the ensuing codependent relationship, she went through a three-year period of heavy drug abuse, and pain.
The Smiths - [Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want]--- The second time, five years ago, were two closer frieds, and i knew they were interested in each other, but both were uncertain as to the level of interest, from the other. I facilitated their mutual knowledge, and the resulant relationship, ended in severe mental and emotional trauma, for the both of them. They can, only recently, be in the same room, with each other, without wanting to kill each other.
Smashing Pumpkins - [Bullet With Butterfly Wings]--- The one, after that, was, again, same sort of situation: two people, neither knew of the other's interest, so i catalysed things. At the end, it was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive (though not much, there), from both parties.
Now, i know what you're saying, here: these weren't my fault. I didn't make these things happen, and i didn't make these people relate to each other, this way. But, in a way, these bits of hell are my responsibility. If i hadn't done anything, sure they may have still happened, or they may not. Either way, these events are now past, and, thusly, the way things "should" have been. (The Dresden Dolls - [Truce]). They all learned something, and so did i. "What you tell me three times is true."
So, when people come to me, siddling around the point, working toward asking me to help hook them up with someone, i tell them these stories. I let them know what and how (to a point; certain events are personal, and i don't share them.), and i let them then decide if they want me involved. This is why my main set of advice, on relationships, is Personal communication, between the concerned parties. Everything else explodes, in my experience.
I think about the fact that, oddly fitting, my own relationships have ended in a quiet, amicable manner. I'm still friends with almost everyone i've ever dated. One exception, and i can understand that.
This thought brought to you, by me mulling over intrepersonal relationships ending, breaking, weaving. Friendships, no problem...
Anyway. I have work, tomorrow, at 11. Good night and Dream Well
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Date: 2004-10-26 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
No more for me, thanks.
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Date: 2004-10-27 04:19 am (UTC)yeah, so actually conversing on both sides is bad...
then again... you knowledge of people is so tempting to ask about... lol!
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Date: 2004-10-27 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-10-27 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject