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wolven7I'm working 8.5 hour days. At 15 dollars an hour. Doing shit work. Where i get to listen to music all day. And deal with people who, Seriously, do NOT seem to know the meaning of Adaptability, Change, or any form there-of. I spend my days wishing i was some where else, or hoping for things that may not come, during the day. Occasionally, i fall asleep, and i dream fucked up things. I play brick-attack, on my phone, and i read in "Gödel, Escher, Bach. . .," and marvel at how much of a cool freak Hofstadter is.
Then i come home, pass out, for a few minutes, wake up, watch tv, and come on here. There is the feeling of a slow pusshing, at the back of my brain. An unceasig pressure, built to the point of a near-audible hum. I can feel hair-line cracks, and something is going to break, yes. But how? In what respect? I think that, soon, if i do not get a decent conversation, or a cigarette, or an effective meditation practice, i'm going to break, at least temporarily. Something i'll have to re-learn.
Relativity, the ability to tell people the Truth. Is it me, that people look at me and see incompitence, or is it that they think everyone needs this.. this coddling? I dreamed, this evening, that i screamed at my grandmother, and other members of my family, that i had a long, dark red leather trench coat, tailored exactly to me, that i had a long conversation with the boy friend of one of the women to whom i used to be attracted, that he started talking about her, going to medical school, and how he would have to be the contact, when she needed to supply blood, for her friends. '"Why were you sloppy?" "WHY were you careless?!" if i am off by One millimeter, if there is One discrepancy!' And then it went into a movie, about this. He was British. There was something, there, about my dad, and ai. I. , and the movie theaters we "used to go to," when i was a kid, and how he was able to make them exist, again. He called to me from a top story, window, in one of them. Every building a chunk in the walls of a labyrinth, made of my memories of buildings that provided comfort. Me, trapped, in them, except when talking to the girl's boy, and then we were all outside. Sara, the Deutsch Professorin, was there, then, too.... And, through out the whole thing, i'm only searching for one person. After the boy's screams turn into the movie, i leave the theater, and go out by the concession stand, i wake up.
The part with the red leather trench, which was My trench, only tailored and red, was the best. Cause i was telling other people where to get theirs...![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
damnedsaint was there, then, too, i think...
A thought i had today-- in a religious train of thought, still-- was about "Satanism," in its modern sense. Satan=Shitan=Adversary. That's the etymology of the word, Yo. Modern "Satanists," claim to worship the self and the will. Fine. But of what, then, are they the adversay? Nothing, save themselves. If they are the only true power, then they are the only true enemy. They claim that their brand of "Satanism" is not a Spiritual practise and yet, if the etymology and logic is to be followed, any "Satanism" Has to be. It is a Worship of the Adversay of [a] God. The End. "Modern Satanism," is Self-Flaggelation/Masturbation taken to Religious Heights, and, by all rights, should be stripped of the deriving Word.
That's simply something that Really Bothers me, in the world. Instances when you'd think that people hadn't Thought about the meaning of the words they were using... Oh Wait...
So, in all, my days could be better, and they could be a lot worse.
Anyway, i'm out. Later.
Then i come home, pass out, for a few minutes, wake up, watch tv, and come on here. There is the feeling of a slow pusshing, at the back of my brain. An unceasig pressure, built to the point of a near-audible hum. I can feel hair-line cracks, and something is going to break, yes. But how? In what respect? I think that, soon, if i do not get a decent conversation, or a cigarette, or an effective meditation practice, i'm going to break, at least temporarily. Something i'll have to re-learn.
Relativity, the ability to tell people the Truth. Is it me, that people look at me and see incompitence, or is it that they think everyone needs this.. this coddling? I dreamed, this evening, that i screamed at my grandmother, and other members of my family, that i had a long, dark red leather trench coat, tailored exactly to me, that i had a long conversation with the boy friend of one of the women to whom i used to be attracted, that he started talking about her, going to medical school, and how he would have to be the contact, when she needed to supply blood, for her friends. '"Why were you sloppy?" "WHY were you careless?!" if i am off by One millimeter, if there is One discrepancy!' And then it went into a movie, about this. He was British. There was something, there, about my dad, and ai. I. , and the movie theaters we "used to go to," when i was a kid, and how he was able to make them exist, again. He called to me from a top story, window, in one of them. Every building a chunk in the walls of a labyrinth, made of my memories of buildings that provided comfort. Me, trapped, in them, except when talking to the girl's boy, and then we were all outside. Sara, the Deutsch Professorin, was there, then, too.... And, through out the whole thing, i'm only searching for one person. After the boy's screams turn into the movie, i leave the theater, and go out by the concession stand, i wake up.
The part with the red leather trench, which was My trench, only tailored and red, was the best. Cause i was telling other people where to get theirs...
damnedsaint was there, then, too, i think...A thought i had today-- in a religious train of thought, still-- was about "Satanism," in its modern sense. Satan=Shitan=Adversary. That's the etymology of the word, Yo. Modern "Satanists," claim to worship the self and the will. Fine. But of what, then, are they the adversay? Nothing, save themselves. If they are the only true power, then they are the only true enemy. They claim that their brand of "Satanism" is not a Spiritual practise and yet, if the etymology and logic is to be followed, any "Satanism" Has to be. It is a Worship of the Adversay of [a] God. The End. "Modern Satanism," is Self-Flaggelation/Masturbation taken to Religious Heights, and, by all rights, should be stripped of the deriving Word.
That's simply something that Really Bothers me, in the world. Instances when you'd think that people hadn't Thought about the meaning of the words they were using... Oh Wait...
So, in all, my days could be better, and they could be a lot worse.
Anyway, i'm out. Later.
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Date: 2003-07-10 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Hope you feel better soon.
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Date: 2003-07-10 06:49 pm (UTC)modern satanism would be an adversary of status-quo, of authority, of stupidity (that is the first satanic sin after all) and of sheep who fear to be individuals and use the power of their own will...it's about empowering the self....a lot of today's status-quo still opposes that
it is also an adversary of the idea that one cannot be god or god-like, and that one cannot do anything without the aid of Jesus, for example...for some, that philosophy is false...for others, it is a way of living
embrace each day and find a way to make living worthwhile...find a reason to live...find a way to make each day get you closer to what you want
-sister anonymous
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"Modern Satanists" rarely express those sides of their philosophy. They are, if you think about it the "Rebels," about which i once spoke. Rebelling, sure, but against what? And, for the most part, it seems as if Their ideas on the subject aren't even clear.
There has to be authority. Unfortunately. Even if You are the Authority of You, you are still.,.. Well, you get the idea. Serving Only the self, always, is just as dangerous and perhaps even More degrading, in the long run, than serving another master. Because you see the full pettiness of your own desires. Without the counter balance of the ideal of external servitude, rebellion, itself, has no point.
Opposiotion of the status quo, of its own sake, is a rather Discordian veiew point. Not that there's anything wrong with Discordianism, but modern Satanism, really should read more of the Discordian view, as it already holds a good many of their views.
See "The Illuminatus! Trilogy" for more details. Satan is a title, and yeah, the original holder thereof opposed the Status Quo, at its time, But, over-all, it's still a Path of Spirtual Enlightenment. To say nothing of the fact that there will always be a status quo. Even if that SQ is Chaos.
Finally: Yeah. I do need to do what i need to do, to get me where i want to be. But i'm more of a tree than i am an Ent.
Vis: Uprooting, i mean...
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Date: 2003-07-10 08:44 pm (UTC)"And, for the most part, it seems as if Their ideas on the subject aren't even clear." That really depends upon the individual you talk to...there are as many christians, and pagans, and buddhists, and anything, that aren't clear about what they're trying to express or accomplish. Some satanists are very clear about their ideas and do express them. Check out the Temple of Set http://www.xeper.org They are a left-hand path organization that seems to have their stuff down.
"There has to be authority."- Sure...but authority needs Change, just like everything else.
"Serving Only the Self...Because you see the full pettiness of your own desires." Self and Desires...sure, the Ego can be full of petty desires...but what about the Higher Self/ the True Self? It is said that the desires of the True Self are the desires of the All....
Discordianism seems to see more humor in things though...they Use stupidity...satanists consider stupidity to be a sin. Though on many points they'd probably get along well.
"But, over-all, it's still a Path of Spirtual Enlightenment. " Well that's the whole point of everything isn't it? And of course there will always be a status quo....but it is best if that status quo is dedicated to growth and evolution.
If you can't uproot as a Tree and walk, then grow to the sky and reach Heaven while holding on to your foundation.
-sister anonymou
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Understanding. A balanced view of all Available, Viewable, Facets OF the All. Got me? Evenything needs it, especially philosphies that promote it. Yeah, i'm looking at me, too.
I also resent the use of the name. If anything the Gnostics deserve it, more. ;) Heheh
As to the Other:
"
"
- of Leaves
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Date: 2003-07-10 09:33 pm (UTC)"while that's a beautiful place to Start, nothing should End there... or..it should.. But with a much travelled road, between the two points. Bah. You see what i mean." That's often the difference between Western and Eastern paths.....many Westerners seek to begin with their Egos or Lower Selves and make them grow and develop until they reach the level of the Higher Self.. like the alchemical idea of creating the philosopher's stone and therefore gold, from lead and primal matter.....
Western paths tend to make the practioner walk through many areas before they reach their goal...while many Eastern paths dedicate long periods of time to preparing for a quick leap away from their Lower Selves to reach their Higher Selves...instead of walking all over the place with their Lower Selves...
though both paradigms certainly have many instances of meeting halfway. And while yes, concentrating on the desires of the Lower Self is a good way to start, the whole point of doing so would be with the intent of meeting the Higher Self along the way, and becoming it eventually. However, that intent is not always consciously there...if there is no goal but to serve the I without the intent of allowing the I to evolve...then that indeed is pretty pointless in the end.
"If anything the Gnostics deserve it, more. " Heheh in a way, yeah....though any magician who seeks to become the god that is within their potential deserves the title. Becoming god, or desiring to be like god, is the essence of the Adversary archetype isn't it? Adam and Eve got thrown out of the Garden of Eden because Someone feared that they would eat from the tree of life too and become like them.
"Its roots must hold the Sky." Indeed they do....as above, so below. Even while staying firmly planted within the ground, the roots may reach the Sky without having to dig themselves out.
-sister anonymou
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If they were, it knew they would be. And, like Aziraphale asked in "Good Omens,": if you Really didn't want someone to touch something, would you put Giant Signs Everywhere, saying "DON'T TOUCH!" or would you simply say, "Don't touch that, k?" Or, better yet, why put it there AT ALL? And don't even get me started on the Serpent. Whatever, man, if you Hold to the Story, then It created all the levels of temptation, and the Ultimate levels of blame, responsibility, award, and fault, lie with It.
The Adversary is Averse to blind Worship, without asking Why.
God's Total Injustice, must be seen, as well, to fully know god. That's taking god as the Omni Predicate. Must encompass all things. That balance, again.
I believe Ford Prefect said it best.
Date: 2003-07-10 11:12 pm (UTC)-Patrick
Re: I believe Ford Prefect said it best.
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Date: 2003-07-10 11:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Remember:
Date: 2003-07-11 10:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-10 10:16 pm (UTC)Hmm. But wouldn't that get a little Ad Infinitum? If there's Always an authority, it never Ends.
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Date: 2003-07-10 07:27 pm (UTC)Wanna trade?
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"Job Requirement: Must Be Mean To Idiots, after, at most, Three Differing Attempts to Explain."
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Date: 2003-07-10 09:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-11 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-10 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2003-07-11 08:14 am (UTC)no. only joking - i thought it HAD copied and pasted.
There is the feeling of a slow pusshing, at the back of my brain. An unceasig pressure, built to the point of a near-audible hum.
that bit.
Re:
Date: 2003-07-11 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-10 09:59 pm (UTC)But you're your own worst enemy, most of the time anyway. At least in the best sense here you get to use that to Grow.
*plays Devil's Advocate, almost Literally*
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Date: 2003-07-10 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject