![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7k-chan - [Tresspassing With A Purpose]--- I'm a bit better, than i was. I spent the whole day, today, in a pretty much Non-Thinking state, didn't do any of the studying that i should have, and i came to a few realisations that were later correlated, through advice. I need to look at me, again. I need to truly look inside, and see what motivates me, and what takes me to all of the places that i want to be. And, if there's nothing there, i need to Make it, again. Because I did have my own, personal motivations. I had the idea of understanding and learning. And i've let myself think that i know it all. Arrogance is one thing, but thinking that there's nothing more to learn is an unpardonable sin, in my eyes. The punishment is, then, Lessons.
I need to take it all apart, again. I need to dissect myself, down to the core, and then start splitting atoms. When i get to my own strange quarks, and my leptons, then i'll be about half way there. Because, seriously, what is the speed of dark? The same, or faster. Cause it's always there, just behind, or beneath light. Waiting. Not even needing to try to catch up, because, when the lights go out, it'll be there. It's not the abscence of light, but the encroachment of Darkness that makes us-- some of us-- fear, when we are young. It cannot be helped, even thought we see this thing that we remember, this warm, suffocating, darkness, that we know is somehow right, and the source of so many of our-- all of our-- trials and our triumphs... but we don't think we can or should go back there, ever again... (Trigun - [Sound Life]). We think that it's there to steal us away, from our lessons, and our experiences... But that darkness is with us, all the time. It lives in us. Harbours our tears, at night, and consoles us, when and like nothing else Ever can.
It's the need for that darkness that drives us to the bottle, or the pack, or the pill, or the shot, or the hit, or the road. Whatever helps us get there. Whatever means that we can be with the one thing that truly understands, if only for a little while. Whatever gets us alone, in that way that doesn't feel so bad. Because our true Alone is completely together. "We're all alone, when we're all together." Remember? And that's where i need to go. By myself, again, for once. Without the outside. Within the inside. Shred the banal curses, and paradoxes, until i know what i truly mean them to mean.
Portishead & Moloko - [Fun For Me]--- And it's going to take a while. And i may not be the most fun person to be around. But damned and shiteyed if it won't be interesting as fuck to experience.
Dream Well
{3.47: Bjork - [Isobel's Lonely Heart (Goldie Mix)]--- Downloaded "O Fortuna," on iMesh, off of a user named Versace. Nice.}
I need to take it all apart, again. I need to dissect myself, down to the core, and then start splitting atoms. When i get to my own strange quarks, and my leptons, then i'll be about half way there. Because, seriously, what is the speed of dark? The same, or faster. Cause it's always there, just behind, or beneath light. Waiting. Not even needing to try to catch up, because, when the lights go out, it'll be there. It's not the abscence of light, but the encroachment of Darkness that makes us-- some of us-- fear, when we are young. It cannot be helped, even thought we see this thing that we remember, this warm, suffocating, darkness, that we know is somehow right, and the source of so many of our-- all of our-- trials and our triumphs... but we don't think we can or should go back there, ever again... (Trigun - [Sound Life]). We think that it's there to steal us away, from our lessons, and our experiences... But that darkness is with us, all the time. It lives in us. Harbours our tears, at night, and consoles us, when and like nothing else Ever can.
It's the need for that darkness that drives us to the bottle, or the pack, or the pill, or the shot, or the hit, or the road. Whatever helps us get there. Whatever means that we can be with the one thing that truly understands, if only for a little while. Whatever gets us alone, in that way that doesn't feel so bad. Because our true Alone is completely together. "We're all alone, when we're all together." Remember? And that's where i need to go. By myself, again, for once. Without the outside. Within the inside. Shred the banal curses, and paradoxes, until i know what i truly mean them to mean.
Portishead & Moloko - [Fun For Me]--- And it's going to take a while. And i may not be the most fun person to be around. But damned and shiteyed if it won't be interesting as fuck to experience.
Dream Well
{3.47: Bjork - [Isobel's Lonely Heart (Goldie Mix)]--- Downloaded "O Fortuna," on iMesh, off of a user named Versace. Nice.}
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-04-27 05:59 am (UTC)And why do you think the Exploration went into the to begin with? Even as a kid, you're afraid of it, but you always want to go back anyway, because of this.
Make yourself the . Go Exploring. :)
How do you do that?
Re: How do you do that?
Date: 2003-04-27 08:32 pm (UTC)