Moving forward.

[wolven7]

"I assure you I had rather excel others in the knowledge of what is excellent than in the extent of my power and domain." -- Alexander the Great

Snake River Conspiracy - [Lovesong (Cure Cover)]--- And, for him, the one brought about the other. He's lucky, that way. Another of the Messianic who only lived to be 33, and who accomplished more, in that span, than most do with triple it. Empires and arts and sciences and understandings that he held close to his vest, and a man who acted on what was necessary for him to grasp and understand all that could be grasped and understood. When that caused him to have to "betray" someone he loved, there was thought, and consideration, but no remorse. (Crash Test Dummies - [Afternoons & Coffeespoons]). He had told them what he was, and what he was trying to do. That's why they were with him, in the first place. They were drawn to that.

I've never been able to disregard loyalties, to others, that easily. My loyalty to my self is always first, yes, but my loyalties to those around me have always caused great consideration, in my actions. Working out the effects of my acts, and then, if my betterment is that of the "greater good," moving forward, and staying that course. This isn't always clear. There are, too often, things that get in the way, cloud the vision, and mar the dedication. Again, there is something to be said for fanaticism. Singleminded staying of the course. It makes your actions clear, and righteous, and true, and pure. But you miss so much, that way...

A Clockwork Orange - [Theme from A Clockwork Orange (Beethoviana)]--- Constant evolution, from a static (often stagnant) base is something that clutters the mind. There are constant steps that must be taken, and you have to be several people. We are all several people. We have to be aware of this, if our goals are any kind of infinite. And they all are, it seems. Everything geared toward continuation, in some form. Even self-annihilation is most often driven by a need for people to remember, and to cherish your memory. (Smashing Pumpkins - [1979]). For whatever the reason, works are made to last, even though everything is transitory. Life ends, the universe falls into Entropy, and, eventually, the rest is silence. Then, and again. There is continuation to the start stop, dichotimous being. There is what we are and aren't, what we dread and strive to be. The nothing and the all, inherent, in us. We are everything that can be, but to be that, there are a few things awe {"we"} have to accomplish.

We have to accomplish everything. Every thought, emotion, state of being and matter. Touch it, be it, feel it, and live it and it's so much easier, if you start, at nothing, and move through it all, one by one. So much clearer, more able, it would seem, to move each piece, onto each other. Lego building houses, and able to make anything, any form of the Infinite You, from the myriad pieces. (Sneaker Pimps - [Spin Spin Sugar]). When you start, in one place, and see your surroundings, and decide that all, at once, is best, because the All is your purview, then what recourse do you have, to know each section, intimately, honestly? You cannot, easily, take each as the totallity, when you know (or think you know) of a greater Totallity. Even expressing the Boundless, through each of its parts, Saying that each section is, itself, Everything, is to be dishonest, in a way, to what that thing may think of itself. All that is left is the view from your window, which happens to encompass all the other windows, ever. Or tries to.

We are-- I am-- without much recourse, here. I have chosen this path, and to chose another, at this point... feels dishonest, but there is the wall, as well, blocking. That knowledge that i will never undrestand zealotry as a zealot understands it. I will not understand the thought-process of a suicide bomber, because I, myself, see the Glory, futility, wonder, horror, insanity, destiny of it all. (Poe - [Hey Pretty]). From the outside. Academic.

My mother once asked me, if I believed in God/Jesus, and i told her that of course i did, and that i Knew in Them. She then asked me if it was an Academic Belief/Knowldge, or if it was actual faith, that "Through them, I can do all things," as the saying goes. I spent the next 20 minutes, trying to explain to her that it was both. I don't know that my point ever came through. I don't know, now, that it does to me.

I am unsettled, in myself. I am searching, and lost, in my head, trying to comprehend my choice of infinity, over singularity, and trying, desperately, to integrate that scratching screaming scathing voice, in the back of my mind that's slithering in, through the whorls and the synapses, whispering to me that it's all the same thing, that the point and the circle are necessarily one, because i know that it's true...

KMFDM - [These Boots Are Made For Walkin' (Candy Remix)]--- I just don't remember how.

Comments

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

Meh. I've never been much of a leader. At all. I'm more...inclined to not give a shit whether people follow me and my example or no. ^_^;

And at this point, you're already well on your path. Choosing another wouldn't be as much of a question as would finding a branch you didn't think of. Or making your own.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Also different. Difficlt, rather. Still the problem of "How do you find/create a different branch from Infinity?"

We'll see...

And i didn't really mean in the leadership way... So much as individuals, working together... Societa, friendly, whatever, you know?