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wolven7Hell Corp. Representative (Reading a thick book whose title shifts and changes, the words seeming to talk to themselves. The Phone rings, HCR answers): Thank you for calling Hell Corp. "We Are Legion." How may I help you?
Person's Subconscious: Yes, I would like to order a Post Mortem Flagellation, please.
HCR: And will that be self- or Demon-incited?
PS: Demon, please.
HCR: Ohkay, and should there be any hooks, whips, barbs, or broken glass, involved?
PS: Yes, please. Go ahead and give me all of those. Make sure you grind the glass into the wounds, really good, too.
HCR: Ok, sir, and what is the reason for the whipping?
PS: Excuse me?
HCR: This is a teaching service, sir; we must know the reason for the whipping, if we are to complete the true torture and damnation of your immortal soul. It helps you realise the many important things.
PS: Oh... Okay, I think I understand, now... Uhm... How about, "You've been a dirty, dirty boy. Every time you look at a girl, you get a whipping." Does that work?
HCR: Yes, sir, and we can even arrange it so that the Demon, or Demons, around, are all female, in appearance. I take it part of you believes yourself to have overcome this childhood trauma, and "Moral" standard?
PS: Yes, of course. It came from my grandmother, though.
HCR: Yes, yes. You might as well have said "Wicked Step Mother." We can help you sir, and it seems that you're willing to help yourself. The Demon, administering the whippings shall look like your grandmother, and various other maternal figures, throughout your life.
PS: Do you need me to send you some photographs, or anything?
HCR: No sir, with this preliminary info, we can gather the rest from you, on your final intake. Now, by Divine law, I'm required to ask you, sir, are you sure that you want to go to hell? Are you absolutely certain that you cannot overcome these feelings, on a subconscious level, and must spend an Eternity (howsoever long you may deem that to be) in the Fiery Pits of Hell (tm), and that you make this choice, with your own foreknowledge, though you will deny this, with your whole heart, upon later questioning?
PS: Yes, I'm certain.
HCR: All right, then sir, your order has been processed. Thank you for doing business with Hell Corp. Have a nice life.
PS: Bye.
HCR (hangs up, picks up other line): Ma'am? Yes, if you could hold, just a second, I'll transfer you to him. (presses the hold key, and then the key with the pentagram, on it) Sir? Yes, you have a Ms. Death, holding on Line Seven? I'll put her right through, sir. (transfers the call, goes back to reading book.)
Person's Subconscious: Yes, I would like to order a Post Mortem Flagellation, please.
HCR: And will that be self- or Demon-incited?
PS: Demon, please.
HCR: Ohkay, and should there be any hooks, whips, barbs, or broken glass, involved?
PS: Yes, please. Go ahead and give me all of those. Make sure you grind the glass into the wounds, really good, too.
HCR: Ok, sir, and what is the reason for the whipping?
PS: Excuse me?
HCR: This is a teaching service, sir; we must know the reason for the whipping, if we are to complete the true torture and damnation of your immortal soul. It helps you realise the many important things.
PS: Oh... Okay, I think I understand, now... Uhm... How about, "You've been a dirty, dirty boy. Every time you look at a girl, you get a whipping." Does that work?
HCR: Yes, sir, and we can even arrange it so that the Demon, or Demons, around, are all female, in appearance. I take it part of you believes yourself to have overcome this childhood trauma, and "Moral" standard?
PS: Yes, of course. It came from my grandmother, though.
HCR: Yes, yes. You might as well have said "Wicked Step Mother." We can help you sir, and it seems that you're willing to help yourself. The Demon, administering the whippings shall look like your grandmother, and various other maternal figures, throughout your life.
PS: Do you need me to send you some photographs, or anything?
HCR: No sir, with this preliminary info, we can gather the rest from you, on your final intake. Now, by Divine law, I'm required to ask you, sir, are you sure that you want to go to hell? Are you absolutely certain that you cannot overcome these feelings, on a subconscious level, and must spend an Eternity (howsoever long you may deem that to be) in the Fiery Pits of Hell (tm), and that you make this choice, with your own foreknowledge, though you will deny this, with your whole heart, upon later questioning?
PS: Yes, I'm certain.
HCR: All right, then sir, your order has been processed. Thank you for doing business with Hell Corp. Have a nice life.
PS: Bye.
HCR (hangs up, picks up other line): Ma'am? Yes, if you could hold, just a second, I'll transfer you to him. (presses the hold key, and then the key with the pentagram, on it) Sir? Yes, you have a Ms. Death, holding on Line Seven? I'll put her right through, sir. (transfers the call, goes back to reading book.)
LOL
Date: 2003-01-10 11:38 pm (UTC)-Mech
Re: LOL