These things i believe.
Dec. 17th, 2003 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7You could be in a dreamy frame of mind today, WOLVEN. Planetary influences might be making you feel a bit spacey or ungrounded. You might find it hard to focus on practical, linear tasks right now. Your mind could be filled with images. You could be replaying past situations in your head, flipping the pages on some old memories. Try to take breaks throughout your day to keep your head clear.
Rasputina - [You Don't Own Me]--- More talks with my father. He wants Removal of interface terminals, in favour of ports, and surfaces of I/O interaction. Makes more sense, that way. Some very interesting ideas, in that respect. Still reading the quantum mechanics articles, by the way... (LUXT - [Bliss]). I only bring up the conversations with my father, for things like this: "Yeah son, it is neat. Now you get to figure some way of connecting it." Like he really does, above all else, expect me to make this shit a reality... Like he wants me to make it work... And, every once in a while, i think that people have too much confidence in me. And then i think that i'm being a ponce, and that i'm placing more meaning, than is necessary.
But that doesn't change the fact that i feel that way, especially when that meaning is Explicit, not implicit. And this song is a good point; talks well of how i often think that others should see me. Don't worry, it's twisted. (English Beat - [Mirror In The Bathroom]). But i continually read these things, and i go about trying to link them to other things. So what do i Do with all of it? I mean, sure it's neat, and kind of shiny. But that's... not seeming like enough, for the amount of it.
I need people, here, with whom i can do more than simply Talk. I need people, here, with whom i Can talk. With whom i can go out, and drink coffee, or beer, or whiskey, or Jäger, or whatever, and discuss this, and weave it all together. And, unfortunately, for a skein of reasons, i don't feel that depth of connection with as many people, in this state, as i'd like. It's simply not there. De-synchronization. Like what happens when watches are set at sightly Off times, by a few fifths of a second. After a while, for various reasons, they will read drastically different times. And they'll need to be resent {Resent. Re-sent? Resented? I meant "Reset."}. Only problem being, which time is "right?" Neither, really.
So that's not a proper analogy, to encompass the whole of the situation. Perhaps a better one is this: You have friends, and you love your friends. You and your friends are on similar tracks, in life, with similar goals, and the broad strokes of your works are such that, from a distance, the seem to be in concert. But the details are varying in colour difference and nuance. And that's wonderful, because it leads to variety, and diversity, and multiple views. But, after a while, your friends stop seeing the same things, as important. The details and the broad strokes have become interchangable, and the variance is... nearly too much to handle. Distance is given, so that you all may pursue the things you need. (Marlene Dietrich - [Das Ist Berlin Wie's Weint, Das Ist Berlin Wie's Lacht]). But without the support of your friends... certain projects don't hold together, as well.
There are things that we did, do, in certan measure, and want for each other. Synergies. and they seem to be. Dissipating. Unraveling, into the air.
Oh well. Just a statement. And i know that part of the burden rests on my own shoulders, so there's no need to go there.
Later.
Rasputina - [You Don't Own Me]--- More talks with my father. He wants Removal of interface terminals, in favour of ports, and surfaces of I/O interaction. Makes more sense, that way. Some very interesting ideas, in that respect. Still reading the quantum mechanics articles, by the way... (LUXT - [Bliss]). I only bring up the conversations with my father, for things like this: "Yeah son, it is neat. Now you get to figure some way of connecting it." Like he really does, above all else, expect me to make this shit a reality... Like he wants me to make it work... And, every once in a while, i think that people have too much confidence in me. And then i think that i'm being a ponce, and that i'm placing more meaning, than is necessary.
But that doesn't change the fact that i feel that way, especially when that meaning is Explicit, not implicit. And this song is a good point; talks well of how i often think that others should see me. Don't worry, it's twisted. (English Beat - [Mirror In The Bathroom]). But i continually read these things, and i go about trying to link them to other things. So what do i Do with all of it? I mean, sure it's neat, and kind of shiny. But that's... not seeming like enough, for the amount of it.
I need people, here, with whom i can do more than simply Talk. I need people, here, with whom i Can talk. With whom i can go out, and drink coffee, or beer, or whiskey, or Jäger, or whatever, and discuss this, and weave it all together. And, unfortunately, for a skein of reasons, i don't feel that depth of connection with as many people, in this state, as i'd like. It's simply not there. De-synchronization. Like what happens when watches are set at sightly Off times, by a few fifths of a second. After a while, for various reasons, they will read drastically different times. And they'll need to be resent {Resent. Re-sent? Resented? I meant "Reset."}. Only problem being, which time is "right?" Neither, really.
So that's not a proper analogy, to encompass the whole of the situation. Perhaps a better one is this: You have friends, and you love your friends. You and your friends are on similar tracks, in life, with similar goals, and the broad strokes of your works are such that, from a distance, the seem to be in concert. But the details are varying in colour difference and nuance. And that's wonderful, because it leads to variety, and diversity, and multiple views. But, after a while, your friends stop seeing the same things, as important. The details and the broad strokes have become interchangable, and the variance is... nearly too much to handle. Distance is given, so that you all may pursue the things you need. (Marlene Dietrich - [Das Ist Berlin Wie's Weint, Das Ist Berlin Wie's Lacht]). But without the support of your friends... certain projects don't hold together, as well.
There are things that we did, do, in certan measure, and want for each other. Synergies. and they seem to be. Dissipating. Unraveling, into the air.
Oh well. Just a statement. And i know that part of the burden rests on my own shoulders, so there's no need to go there.
Later.
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-16 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
And people wonder why I allow myself
Date: 2003-12-16 09:49 pm (UTC)Re: And people wonder why I allow myself
And i'm not used to friendship taking time. It never really did, before. But, then, every one with whom i had kind of a flash bang friendship is... Elsewhere.
Whatever. We'll see.