*sigh*.... THIS, children, is "Bitching":
Mar. 1st, 2002 05:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Nine Inch Nails - [Closer (Super Mario remix)]--- i don't know what to do, anymore. i feel very distanced from damn near every one, almost all the tyme, or they feel distant fromme. And, no, nothing i say or do fixes it that at all. (Oingo Boingo - [Little Girls]) Because all talking about it does is make them feel "self-conscious," or upset that they can't do anything about it, and that gets nowhere. It's the busyness again.
i can't stop, and give everyone the attention i think they need, or they think they need, or people i don't know very well at all think they need. And you know why? Because people expect things and want things and those wants do not, in ANY way, shape, or Star Spawn of Cthulhu, ever Have To mesh, wish though we might, that they may.
Freur - [Doot Doot]--- i want to be around certain people at certain tymes, and they can't do stuff, and this makes me unhappy. i try to move on, but for at least one Tick, i'm disappointed that i cannot do what i wanted. i may move on, or i may sulk-- one would hope that the Great Wolven could move on-- but what ever, it was there, and it sucks, no matter HOW long it lasts. But i've gotten away from my point. i'm lonely all the godsdamned tyme.
There isn't much i can think to do about this that i haven't already done, though i am considering locking myself in a small closet, for as long as it takes people to forget me, coming back, and trying again. Because part of me believes that it would simply be easier to bear the loneliness, (Moxy Früvous - [Morphée]) if i was actually Alone. That way, as Katie said: "No, I understand, sort of. So you think you'd get over the missing of them if they were not around..." And that is pretty much correct. If i'm lonely all the tyme, and nothing i can do can fix it, even when i'm with people, then why not not be with people and leave it there?
Eminem - [Mushroom Girl]--- Because they'll all take this post the wrong way, and get upset, for one reason or another, anyway. They'll be upset that they don't help, which kind of misses the point, but i can understand the sentiment. If there could be no ill will. No wants to observe and check in, and "make sure that you were ok," then yeah. i'd do it, in a heart beat. But, as it stands, not only will most not let go, fully, so we can start over, many would think that i didn't love them or want to be around them, anymore at all. Which is most certainly not the case.
Oingo Boingo - [When The Light Go Out]--- Perhaps my perception of the care which others hold for me is a bit skewed. A bit selfish. A bit... Self-Centred? Yes? Ok. i'll allow that. But people would still be pissed. Besides which, i'm not ready for that kind of hermitage, just yet, i don't know that i would be able to make a completely clean break of it. (Jack Off Jill - [Vivica]) And if i do that, that's what i want, more than anything. Clean. A smooth place to start over, whenever that would be possible, if at all. And the ability, on all sides, to be able to handle it, in whatever ways were necessary. i've stopped making sense, now. Un and/or Fortunately (your choice), i shall return. Ta Ta, For Now
i can't stop, and give everyone the attention i think they need, or they think they need, or people i don't know very well at all think they need. And you know why? Because people expect things and want things and those wants do not, in ANY way, shape, or Star Spawn of Cthulhu, ever Have To mesh, wish though we might, that they may.
Freur - [Doot Doot]--- i want to be around certain people at certain tymes, and they can't do stuff, and this makes me unhappy. i try to move on, but for at least one Tick, i'm disappointed that i cannot do what i wanted. i may move on, or i may sulk-- one would hope that the Great Wolven could move on-- but what ever, it was there, and it sucks, no matter HOW long it lasts. But i've gotten away from my point. i'm lonely all the godsdamned tyme.
There isn't much i can think to do about this that i haven't already done, though i am considering locking myself in a small closet, for as long as it takes people to forget me, coming back, and trying again. Because part of me believes that it would simply be easier to bear the loneliness, (Moxy Früvous - [Morphée]) if i was actually Alone. That way, as Katie said: "No, I understand, sort of. So you think you'd get over the missing of them if they were not around..." And that is pretty much correct. If i'm lonely all the tyme, and nothing i can do can fix it, even when i'm with people, then why not not be with people and leave it there?
Eminem - [Mushroom Girl]--- Because they'll all take this post the wrong way, and get upset, for one reason or another, anyway. They'll be upset that they don't help, which kind of misses the point, but i can understand the sentiment. If there could be no ill will. No wants to observe and check in, and "make sure that you were ok," then yeah. i'd do it, in a heart beat. But, as it stands, not only will most not let go, fully, so we can start over, many would think that i didn't love them or want to be around them, anymore at all. Which is most certainly not the case.
Oingo Boingo - [When The Light Go Out]--- Perhaps my perception of the care which others hold for me is a bit skewed. A bit selfish. A bit... Self-Centred? Yes? Ok. i'll allow that. But people would still be pissed. Besides which, i'm not ready for that kind of hermitage, just yet, i don't know that i would be able to make a completely clean break of it. (Jack Off Jill - [Vivica]) And if i do that, that's what i want, more than anything. Clean. A smooth place to start over, whenever that would be possible, if at all. And the ability, on all sides, to be able to handle it, in whatever ways were necessary. i've stopped making sense, now. Un and/or Fortunately (your choice), i shall return. Ta Ta, For Now
A touch of advice....
Date: 2002-03-01 06:10 pm (UTC)Call if you need.
As for your hermitage idea, I wouldn't hold it against you OR myself. I can understand why you might do that. I'd still probably cry.
You know . . .
Date: 2002-03-01 09:41 pm (UTC)simply me.
i like cheese
Date: 2002-03-01 10:02 pm (UTC)-Devin