I've said it before, and i'll say it again: Nostalgia is Evil.

[wolven7]

LUXT - [Brutal]--- I've been thinking, today, about the events of last night. Seeing Paul, and getting to hang out with him, when drunk, there were phases and levels there, of the person i met, in 8th grade, who is very different, from the person i know, now. There is a strata, in the centre of that, that shows something... a synthesis of all of those things, something greater than the sum. It's like seeing his potential... Drunkenness, bringing truth, as they say. And i think back to every time i've seen people drink, and seen them be who they could be, if they would allow themselves, and i have to wonder, why things get said, that way, get shown, That way.

I look back, every day after a party, at the events that transpired, there. And all of the people involved. I trail, from there, to how long i've known them, things i've told them, things they've told me, and events through which we have travelled, together, and it hurts, more often than it heals. (Carmina Burana - [Floret Silva Nobilis]). Snippets of things that could be regrets, words not said, ideals of each other, broken. Things mis-remembered. It drags me down, a bit, and i tend to think back to elementary school. Back to the people i've loved and lost, theme, of course. But whatever.

There are no more rose-colours, on these things, as they are presenting themselves in their full Starkly contrasted glory, these days. When differences are discussed, and feelings shown, they have harsh lighting and deep shadows, stretch way the fuck back, and people utter that classic querying phrase, while holding that steady resentment of being judged, which is their answer: "Why didn't you say something before?" (Jack Off Jill - [My Cat]). And it moves on. Something happens, every gathering, these days, that someone can-- if they want to, of course-- learn from. There are ideals and opinions, spread, and wide, and everyonce in a while alcohol over-rides tact.

I have to say, i've not really the words, at the moment, nor the leave, to discuss these other things, in depth. They aren't mine. But i can say, of my self, that i have seen, again, what used to be, and not all of it was wonderful. (Jack Off Jill - [Lollirot]). By the same token, not everything that stands, at current, glitters as golden, either. Some changes have not been for the better, and some have. Some changes have simply been changes.

I generally don't do the things that i'm supposed to do, because i'm too busy talking to people, and trying to see what neds to be heard, and learned.

I should go figure out a plan of action for my German Work. Which reminds me of phone calls i have to make. (Moxy Früvous - [The Norbals!]). I'll see you all later, i guess.

Ta

Comments

expectations vs.reallity

[tribeofone.livejournal.com]

Learning to accept people for who they are, instead of whom they pretend to be is often a difficult thing. I think part of why you both love and hate having parties is the conflicting urge to see people be honest (the whole lowered inhibitions that alcohol brings) vs. the desire to be free of drama. So you provide the opportunity for people to drink and allow them to drop their masks in hopes that they will simply be their selfs with out all the defense mechanisms and masks that we all hide behind. People change over time, well, hopefully they do. The change is a result of life, of living, and, of mistakes made that we hopefully learned from. To care about others is to accept pain. The pain will come from the dissappointment that you will at some point experience from knowing them, from watching them make bad choices and, knowing that you have to let them learn from their mistakes which means that you have to stand by and give them room to make mistakes. Pain will also come from loosing them due to them moving away, dieing, making mistakes that you find intolerable or, simply growing apart from not having the time to spend with them due to things that life requires of you both. I attempt at all times to be my self so that things like alcohol or other intoxicants don't change my behavior or my personality so much as they simplly make me drunk or high. Personally I never really know if I do any thing other than talk a little more when I am drunk for all I know I I change completely and I am simply fooling my self about it. To Quote Gibby Haze of the Butthole Surfers "you never know just how you look through other peoples eye's." I figure all you can do is figure out who you are and be that person with all the quirks, insainities and, oddities that come with that person and if you don't like that person you have only your self to blame and only your self to change it with. Which, in the end, is all you really ever get to control or relie on with out the fear of rejection.

Re: expectations vs.reallity

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Fine points, all around, yes, but my main thing is, really, that shit like this happens, all the time.

My Nostalgia, at it all, the change aspect, i don't expect it to be anything. I simply hope for it to be... responsibly handled? Understood? But hey, getting what i want and hope for, from other human beings? Difficult. So, moving on, i shall end with "Shit Happens."