Excerpts.

[wolven7]

"I'm thinking about just Quiting, and dealing, and saying Fuck it. . . Thinking about not telling them, and simply quitting. But, hell, it may make me a lot worse of a person.... i don't know... Shit, i bought this pack, yesterday. I'm going to go through it, in however long that will take. Then i'm Done. i came to DC for a new perspective. And i need a new perspective on smoking. I need to realise that i'm using it In place of MEditation. I'm allowing myself to become Ruffled. But if i were to allow myself to simply Be, and make every Breath an act of meditation, then... It could be better."

Shit. I think about it, so much, and try to convince myself, so often, that i need it, want it, that it's a part of who i am. Fine. There are lots of things that are part of who i am, that don't require my doing them, actively, all the time... Not consciously. The act of destruction that so factors into the meditational aspect of why i smoke... That can be found, elsewhere, if i only Look. But the fire-intake... that will be harder to find... Somehow use the sun? Too many other connections, there.... Anyway, i need to weave these things into my Being. I was never built for Zen, or full-on Taoism. I like mySelf, too much.

On another note, I want the many and varied Science Channels, in the world, to start Hirng their own Scientists. I don't want "Grants" or "Funding;" I want Discovery Channel Scientists. I want History Channel Historians. I want to make the scientists the celebrities, and get them the money to do real, kick ass research. This was brought about by seeing an ad for "Discovery Channel: Wings." A channel devoted entirely to the study of Aviation. This is all well and good, i thought, but there's only so many times you can talk about the slow developments made in Any science, and only so many times that anyone, including those who love it, want to hear about the history of a thing. So.. start working toward that field, within the channel. Start making Science... Sure, there are downsides, here... Not enough time to use these cahnnels to learn as much as we can, too specialised... That's why we study, on our own. I don't know, i simply think that these things would benefit from a much more Public eye.

Was thinking/reminded, yesterday, about how rude people are/can be. Makes me wonder Why?

Yet another reason i was never meant to be a true student of the Fatalistic Philosophies: I ask that question a Lot.

Comments

[xabigailx.livejournal.com]

I wish I could quit.
But on the other hand, I don't really want to.....

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That's the problem i had, for the longest time. i realized that I was giving myself excusses to continue. And, yeah, on one level, i really do still enjoy it. On another, it causes so much drama, in potentia, that it's starting to not be worth it.

Static buzz

[karishi.livejournal.com]

The smoking also sets up an annoying static buzz in people, a say/not of how we feel about the decision. No Point in telling you, again, that I like better when you don't smoke, but wanting to, because you're doing something I think you'll be happier for changing, especially when you're sixty and not dead. As you said, you like yourSelf.
Who knows if this reply is relevant. I'm not willing to find this message again, and I'm reading from seventy or eighty messages back all at once. Maybe you've been back to smoking for weeks now, or maybe clean for weeks. I'm far too late to have any noticeable impact...but I still have my Say.
My personal favorite, for eating fire(life), was to suck it off of streetlamps. Give that a try. The fact that it means you're always walking in the dark is just gravy. ^_^

Re: Static buzz

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Hm. Your say, indeed.