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wolven7VNV Nation - [Darkangel (Apocalyptic Mix by Das Ich)]--- Memory's a funny thing.. I remember something, like they were yesterday. Large sweeping details and tableaux, as well as the tiny bits of inconsequentia. I remember back to April, and it seems that it wasn't that long ago, at all. But i barely remember what happened, last week. On the other hand, i remember last week, Very well-- as well as i remember my childhood, and i could pull quotes, if given a brief context. Time moves Strange, for me, these days. Not slowly, or fast. Simply Strange.
The Chorus - [The Ballad of Sweeney Todd]--- Three months passed, this summer, and i remember, back before them, like it was a few weeks. It's like.. I stepped out of Time, when i wasn't there. That's what happens, with school, too. Tuesday and Thursday are back to back. When it's Thursday, and i'm in German, then Yesterday was Tuesday. I section off time, and group like things together. In terms of classes, anyway. And time periods. But it's all, also, still a standard, agreed-upon-by-the-world progression, from one day to the next. I do this. A lot. In Everything.
Snake River Conspiracy - [Vulcan]--- So it could be said that this is all, and totally, my wown fault. Duh. Always is. Problem is, i remember the oddest things about people, and the things they once held, and and the people they used to be, and the things they used to love. As well as what they love, now, &c. This causes problem, because, well, in the ways i show things, i always seem and feel a bit off. Once again, at the edges and centres. It's a fucked up thing, to relegate yourself, happily, somehow, to never fully fitting in, unless you hide something of your self. Never being Fully Friends with most of the people you know, because you worry, and have seen them run screaming, into the night.... Knowing that you've done it to others, too, and that everyone feels this way, so why don't you just shut the fuck up, and deal? But i Digress.
This was about memory, really, and it was all brought about by my speaking with someone about my situation at Oglethorpe. (Gary Numan - [Dark]) My job situation, in General, really. I remember when they told me that i wasn't going to be getting hours, for a while, way the fuck back in April, or March. Because they had fucked up their fiscal year projections, and needed top cut back hours. It was only supposed to be for a month or two. I haven't been on the schedule Since. My point is, that four or five Month-Long span of time has felt like little more than a few weeks, on some levels. Not like a Long Time, at all. And, to some people, it is a long time.
My childhood is, at the same time, very close, and very far away. I remember it, well, and vividly, but, at the same time, i know people who weren't even born when i was having some of my Major Consciously Defining Moments. (Marilyn Manson - [Angel With The Scabbed Wings]). And that's a little scary. I'm getting "Old," in some sense. But the same can be said, about me, in regards to many of the people i know. I wasn't born when they &c. And that... can cause issue.. sometimes... Was i going somewhere, with this?
Being Socially Claustrophobic, mildly Agoraphobic, and Misanthropic, all at once, really makes for some interesting moods, and thoughts, let me tell you. Right now, i feel closed in by social pressures (People, Finding Work, Living arrangements, home work, &c), and i want to get out. But i don't want to be out in the world, and i Hate People, so, if i saw them, i'd yell at them all, a lot.
Jack Off Jill - [Cinnamon Spider]--- So how are you, tonight? I hope the world is treating you as well as it can, while still giving you enough challenges to allow you to adapt, change, and grow.
Later
The Chorus - [The Ballad of Sweeney Todd]--- Three months passed, this summer, and i remember, back before them, like it was a few weeks. It's like.. I stepped out of Time, when i wasn't there. That's what happens, with school, too. Tuesday and Thursday are back to back. When it's Thursday, and i'm in German, then Yesterday was Tuesday. I section off time, and group like things together. In terms of classes, anyway. And time periods. But it's all, also, still a standard, agreed-upon-by-the-world progression, from one day to the next. I do this. A lot. In Everything.
Snake River Conspiracy - [Vulcan]--- So it could be said that this is all, and totally, my wown fault. Duh. Always is. Problem is, i remember the oddest things about people, and the things they once held, and and the people they used to be, and the things they used to love. As well as what they love, now, &c. This causes problem, because, well, in the ways i show things, i always seem and feel a bit off. Once again, at the edges and centres. It's a fucked up thing, to relegate yourself, happily, somehow, to never fully fitting in, unless you hide something of your self. Never being Fully Friends with most of the people you know, because you worry, and have seen them run screaming, into the night.... Knowing that you've done it to others, too, and that everyone feels this way, so why don't you just shut the fuck up, and deal? But i Digress.
This was about memory, really, and it was all brought about by my speaking with someone about my situation at Oglethorpe. (Gary Numan - [Dark]) My job situation, in General, really. I remember when they told me that i wasn't going to be getting hours, for a while, way the fuck back in April, or March. Because they had fucked up their fiscal year projections, and needed top cut back hours. It was only supposed to be for a month or two. I haven't been on the schedule Since. My point is, that four or five Month-Long span of time has felt like little more than a few weeks, on some levels. Not like a Long Time, at all. And, to some people, it is a long time.
My childhood is, at the same time, very close, and very far away. I remember it, well, and vividly, but, at the same time, i know people who weren't even born when i was having some of my Major Consciously Defining Moments. (Marilyn Manson - [Angel With The Scabbed Wings]). And that's a little scary. I'm getting "Old," in some sense. But the same can be said, about me, in regards to many of the people i know. I wasn't born when they &c. And that... can cause issue.. sometimes... Was i going somewhere, with this?
Being Socially Claustrophobic, mildly Agoraphobic, and Misanthropic, all at once, really makes for some interesting moods, and thoughts, let me tell you. Right now, i feel closed in by social pressures (People, Finding Work, Living arrangements, home work, &c), and i want to get out. But i don't want to be out in the world, and i Hate People, so, if i saw them, i'd yell at them all, a lot.
Jack Off Jill - [Cinnamon Spider]--- So how are you, tonight? I hope the world is treating you as well as it can, while still giving you enough challenges to allow you to adapt, change, and grow.
Later
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-16 12:13 am (UTC)Socially Claustrophic, mildly Agoraphobic, and Misanthropic
Date: 2003-09-16 04:34 am (UTC)Re: Socially Claustrophic, mildly Agoraphobic, and Misanthropic
But some misanthropes want to see them get better... Hope for change. Others use it and hope they never get better. Other simply have no hope, either way.