A wellspring of tears and urgency...
Mar. 3rd, 2003 11:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7Primus - [Wynona's Big Brown Beaver]--- "How to not need them... because that's all it was about: needing them."
A few things are pushing, within me, a sense of urgency, now, in the time of the school semester when i should have the least. I'm on spring break, and yet i feel the need to be Doing something... toward something. An idea, or a goal, and a system of accomplishment, and that is making the need for certain people all the more. I need conversation, contact, input, .... a word that means the cycling of mental, emotional, and blue expenditures, and that doesn't even complete it, at all. (Cake - [Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps]). It's a word like "reve[i/a]linsk'hara," and that captures it, but i doubt that any of you will want to know how i know what it means, and if you knew, then you would want to not know me, or know me a little less. Distance yourselves, perhaps. So i'll keep my secrets to myself, thank you.
VNV Nation - [Darkangel (Apocalyptic Mix)]--- Words like "need," or "always," or "forever" cut light rays of light, and strange visceral utterances, the root of all things, and the Word is withing them, and you, and things that invoke fear, like "Love," and "'I will never forget you.'" You want them to be so true, and you rush at them with such heart, and yearning, and you push them away, as you chase them. It. The feelings or the people, i'm not sure which, but they run, and you have to counsel yourself against chasing so hard, though that feels like it's going to rip you apart from the inside, and you can't stay still, not while it's moving so far away, so very fast. What if it leaves? What if it never comes back, and forgets that you were ever there, still waiting, still praying, still telling yourself to let it happen as it will, and should? Then it was never yours. (Voltaire - [Ex Lover's Lovers]). Nothing ever is, but it obviously didn't want you around, so why the fuck should you even worry yourself, any more? It's not.
Or if it is, then not so much as to make it stay. Or perhaps it Is worried, and that's why it Must leave. Did you ever think of that, you selfish prick? No, because all you thought of was you, when they may have been thinking of you, and then who was thinking of Them? Was it you? Someone was. They obviously still existed. Barely.
I read things, and books infest my mind, as ideas and a torrent of words, and you wonder why the hell i'm writing like this, after so many years of cogent exposition. Note the title. There was urgency, and tears behind tight, hot eyes, and they try to burn their way out with the sheer Need of it. The frightening, all consuming need to be with someone. Some One. And they can't, aren't, have to be, must be, cannot do anything BUT be, near you, with you, in you, wrapped around the selfsoulcentre of you, and you want to cry with the pain of it, and finally, in all of this confusion, and tulmult, and pain, at long last, you know what the true meaning of tragedy Is.
A few things are pushing, within me, a sense of urgency, now, in the time of the school semester when i should have the least. I'm on spring break, and yet i feel the need to be Doing something... toward something. An idea, or a goal, and a system of accomplishment, and that is making the need for certain people all the more. I need conversation, contact, input, .... a word that means the cycling of mental, emotional, and blue expenditures, and that doesn't even complete it, at all. (Cake - [Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps]). It's a word like "reve[i/a]linsk'hara," and that captures it, but i doubt that any of you will want to know how i know what it means, and if you knew, then you would want to not know me, or know me a little less. Distance yourselves, perhaps. So i'll keep my secrets to myself, thank you.
VNV Nation - [Darkangel (Apocalyptic Mix)]--- Words like "need," or "always," or "forever" cut light rays of light, and strange visceral utterances, the root of all things, and the Word is withing them, and you, and things that invoke fear, like "Love," and "'I will never forget you.'" You want them to be so true, and you rush at them with such heart, and yearning, and you push them away, as you chase them. It. The feelings or the people, i'm not sure which, but they run, and you have to counsel yourself against chasing so hard, though that feels like it's going to rip you apart from the inside, and you can't stay still, not while it's moving so far away, so very fast. What if it leaves? What if it never comes back, and forgets that you were ever there, still waiting, still praying, still telling yourself to let it happen as it will, and should? Then it was never yours. (Voltaire - [Ex Lover's Lovers]). Nothing ever is, but it obviously didn't want you around, so why the fuck should you even worry yourself, any more? It's not.
Or if it is, then not so much as to make it stay. Or perhaps it Is worried, and that's why it Must leave. Did you ever think of that, you selfish prick? No, because all you thought of was you, when they may have been thinking of you, and then who was thinking of Them? Was it you? Someone was. They obviously still existed. Barely.
I read things, and books infest my mind, as ideas and a torrent of words, and you wonder why the hell i'm writing like this, after so many years of cogent exposition. Note the title. There was urgency, and tears behind tight, hot eyes, and they try to burn their way out with the sheer Need of it. The frightening, all consuming need to be with someone. Some One. And they can't, aren't, have to be, must be, cannot do anything BUT be, near you, with you, in you, wrapped around the selfsoulcentre of you, and you want to cry with the pain of it, and finally, in all of this confusion, and tulmult, and pain, at long last, you know what the true meaning of tragedy Is.
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no subject
Date: 2003-03-04 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-04 09:29 am (UTC)no subject
See...I do post Damien. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Elizabeth
Re:
Date: 2003-03-04 10:12 am (UTC)