I left my house. To become More Enraged?

[wolven7]

This... is the way of things. I Try to sleep early. So that i may wake up, early. I don't get to sleep, until Three Thirty. I lay in bed, awake, until then. Feeling Pawined. Not kniwng why i couldn't Sleep. People i wanted to talk to. Should have gotten up. Woke up at 6.45. Had a shitty day of broken sleep, surrounded by very loud children, in a house where my granndmother, who said she needed my "help" wouldn't let me do anything for her, and she tried to feed me, all damn day. Because she loves me. At One point, i dreamed of my mother, smoking. That was... Yes, it certainly Was.

I also dreamed of Mulder and Scully. And So On. I am NOT HAPPY HERE. YAY!!!! I made a poor decision!! And will i correct it, by leaving? By going back to Atlanta? No. Of course i won't. Because, then, i'll let people down. Heh. There's me obligating myself to things, again, and allowing myself to Be obligated. Good Morning. So, yeah, here i am. Away from the people who don't piss me off. Nearer to people who love me, and have the best of intentions. So. I love my family, but man... It's difficult to live with them, again.

Let's look at it, this way: There are lots of things that i do NOT want to do, but for which there are no real reasons for me Not to do Them. I don't want to "help" other people, because all they do, because i'm the one that moved away, is Fawn Over Me. My cousin went intot the fuccking MILITARY, for Christ's sake, and i get more of a fuss made over me. He got a cookout. When i got there, it stopped being about him. Suddenly it was "everyone's" cookout. I don't want to deal with that. My grandmother gave me $20, today. For, basically, being there, and going to the store to get her some Bread, and falling asleep, on her couch. And that's what ALL of the job op[portunities, for me, here, are. Pity. Something from my family that "needs" to be done. But could be done by ANYONE ELSE. So i'm a little displeased. Maybe i'll get the UPS job.


Still haven't heard back, about it, though.

I want to be in Philly. I want a job. I want my family to stop Fawning. The Latter will Never happen, as long as i live in another state. The Median? No idea. The Former Will Happen.

How's everyone else, out there?

Later.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Well....even though the fawning over you is annoying, at least they're being nice to you. I have friends whose parents would not give them money if they were desperate, would not let them sleep or stay at home, would not do Anything nice to them. All they'd do is insult, hurt, and belittle them. :-/ So they end up pregnant, shacking up with abusive bfs, going into thousands of dollars of debt, not being able to go to school, and have very few options or resources. Believe me, that hurts WAAAAY more than your parents fawning over you.
But I do have a point here.....if they want to fawn over you....could they not help you get a job? Relatives are supposed to have connections, supposed to know people, supposed to have resources or know where they can be found. They don't know anyone who would be willing to give you a chance at a decent job?
-sister anonymou

[wolven.livejournal.com]

They do, they did, but no one wants to work with someone who's only going to be around for 2 Months. So, i'm SOL. <.sarcasm>Yay. I sure did plan this "vacation" well.<./sacrasm>

[wolven.livejournal.com]

As to the other things, yeah, you're right. All i want is the happy medium, which is exactly what i never seem to achieve. A lot of extremes, these days... Always.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, unfortunately, the two months thing is a real turn-off for most employers...
unless you can get hired at a place that has very high employee turn-around.
Which are usually the crappiest jobs. :-/
Tried looking at ads for summer jobs and such? Lots of uni students are certainly in the same boat...i bet there's a particular market aimed at that crowd...
If you Have to live with extremes these days, then i guess you gotta figure out how you can make that useful or helpful, somewhere. A matter of playing it in a direction that would support you, rather than aggravate you and destroy all the hopes and reasons you came there for. Unless you can make that destruction useful, in and of itself...considering your recent meditations on destruction, maybe you can use the destructive/deconstructive impetus of these obstacles to create something new and better for you?
Good luck. *hugz*
-sister anonymou

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Shit happens. Not to worry. "Jack moves, Jane faces."

Lateral thinking, and all.

Just remember:

[karishi.livejournal.com]

Two things: one, several of the people back here DO piss you off, some on a regular basis (citation: your lj postings), and two:
"Ah. You are back."
"Yeah, I'm back."
"And what did the wise one learn?"
"What, from going up on the mountain?"
"Yes."
"I learned it's f@$king COLD up there!"

...........f-at-cash-king. Get it? Fatcashking.

Re: Just remember:

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Ah HAH! Nice. And yeah, it is. ;)