Well. How about this one, then?
Dec. 4th, 2003 11:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7VNV Nation - [Honour]--- Firstly, i would like to say that, at this moment, i could live the rest of my life a happy man, without throwing another party. There's always horror, and the next day i always end up feeling like an empty shell. Everything's sucked out of me, especially if there are more complaints than there are accolades. People like to peg happenings as reccurences of old themes, and a striving for an earlier time. It needs to be understood that it's an exploration of a standard theme, that being a theme of debauchery, temptation, and, generally, having a good time and allowing others to have a good time, however they see fit. Many don't like the sexual connotations that that sometimes brings. I'll end this thought with an old standard i onced used, regarding th censorship of ... well, anything, really, but comics, in particular: If you don't like it, don't look at it.
That said, there's a party, this Satyr's Day, as thrown by my roommates. Show if you want, don't if you don't.
Another set of things that's been going on lately is a renewed sense of Drive, Choice, and Purpose.. but an undirected thing, it is. (Oingo Boingo - [I Am The Walrus]). I've been reading Perdido Street Station, by China Miéville, and i'm at a point where one of the main characters (in whom, i may add, i see a bit of myself [/hubris]) has realised that his theories and his philosophies are very much internalised, when he has nothing, in the external world, on which to test them. If there is no concrete goal, then it is all circling meandering washiness, and it serves no purpose, other than in the abstract theoretical. It's sitting at home and mentally a nd emotionally wanking. I need a goal. Something, in the world, immediate, which can benefit from my view of things, and my ideas. Something that someone needs solved. (Oingo Boingo - [Dead Man's Party (Party 'til You're Dead Mix)]). Everything i put Myself towards, again, seems so much masturbatory and internalised theory. So a goal, then. Something on which to focus.
I've regained the actual will to try. I'm not mired, as i was, in the "But i don't Want to, but i Should, whine whine whine." I'm betting the things i need done, Done, or i'm not complaining. Studying happens or it doesn't, obligations are fulfilled, or they are broken. Anyway, that reminds me, i need to find that driving school information. My point was that there exists, again, the drive. It needs, still, a nudging of direction.
I'm going to go, and think on this, some more, and maybe watch some television. I bought "Hellblazer: Damnation's Flame," today. John Constantine is a Horrible Bastard... The kind of person you trust to do exactly what will be in his best interest... Something, there... Anyway, i'm out.
See you, before bed. Ta.
That said, there's a party, this Satyr's Day, as thrown by my roommates. Show if you want, don't if you don't.
Another set of things that's been going on lately is a renewed sense of Drive, Choice, and Purpose.. but an undirected thing, it is. (Oingo Boingo - [I Am The Walrus]). I've been reading Perdido Street Station, by China Miéville, and i'm at a point where one of the main characters (in whom, i may add, i see a bit of myself [/hubris]) has realised that his theories and his philosophies are very much internalised, when he has nothing, in the external world, on which to test them. If there is no concrete goal, then it is all circling meandering washiness, and it serves no purpose, other than in the abstract theoretical. It's sitting at home and mentally a nd emotionally wanking. I need a goal. Something, in the world, immediate, which can benefit from my view of things, and my ideas. Something that someone needs solved. (Oingo Boingo - [Dead Man's Party (Party 'til You're Dead Mix)]). Everything i put Myself towards, again, seems so much masturbatory and internalised theory. So a goal, then. Something on which to focus.
I've regained the actual will to try. I'm not mired, as i was, in the "But i don't Want to, but i Should, whine whine whine." I'm betting the things i need done, Done, or i'm not complaining. Studying happens or it doesn't, obligations are fulfilled, or they are broken. Anyway, that reminds me, i need to find that driving school information. My point was that there exists, again, the drive. It needs, still, a nudging of direction.
I'm going to go, and think on this, some more, and maybe watch some television. I bought "Hellblazer: Damnation's Flame," today. John Constantine is a Horrible Bastard... The kind of person you trust to do exactly what will be in his best interest... Something, there... Anyway, i'm out.
See you, before bed. Ta.
