I haven't told you, anything, of late.
Sep. 9th, 2004 09:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Nine Inch Nails - [The Becoming]--- I've sent you biots of information, to adjust, on your own scales, but i haven't told you anything, i haven't informed you, and i always feel remiss, in my duties, whatever they are, when that happens. So i'm going to tell you something, now. I'm going to tell you why i do something. Just remember, Bio: 5/7/12
I do certain things, because i feel a certain need, a need to connect and understand, but we knew this, yes? This is not new, no? No, correct. Not informative, unless you are new, here, as well. And many of you are. We try to accomodate. I yearn (yes, that is the word) for intrinsic spiderweb and dew connections, like morning fog through leaves and footsteps echoing off of concrete, something to follow and fin\d, and understand, no matter what the source, because the finding is part of the key. I like the finding, and i, often, don't like what i find. Or it doesn't like me. But i need that connection, that web, that string to pluck, vibrate out, humming new creation. I need that like i need breath. And i don't get to breathe, here, too very often.
I search, daily, for new ways to view past things, that which has cone before, and not in the Revisionist History, sense, beacuse what was past was past, and understaning it through the now is only one of the things that are important. There is more. (LUXT - [Brutal]). The things that hunt and harp, through our pasts, need to be understood, within their own contexts, as much as they possibly can, and appreciated for what they were, when they were. But there is the knowing what they are, to us, now. What they mean, now, not what they meant, in terms of now. New understandings and lessons that have unfolded, over the years. Relationships, romantic, physical, friendly, emotive, whatever, are lessons to be best understood, in these terms. And i mention this, because there are many new people, entering my life, and a slight resurrgence of the Old. And it's not like i don't see what i think this means.
For those of you who just arrived, i'll tell you this: I look for connections in everything, because they exist. They may not be particularly meaningful connections (to one person), but they are there, and they tell us something, however trivial that something may be, about the world. This stands for people, sciences, religions, thoughts, minds, concepts, understandings, and everything that exists, as well as everything that doesn't. No, this does not necessitate a determinist universe. (Voltaire - [Feathery Wings]). What this does is open a whole set of possible realms, where choice and belife {"belief"} structure perception, and understanding, and vice versa. Borromean Rings of reality, and so on, if you want. Or, perhaps overlapping Moebius Lemniscates, or something. Whatever. It's a tangled, wonderfuly ordered tapestry. Some places, inextricable, other places everything smooth. Look backwards and see the straight path, ahead and see the branching labyrinth. That said, i believe everyting has a reason.
Purpose, reason, destiny, choice, movement whatever. Things happens, and those happenings mean things to us. The people we meet, the choices we make, all are important, and all have levels and lessons. In retrospect, if at no other time. We learn, we grow, we try, fail, accept, deny, hate and beat upon ourselves. Then we move on, to the next lesson. We need input. Sometimes the nature of a lesson is ever-evolving. Those are good times. (AiBoFoRcEn - [The Dying Rose]). Or horrible times. It can be an ever-evolving nightmare, or a wonderful dream, that continues with you, all the days of your existence. Either way, count yourself lucky. Those are the lessons to remind you of who and what you are, deep down inside. The other lessons are important, as well, and you should treat them as such.
I need evolving interaction, with people. I need stimulation, evolution, growth, change. It's one of the reasons i incite rants, and feed sexual tension, between people: it's change, in the world, and new experiences, between those two. And that's why i approach every friendship, looking for conversation, and a drive for More, from the other person. Stagnation... hurts... So if i've seemed bored or boring, stand-offish, or shitty, recently, it's because i'm not getting the dynamic static background hiss, of white noise and knowledge, that i so crave, at the moment. (Poe - [A Rose Is A Rose]). The input's all coming from classes, and, in general, they aren't the most stimulating. Sexuality and Society, yes, Philosphical Thinking, when i'm luck{y}, but math, and comp sci.... Not at all.
There is a vicarious, vestigial learning that happens, when someone is trying to lead you down a certain path, and you are simply so bored with them, and where they're trying to lead, that you take the opportunity to poke around the path, on the way. You find flowers, and snails, and squirmy things, under rocks, and you notice how blue the sky really seems, more than you had before, and, for a moment, you're not bored to fucking tears. You are actually engaged, in the surroundings. People can be like that, sometimes. Through their every day, and seeming veneer of mundanity and emptiness, you can search and find some really interesting shit.
Covenant - [One World One Sky]--- And vice versa. But that's a reason to keep trying, in my opinion: just to find out...
Later
I do certain things, because i feel a certain need, a need to connect and understand, but we knew this, yes? This is not new, no? No, correct. Not informative, unless you are new, here, as well. And many of you are. We try to accomodate. I yearn (yes, that is the word) for intrinsic spiderweb and dew connections, like morning fog through leaves and footsteps echoing off of concrete, something to follow and fin\d, and understand, no matter what the source, because the finding is part of the key. I like the finding, and i, often, don't like what i find. Or it doesn't like me. But i need that connection, that web, that string to pluck, vibrate out, humming new creation. I need that like i need breath. And i don't get to breathe, here, too very often.
I search, daily, for new ways to view past things, that which has cone before, and not in the Revisionist History, sense, beacuse what was past was past, and understaning it through the now is only one of the things that are important. There is more. (LUXT - [Brutal]). The things that hunt and harp, through our pasts, need to be understood, within their own contexts, as much as they possibly can, and appreciated for what they were, when they were. But there is the knowing what they are, to us, now. What they mean, now, not what they meant, in terms of now. New understandings and lessons that have unfolded, over the years. Relationships, romantic, physical, friendly, emotive, whatever, are lessons to be best understood, in these terms. And i mention this, because there are many new people, entering my life, and a slight resurrgence of the Old. And it's not like i don't see what i think this means.
For those of you who just arrived, i'll tell you this: I look for connections in everything, because they exist. They may not be particularly meaningful connections (to one person), but they are there, and they tell us something, however trivial that something may be, about the world. This stands for people, sciences, religions, thoughts, minds, concepts, understandings, and everything that exists, as well as everything that doesn't. No, this does not necessitate a determinist universe. (Voltaire - [Feathery Wings]). What this does is open a whole set of possible realms, where choice and belife {"belief"} structure perception, and understanding, and vice versa. Borromean Rings of reality, and so on, if you want. Or, perhaps overlapping Moebius Lemniscates, or something. Whatever. It's a tangled, wonderfuly ordered tapestry. Some places, inextricable, other places everything smooth. Look backwards and see the straight path, ahead and see the branching labyrinth. That said, i believe everyting has a reason.
Purpose, reason, destiny, choice, movement whatever. Things happens, and those happenings mean things to us. The people we meet, the choices we make, all are important, and all have levels and lessons. In retrospect, if at no other time. We learn, we grow, we try, fail, accept, deny, hate and beat upon ourselves. Then we move on, to the next lesson. We need input. Sometimes the nature of a lesson is ever-evolving. Those are good times. (AiBoFoRcEn - [The Dying Rose]). Or horrible times. It can be an ever-evolving nightmare, or a wonderful dream, that continues with you, all the days of your existence. Either way, count yourself lucky. Those are the lessons to remind you of who and what you are, deep down inside. The other lessons are important, as well, and you should treat them as such.
I need evolving interaction, with people. I need stimulation, evolution, growth, change. It's one of the reasons i incite rants, and feed sexual tension, between people: it's change, in the world, and new experiences, between those two. And that's why i approach every friendship, looking for conversation, and a drive for More, from the other person. Stagnation... hurts... So if i've seemed bored or boring, stand-offish, or shitty, recently, it's because i'm not getting the dynamic static background hiss, of white noise and knowledge, that i so crave, at the moment. (Poe - [A Rose Is A Rose]). The input's all coming from classes, and, in general, they aren't the most stimulating. Sexuality and Society, yes, Philosphical Thinking, when i'm luck{y}, but math, and comp sci.... Not at all.
There is a vicarious, vestigial learning that happens, when someone is trying to lead you down a certain path, and you are simply so bored with them, and where they're trying to lead, that you take the opportunity to poke around the path, on the way. You find flowers, and snails, and squirmy things, under rocks, and you notice how blue the sky really seems, more than you had before, and, for a moment, you're not bored to fucking tears. You are actually engaged, in the surroundings. People can be like that, sometimes. Through their every day, and seeming veneer of mundanity and emptiness, you can search and find some really interesting shit.
Covenant - [One World One Sky]--- And vice versa. But that's a reason to keep trying, in my opinion: just to find out...
Later
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-09 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
But the simple answer is yes. I have.