This is a Wolven Compesation mechanism
Jul. 21st, 2003 08:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Poe - [Wild]--- no Net access, this weekend, so must make many many posts, right now. The point of this one: This weekend, i wrote up on my arm, "Today I Chase Echoes," in blue pen, and it was there, from friday, to Sunday (today, too), regardless of the showers and scrubbing, only slightly fading. I wrote it, because it was true. There were echoes, and i was going to chase them, and hear them all. I was going to throw myself into those reverberations and pieces and bits that, while fine, of themselves, were Not the Fine i was i looking for. I realise, with every step, every new reverb, a little more of why i heard These, and what that said of the Sound. And then i couldn't stop think ing about the sound. I chased the echoes for a different reason, now.
It wasn't about what banally orgiastic pleasures the could or could not provide, it was about hearing part of the sound i needed, if not the whole thing. Part of what was missing. And there were times, this weekend, surrounded by people, wishing me well, that i felt completely and utterly alone. I hid in the back yard, and in back rooms, away fromt he masses, and waited, often in a petulant attempt to count the time it took for people to say "Hey, where'd Damien go?" Heh. (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast - [Overture]). At one point, i regarded the whole thing as Being back in my days at Grady, ion a condensed form. (Duran Duran - [Ordinary World]). Wandering through various groups and factions, trying to appease them all, and keep up, and make sure that everyone was having their own, individual brand of Fun.
There are times when we've Promised the crowd that we would be alone in it, you know? Self-Made obligations, and hopes strung on thread, tying it all together, seeing if there's enough wind and hot air to get the whole thing off the ground. Heheh. And so on. Chuckle some more, maybe they won't notice.
And i realise, a bit more, with every passing social interaction, that i know a great many disparate types of people, and i can get along with these people, indivually, or even, perhaps, on a Point by Point basis, where it's all one of the groups... But i'd really like it if that weren't necessary. (Jack Off Jill - [Underjoyed]). But that doesn't seem to be able to be the case. Too many differeninteres. {different interests, i meant} And, so, we wait, and we move from point to point, realising that, still, give a variety from which to pick, i have preference, and Some things still bother me. It's a strange realisation. And i may need a little while, to get used to it all. Again... Maybe i should simply pay more attention.
The Shroud - [Pixy-Led]--- So, i got about 12 hours, total, of sleep, this weekend. It was all like one long dream/vision/thing. It was, on the whole, Good. 7.56 on a 1-10, ten being the Best. Nothing Out-Standing happend, inthe camp of good or ill, to sway it too far one way or another. There are a couple of things i would have Liked to have happened, but, since i had no expectations going in, there were non left unfulfilled. Ta-Da.
Listened to a Lot of Rasputina, this weekend. A Lot. And missed people, and things and all kinds of stuff... Right! The echoes. They, at first, allowed me not to feel lonely, and, then, Helped me identify the facts and reasons of the loneliness. (Eminem - [My Dads Gone Crazy]). And how, in the end, everything can teach.... Or something...
Everyone tried to make it, i hear, or-- In some cases-- called to say why they couldn't. Some i knew wouldn't, and some Couldn't, and some simply forgot. Oh Well. It's Ok. People didn't let potential Drama stop them. And that's Cool :)
I would like, tomorrow, for one of you, my dear readers, to come down to DCRA, in DC, and visit me, for at least five minutes.
That would make me smile. If you don't, that's ok, too.
Time to work on letters written-by-hand, stories, and poems. I need to be more creative, while i'm here, or i'll simply go Mad.
*lix* Lick me, i'm delicious.^_^
It wasn't about what banally orgiastic pleasures the could or could not provide, it was about hearing part of the sound i needed, if not the whole thing. Part of what was missing. And there were times, this weekend, surrounded by people, wishing me well, that i felt completely and utterly alone. I hid in the back yard, and in back rooms, away fromt he masses, and waited, often in a petulant attempt to count the time it took for people to say "Hey, where'd Damien go?" Heh. (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast - [Overture]). At one point, i regarded the whole thing as Being back in my days at Grady, ion a condensed form. (Duran Duran - [Ordinary World]). Wandering through various groups and factions, trying to appease them all, and keep up, and make sure that everyone was having their own, individual brand of Fun.
There are times when we've Promised the crowd that we would be alone in it, you know? Self-Made obligations, and hopes strung on thread, tying it all together, seeing if there's enough wind and hot air to get the whole thing off the ground. Heheh. And so on. Chuckle some more, maybe they won't notice.
And i realise, a bit more, with every passing social interaction, that i know a great many disparate types of people, and i can get along with these people, indivually, or even, perhaps, on a Point by Point basis, where it's all one of the groups... But i'd really like it if that weren't necessary. (Jack Off Jill - [Underjoyed]). But that doesn't seem to be able to be the case. Too many differeninteres. {different interests, i meant} And, so, we wait, and we move from point to point, realising that, still, give a variety from which to pick, i have preference, and Some things still bother me. It's a strange realisation. And i may need a little while, to get used to it all. Again... Maybe i should simply pay more attention.
The Shroud - [Pixy-Led]--- So, i got about 12 hours, total, of sleep, this weekend. It was all like one long dream/vision/thing. It was, on the whole, Good. 7.56 on a 1-10, ten being the Best. Nothing Out-Standing happend, inthe camp of good or ill, to sway it too far one way or another. There are a couple of things i would have Liked to have happened, but, since i had no expectations going in, there were non left unfulfilled. Ta-Da.
Listened to a Lot of Rasputina, this weekend. A Lot. And missed people, and things and all kinds of stuff... Right! The echoes. They, at first, allowed me not to feel lonely, and, then, Helped me identify the facts and reasons of the loneliness. (Eminem - [My Dads Gone Crazy]). And how, in the end, everything can teach.... Or something...
Everyone tried to make it, i hear, or-- In some cases-- called to say why they couldn't. Some i knew wouldn't, and some Couldn't, and some simply forgot. Oh Well. It's Ok. People didn't let potential Drama stop them. And that's Cool :)
I would like, tomorrow, for one of you, my dear readers, to come down to DCRA, in DC, and visit me, for at least five minutes.
That would make me smile. If you don't, that's ok, too.
Time to work on letters written-by-hand, stories, and poems. I need to be more creative, while i'm here, or i'll simply go Mad.
*lix* Lick me, i'm delicious.^_^
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Date: 2003-07-21 06:44 pm (UTC)i cant come tomorrow i have work, and wednesday i have an interview at noon. hmmm, but no plans on thursday...............
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My back, neck, and side were all sticky after that. You had All been drinking sticky things.
Plus, you and Anje gave me extras, at the same time. So i got Two to grow on.
So, yeah... And so on. Not to sound unappreciative, only to say that... I don't know. It Was.
got cryptic?
Date: 2003-07-22 06:57 am (UTC)and perhaps you deserved extras that evening.
but that last line, what the hell...i dont know. so, yeah...
Re: got cryptic?
Date: 2003-07-22 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 05:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 05:07 pm (UTC)