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wolven7Akira - [Kaneda]--- I played "When Darkness Falls," tonight. Table-Top Lovecraftian game. Zombies, Vampires, Occultists, Undead Priests, and the like. First Role Playing Game i've done, since last summer. And that was a Brief stint of Shadow Run, and i played that out of honour to the Gibson, and the fact that my character was a Spike Spiegel/Me combination. (National Anthem - [God Save Ireland]) Good times. My character, tonight, was an Occultist/Thief/College student, whose brother drank the city water, and got zombified. (LUXT - [Parasites]). When he stopped breathing, and i found out that he was going to wake up a zombie, i told the Government Types to burn him. To go ahead and do whatever was necessary, right then, to make sure that he didn't wake up a Zombie.
Practicallity. 1) I didn't want to have to kill my zombie brother, later, 2) i didn't want any of us to have to worry about being eaten. And i'd do the absolute same for Any of you. One of the many reasons i really Liked "28 Days Later." There's only so far sentimentality can get you, and if they at least get to Die, first, i'd like to make sure they Stay dead. Because, really, i don't care how hardcore you are, seeing a member of your family turned into a monster, and you having to Kill Them, then, is infinitely worse, in my eyes.
I honestly do think about these kinds of things, daily. Zombie rampages, alien attacks, the rapture, Judgement Day, A.I. cropping up, and taking us all out. (Jack Off Jill - [Swollen]). I think about this, because i was a Boy Scout, and i took that "Be Prepared" thing in a direction i don't think they expected. Also, i've had a day of people questioning my intentions. Questioning that my word on things is good... I don't like that. I really don't, especially, when it's in a derrisive, "You-Wouldn't-Do-Shit-Ever" kind of way. Because not only is it people thinking they know me, and what i'd do, it's people who don't know anything about me, making assumptions about my conduct. No i did not just repeat myself.
Poe& Conjure One - [Center Of The Sun]--- The first-- that people think they know me, and what i'd do-- meaning that the commentors believe that they know my patterns of behaviour, better than i know myself, and can, therefore, say, wioth absolute certainty, what i'd do, in a given situation. The Second-- that they don't know anything about me, but continue to make assumptions about my conduct-- meaning that they've Never Seen My Skill, Or Conduct, Ever, in any of the areas being discussed. They don't know what i've done in the past, nor any of my guiding influences. Nothing that makes me the person i am. And yet, still, they make assumptions as to what i'd do. Condescending remarks. And yes, i know, i know.
Nothing that anyone, not me, has to say about me should affect me, if i don't want it to. If they don't know shit about which they speak, then their speech on it is meaningless, and, therefore, MEANINGLESS. (Gary Numan - [I'm An Agent]). They don't know me, their words don't mean shit. But yeah, that's a lot harder to Practice than it is to preach. I know this. I struggle with it. Letting my actions speak for themselves. Letting the person that i actually Am show through, and burn away whatever illusory fog throguh which they see me. But it still irks. It's difficult to have that centre, that thing that doesn't immediately seek to prove someone wrong when they speak wrong, Of you. It should simply be enough to let them know that they don't know you, and may be making eroneous assumptions About you.
Voltaire - [Let It Go]--- Yes. One should be able to Let it Go. But that Wrongness, spoken, always sparks something, at least in me...
So, it's a matter of centring. Balance. Self-Knowledge, and assurance. Because if it bothers me, that much, then there's probably an insufficiency which i hold, about myself. A Deep fear or belief that perhaps, maybe, ina very small way... they're right...
And that cannot stand. If i say something about myself, and purport to stand behind it, then it should be True. Always. Until I've Changed my Mind, and with Intent.... Distinctions.
In any event, some Self-Searching may be in order.
Dream Well
Practicallity. 1) I didn't want to have to kill my zombie brother, later, 2) i didn't want any of us to have to worry about being eaten. And i'd do the absolute same for Any of you. One of the many reasons i really Liked "28 Days Later." There's only so far sentimentality can get you, and if they at least get to Die, first, i'd like to make sure they Stay dead. Because, really, i don't care how hardcore you are, seeing a member of your family turned into a monster, and you having to Kill Them, then, is infinitely worse, in my eyes.
I honestly do think about these kinds of things, daily. Zombie rampages, alien attacks, the rapture, Judgement Day, A.I. cropping up, and taking us all out. (Jack Off Jill - [Swollen]). I think about this, because i was a Boy Scout, and i took that "Be Prepared" thing in a direction i don't think they expected. Also, i've had a day of people questioning my intentions. Questioning that my word on things is good... I don't like that. I really don't, especially, when it's in a derrisive, "You-Wouldn't-Do-Shit-Ever" kind of way. Because not only is it people thinking they know me, and what i'd do, it's people who don't know anything about me, making assumptions about my conduct. No i did not just repeat myself.
Poe& Conjure One - [Center Of The Sun]--- The first-- that people think they know me, and what i'd do-- meaning that the commentors believe that they know my patterns of behaviour, better than i know myself, and can, therefore, say, wioth absolute certainty, what i'd do, in a given situation. The Second-- that they don't know anything about me, but continue to make assumptions about my conduct-- meaning that they've Never Seen My Skill, Or Conduct, Ever, in any of the areas being discussed. They don't know what i've done in the past, nor any of my guiding influences. Nothing that makes me the person i am. And yet, still, they make assumptions as to what i'd do. Condescending remarks. And yes, i know, i know.
Nothing that anyone, not me, has to say about me should affect me, if i don't want it to. If they don't know shit about which they speak, then their speech on it is meaningless, and, therefore, MEANINGLESS. (Gary Numan - [I'm An Agent]). They don't know me, their words don't mean shit. But yeah, that's a lot harder to Practice than it is to preach. I know this. I struggle with it. Letting my actions speak for themselves. Letting the person that i actually Am show through, and burn away whatever illusory fog throguh which they see me. But it still irks. It's difficult to have that centre, that thing that doesn't immediately seek to prove someone wrong when they speak wrong, Of you. It should simply be enough to let them know that they don't know you, and may be making eroneous assumptions About you.
Voltaire - [Let It Go]--- Yes. One should be able to Let it Go. But that Wrongness, spoken, always sparks something, at least in me...
So, it's a matter of centring. Balance. Self-Knowledge, and assurance. Because if it bothers me, that much, then there's probably an insufficiency which i hold, about myself. A Deep fear or belief that perhaps, maybe, ina very small way... they're right...
And that cannot stand. If i say something about myself, and purport to stand behind it, then it should be True. Always. Until I've Changed my Mind, and with Intent.... Distinctions.
In any event, some Self-Searching may be in order.
Dream Well
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Date: 2003-10-05 04:06 am (UTC)I can totally relate to this. I have had some interesting, but often quite biarre encounters with people recently. And their eventual "views" of me. I have been somewhat distanced from my world just now, and so distanced from people. But some of what I have experienced, or been told, has conjured some deep-thinking. It is quite difficult to explain. What people tell me about myself I have to take in some form as right or valid for something. I am starting to do this mroe now myself. It is all a bit weird! All a bit blurred. Anyway...(you a fan of astrology at all? - I am wondering wha tis going on up there at the moment [doesn't help when astro.com have stopped showing all their forecasts in a day]. I shall reaearch. Alot of strange stuff seems to be going on emotionally for people just now, especially with relationships/people, or perhaps that is just the Season and Change or what I am sensitive to right now).
RPGs can be a good deal of fun, with the right people. (Some people can take it too seriously - in terms of dice and rules and all that - well jsut in my experience...whereas you can have a good laugh, and learn some with the right experience). I played Werewolf a year or so ago. That was great fun, and quite an eye-opener. The character you create, of course, reflects a part of yourself. I enjoy that. A subtle, theatrical form of self-discovery :p
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Date: 2003-10-05 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
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I like RPGs, every once in a while. I took, as i said, about a Year's worth of break, between the last one, and this one. It's a way to escape, and a way to enjoy things that, other wise, you may not get to. It can definately be a very useful thing. :)
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Date: 2003-10-05 02:56 pm (UTC)Yes I have not played one for over a year. But the RPG SOciety here in Cardiff when I joined, hoping for amusement, almost tried to take my soul away. All-nighters and heavy pub-talks about rules and dice, frequent "must attend" meetings and an inbox bombarded with game conventions etc. Got a bit much. Shame really, as that ruined what could have been a fun experience. I created a rather good character too for Dungeons and Dragons. Oh well....perhaps again sometime...