*sighs of ickiness*
Feb. 5th, 2002 12:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7i don't know what it is, but there's something about my Consciousness & the Paranormal class that leaves me feeling like shit. i go into class feeling fine. i sit in class, am ignored, have my ideas and thoughts rendered irrelevant to the conversation, and for some reason i feel bad, when i'm done. *shrugs and bewildered looks* i can't explain it.
The whole class is centred around Mysticism and Spirituality, right now, which one might think would be fine. But no. The focus is on the benefits, the "Good." We don't talk about anything dealing with the necessity of the Darker side of things, except briefly. Now, i figured something out, today. Listen: People look at the "Bright" side of things, more often, because they are, at the centre of it all and for the most part, Optimists.
People want Hope and Opportunity, and Chances, and the Ability for Things to Get Better. Room for improvement. People want to be able to have things get better, know that there is something more and better, be sure that there is a plan, in their Favour, and that, to quote "Requiem For a Dream," "You'll see. In the end, it's all nice." i hate this.
i am fine with Hope. i LOVE Hope. Hope is a beautiful thing. But there is an old axiom that comes in handy for me every day i live: Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst. i try not to expect anything; you all know this. But even still, if you are going to Expect anything of people, let it be their worst. It's not pessimism, it's leaving yourself free of disappointment. Unless you like disappointment. Hell, even forget expecting the worst. Expect Nothing, And Not Even That.
i probably sound angry or bitter or something. Strange. i'm not. i don't know, perhaps i'm simply upset at class. Perhaps i'm tired of people "Not Getting What They Expected," and complaining about it, or letting it upset them. Perhaps, i'm simply tired from today, felt like posting on my LJ, and this is what came out. Or maybe, it's some strange amalgamation of all of the above. *shrug* Make your own Decisions.
Here's a poem, cause i said i'd post it. i wrote this for my friend Jennifer's birthday, and because i wanted to write a sestina, in Form. First formal sestina. Be gentle.
Living Sestina
by Damien Williams
Here, let me tell you a story of Life:
An exposition of wonder, a tale of Majik.
Though it may seem a swirling chaos--
all birthed in blood, and wrought with fire--
it is, in fact, a force of Nature,
until yielding to that final sleep.
There are such wonders, found in sleep,
but none so great to warrant wasting your life
in search of that which, if you look to Nature,
can be found, with some trial: that elusive Majik.
But we burn with our own internal fire,
and see each problem as a prelude to chaos.
Some of us are borne of Chaos,
never truly knowing the restfulness of sleep.
For these, the spark, the driving fire,
that keeps them going, giving them life.
We, as beings, create our own Majik
and bring into reality our own true nature.
And the search for truth is in our nature;
to separate it out from the cacophonous chaos,
to have it shining in our eyes, that glorious magic
could keep us awake days, needing not sleep.
It can permeate minds, give meaning to life,
perhaps quench-- at what cost-- the eternally searching fire.
We are forged, in Creation, by such Fire
as we show, in full detail, our real and true nature.
One cannot hide, from other eyes, for all of life,
for those who can see will recognise the chaos;
the fitful dreams, the tossing in sleep--
and perhaps it is only a sign of the Majik.
Often is "madness" only missed Majik--
a tasting of colours, a penchant for fire,
walking through houses, and writing, while sleep.
For, through the designs of wise Father Nature,
the human mind is wreathed in chaos;
and but small measure of peace is found, throughout life.
Some of our Majik comes to us through the Lord of Sleep,
the cruelty of Life being her interest in Chaos.
We look to Nature for a special sign, longing for that internal Fire.
©Damien Williams 2002
i think this may be my last post for the evening. i may or may not have more to say, later. Just in Case, Good Nyte. Dream Well
The whole class is centred around Mysticism and Spirituality, right now, which one might think would be fine. But no. The focus is on the benefits, the "Good." We don't talk about anything dealing with the necessity of the Darker side of things, except briefly. Now, i figured something out, today. Listen: People look at the "Bright" side of things, more often, because they are, at the centre of it all and for the most part, Optimists.
People want Hope and Opportunity, and Chances, and the Ability for Things to Get Better. Room for improvement. People want to be able to have things get better, know that there is something more and better, be sure that there is a plan, in their Favour, and that, to quote "Requiem For a Dream," "You'll see. In the end, it's all nice." i hate this.
i am fine with Hope. i LOVE Hope. Hope is a beautiful thing. But there is an old axiom that comes in handy for me every day i live: Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst. i try not to expect anything; you all know this. But even still, if you are going to Expect anything of people, let it be their worst. It's not pessimism, it's leaving yourself free of disappointment. Unless you like disappointment. Hell, even forget expecting the worst. Expect Nothing, And Not Even That.
i probably sound angry or bitter or something. Strange. i'm not. i don't know, perhaps i'm simply upset at class. Perhaps i'm tired of people "Not Getting What They Expected," and complaining about it, or letting it upset them. Perhaps, i'm simply tired from today, felt like posting on my LJ, and this is what came out. Or maybe, it's some strange amalgamation of all of the above. *shrug* Make your own Decisions.
Here's a poem, cause i said i'd post it. i wrote this for my friend Jennifer's birthday, and because i wanted to write a sestina, in Form. First formal sestina. Be gentle.
Living Sestina
by Damien Williams
Here, let me tell you a story of Life:
An exposition of wonder, a tale of Majik.
Though it may seem a swirling chaos--
all birthed in blood, and wrought with fire--
it is, in fact, a force of Nature,
until yielding to that final sleep.
There are such wonders, found in sleep,
but none so great to warrant wasting your life
in search of that which, if you look to Nature,
can be found, with some trial: that elusive Majik.
But we burn with our own internal fire,
and see each problem as a prelude to chaos.
Some of us are borne of Chaos,
never truly knowing the restfulness of sleep.
For these, the spark, the driving fire,
that keeps them going, giving them life.
We, as beings, create our own Majik
and bring into reality our own true nature.
And the search for truth is in our nature;
to separate it out from the cacophonous chaos,
to have it shining in our eyes, that glorious magic
could keep us awake days, needing not sleep.
It can permeate minds, give meaning to life,
perhaps quench-- at what cost-- the eternally searching fire.
We are forged, in Creation, by such Fire
as we show, in full detail, our real and true nature.
One cannot hide, from other eyes, for all of life,
for those who can see will recognise the chaos;
the fitful dreams, the tossing in sleep--
and perhaps it is only a sign of the Majik.
Often is "madness" only missed Majik--
a tasting of colours, a penchant for fire,
walking through houses, and writing, while sleep.
For, through the designs of wise Father Nature,
the human mind is wreathed in chaos;
and but small measure of peace is found, throughout life.
Some of our Majik comes to us through the Lord of Sleep,
the cruelty of Life being her interest in Chaos.
We look to Nature for a special sign, longing for that internal Fire.
©Damien Williams 2002
i think this may be my last post for the evening. i may or may not have more to say, later. Just in Case, Good Nyte. Dream Well
Commenting...
And don't give up on class. You say your Prof's something of a Healer..Seems to go directly against your Nature. May be a manifestation of that both in his words and a general air of butting heads. Look at it as a challenge in understanding and such.
-Anon. XD
Re: Commenting...
Date: 2002-02-04 09:58 pm (UTC)I second that....
Were it not for the darkness, there would be no light...
-Ness
this is from me
I never really get anything out of that class, thou I do think that likes to pick on the dumb ones because he can feel all knowing, I dont think he like his views and ideals to be questioned, or countered. The fact that he is a fanatic bout his new age crap bothers me, but more than anything I wonder if he really believe as whole heartedly the crap he tells us. I beleive in ghost, ghouls, goblins, fairies, aliens, and even enlightened beings, but he doesnt seem so much as to prove or disprove, but makes so that we have to believe because we are captive in the room, and much lissen to him talk......
I hate lissening to him talk.......
thou I will say that when he brings in the slides and pictures that look so fake that my 7 year old brother could do better, I will feel better, because I have seeen what he is trying to show us and I know they are here, but other, like the jerk who said he made his own religion will either say no thats not possible, or agree because he says so........
SINCE WHEN DO WE OF THIS GENERATION AGREE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAYS SO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
in close I hate that class, and I think he is taking from us without asking, and I dont like it