I miss smoking.
Aug. 5th, 2004 04:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Covenant - [Leviathan]--- As a focus. As a thought process, and as a tool, for other things. I like it, liked it, don't Want to quit, because... well i don't. Petulant. There really isn't anything like the smell of smoke, in your nostrils, just before a clean, cooling summer rain shower. There simply isn't.
Dio - [Strange Highways]--- It's horrible for me. Everyone knows that, and i know that. People don't want me to, and i don't want to want to, for their sake, which is sad. I want for the ability to take in this ash and fire, and tar, and smoke, and turn it into something better, something more pure. Something fueling, and catalysing. That's the mental image i hold, for it, anyway. It is the physical practice that i can do that allows me to focus on its transmutation, of its own sake. Burnt offerings, and rising smells.
I can attribute a meal to myself, and all (call, rather) that my sacrifice, to me. Make that a better... different way of expressing the ideal. But it's not the same. It's not the rhythm, the in and out, and the fire.
But i also know that i'm better than needing an outside device to display my ideals. So, miss it for its symbols and aesthetics, though i may... I can hold off. I can wait until the symbols can re-inforce, without having to Mean the thing. Where i can show it, without the hand-held attachments, and until it doesn't kill me. "The only Socially-acceptable suicide," as Kate put it, last night. Depends on the society you keep, though.
Dio - [Strange Highways]--- It's horrible for me. Everyone knows that, and i know that. People don't want me to, and i don't want to want to, for their sake, which is sad. I want for the ability to take in this ash and fire, and tar, and smoke, and turn it into something better, something more pure. Something fueling, and catalysing. That's the mental image i hold, for it, anyway. It is the physical practice that i can do that allows me to focus on its transmutation, of its own sake. Burnt offerings, and rising smells.
I can attribute a meal to myself, and all (call, rather) that my sacrifice, to me. Make that a better... different way of expressing the ideal. But it's not the same. It's not the rhythm, the in and out, and the fire.
But i also know that i'm better than needing an outside device to display my ideals. So, miss it for its symbols and aesthetics, though i may... I can hold off. I can wait until the symbols can re-inforce, without having to Mean the thing. Where i can show it, without the hand-held attachments, and until it doesn't kill me. "The only Socially-acceptable suicide," as Kate put it, last night. Depends on the society you keep, though.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 09:02 pm (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2004-08-06 05:25 am (UTC)no subject