Dear God: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Love, Wolven

[wolven7]

I've "Where the Streets Have No Name," by U2, Stuck in my head... I've realised a lot of fucked up things, today... God-Thing-Universe has the Sickest sense of Humour (Omni-Humourite), and when it chooses to display said Sickness... Damn... It can do it in Testing form, to see how serious you are about something, or it can do it in and Instant Balance Day. Today was both. Emotional courses of action being what they are, with me-- talk to me, later, if you ever think you should know-- i've made the point of being Omni-Fidelis, in a certain context. So, today, what happens? Innuendo, come-ons, people trying to rub, hold, touch, &c. all over me... Some, granted were non-sexual, but others were blatantly without the "Non." Catch me, January, or December... This would have been fine. Now, it's simply annoying... Someone has a letter coming, with thoughts to that effect... Also... People seem to like me...

I don't know what the fuck it is, but people are seeming to actually want to be around me, and talk to me. Not just people from school... But, like.. People in the "World..." I love my friends, but they are, indeed, My Friends. They are the people who i know i'lll know, cause we're always just a Touch off-kilter. When people they know start knowing people i know, through other people... Guh. Ok, look. I like you. Some of you like each other. Some of you, however, most assuredly do, or would, Not. No matter what i might do to change that. There are issues. Somewhere. And the more people i know, who like me, the more the likely hood of That happening increases. Does any one want that? Not really. I like knowing the people i know. I Would like if they were all friends. Part of me knows that that isn't going to happen, any time in the near future. So Feh. Dilemma. Angst. Who knows the original Definition?

I dreamed last night that i owned the Chamber, and i spent the entire night trying to get the shitty sound system to work. Slayer was there, and some guy who looked like the Woodcuts of the Devil. All red and stuff. And there was Auditorium seating... It felt kind of like a club in Georgetown. I decided that Someone Else got to be DJ, from then on. Then i dreamed of working at the RenFest, and something weird... Weapons, and such...

Letters, two of them, are on their ways to the people who should get them. ^_^

"These tears are real
I'm jealousy
I'm spite and hate
to the core I'm mean
I'm nearly human
look at me I'm almost a human being
I'm just like you
better than he
to hell with they
I'm almost me
I'm nearly human
Pity me I'm almost a human being"

Gotta love Voltaire. Ta. Poem Later. Dedicated, too.

Comments

[raoin.livejournal.com]

i like deciding who i like through my own interactions with people. i dont like to adopt feelings for people because others say so. this does not mean i dont or havent before, nor that i wont again, only that i like it better the other way. i'm sorry about being all head scratchy on you and making you upsettish. it just seemed like a good idea to join in while everyone else was making you into a puddle of damien mush.

Re:

[wolven.livejournal.com]

As i said, the ones that weren't Sexual were fine...

Cut and Pasted Explaination {Even that part}: I've put myself into a certain emotional context, and, now that i've done that, it seems as if Every Time i turn around there's someone New, wanting to hang all over me. Were i Not in this context They wouldn't Be There.

{New}Now, that's not to say that people wouldn't find me attractive. But what i AM saying is that a good deal of the people who were not just hanging on me, but Innuendoing at me, have only begun to do so, within the past Few weeks. It's a phenomenon that is... typical. Testing. Difficult to explain cogently.

So it's dropped.