Feelings.

[wolven7]

Voltaire - [Feathery Wings]--- I'm a bit not myself, right now, and i don't like it. I don't know what's wrong, or why it's happened, but i'm feeling a distance, and a poor connection to the things that make me Me. Advice, Writing, Art... Emotion; all so far away. I want to be certain, again. I want to know that things can be the way i Want them to be, through the application of my will, and that's not seeming to be the case... The good is slipping, and the bad is driving in.

People want to know why the troubles of others affect me. Why those things can bring me to a low point. (Voltaire - [Almost Human]). The truth of it is, because i let them. I hope, pray, think, have thought since i was younger, that if i could shoulder some of the burden for them, then they wouldn't have to feel so bad. And that's conflicting, right now, with the feeling of powerlessness. The idea that, no matter how connected, integrated, in synch with the All i get, i'm going to let someone down, and piss someone off, and i'm Still not going to be able to help every one... And i want them to help themselves...

I think i'm coming a bit unraveled. (Voltaire - [The Headless Waltz]). This was apt: http://seizure.strixus.net

I'm breaking apart, from the inside, and i have the fucking bitter taste of regret, and dissonance, inside. I want to smoke. I want to drink. I want causes, without effects. Actions without consequences. Or at the very least, a multiple Choice of consequences... any i want, at all... And this universe doesn't offer that. Not yet... And i'm Sorry. There. You like to hear that? I'm sorry. I've done things, now, that i'm Actually Sorry For. I don't like Being Sorry. I don't like having to apologize for the things i've done, and the choices i've made.. But i didn't make them well, or with full forethought... And the consequences that i can't change have to potential to do horrid things to people about whom i care, and drive me toward untold levels of resentment, and self-depreciation. And i'm sorry.

Voltaire - [Anastasia]--- I want to go home...

Comments

.... Answers

[(Anonymous)]

StrixusOokami: dissonance... it shakes appart the foundations we build our world on... and our understanding of ourselves with it...
StrixusOokami: and it feels like everything is going to unravel at any moment... if we breath wrong the universe will collapse in on its self into a pile of shards... and we will have broken it
damien667: yeah
StrixusOokami: but ive learned something... and this was very hard learned...
StrixusOokami: when things feel like they do now.. the best thing is to NOT do. to let lay everything, and allow the world to untangle that knot which we have gotten caught up in.
StrixusOokami: because no matter what you do... if you try to untangle it yourself, you will break it
StrixusOokami: there are problems that even our skilled hands cannot unravel, and that are better left to unravel themselves
damien667: So true...

[jinxvamp.livejournal.com]

wolven. hold in there. you are describing how corvus and i felt last week... i felt just like this just before i went to jump off the bridge...it is Time. and Changes are on us. stay clear headed, its the only way to stay alive and stop It sucking you in, too. corvus and i are detoxing and have given up weed... i have given up nicotine, caffeine and alcohol also. a clear mind and detoxed body, and a healthy diet mainly of fruit and veg is the only way for those like Us now. thinking of you.

Almost, but Not Quite..

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

Something's going around. *hugs* You're not your Self, I'm giving in to Ka, and the world is going to end and begin again. Lots of shite. Brace yourself.

Re: Almost, but Not Quite..

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

Oh, and as I typed that, Feathery Wings changed to Passenger. Go Hunting.

[herredheart.livejournal.com]

::looks up at you:: ::mews::

(As rediculous as that may seem it is the single most monumental act of concern I have displayed today)

Re:

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Don't concern yourself with me... I'll be ok, eventually. I think. In the end, no matter what happens, i'm always ok. It evens out, and it works out.

"Your troubles are over, mine are just beginning."

I thank you, though. My choices are made, and now it's time to find out the truths, there. Then we'll see what happens next...