Well... Today was long as shit

Ego Likeness - [The Map Is Not the Territory]--- I spent nine hours, at work, today. Dragged by, and was busy as hell. Got free lunch. It was delicious. Didn't make it to lupusfeuer's party, because i couldn't find a ride who wanted to go that way. :\

So, in an effort to teach me some oblique lesson, The Universe arranged to give me the Muse CD, today. It was a gift, from a co-worker (Secret Santa thing). Lesson: Don't Buy Things For Yourself, Near Gifting Holidays.

Anyway. I'm off to continue talking to mech_angel. Ta.

Dreams: Down in a pioneer-style house

I'm in this convention hall, that is also someone's house, and Grady High school. During the party, there are several women, there, and they all have various aspects and echoes of mech_angel. There are two, in specific, one who looks like tsumari, and another, who's a redhead who reminds me of a girl i met last night, and i talk to them, because mech_angel isn't there. At one point, the one who reminds me of tsumari wants to be with me, and wants to date me, and, as i'm talking to the redhead, she gets jealous, and upset. I had stopped, on the way back from buying her a Mr. Goodbar, to talk to the redhead, and she got upset. I stop and explain to her that it's great, and nice to get to talk to her, and it's wonderful company, but i am not going to date her. She says "Because if you did, you'd be cheating on/losing/breaking perfection." I agree, and the party continues.

I'm wandering around the party, with mech_angel, and we're talking about what happened. We wander out, down some stairs, and appear in a combination of my mom's house, my dad's house, and my mother's family's house, in , Virginia. It's a fairly old stand-alone pioneer- style house, and the stairs come out of a closet, much like the broom closet, in my house, here, but they lead into the kitchen, now. We go into the kitchen, and out, into t he house. It feels like we narrowly escaped being seen by someone.

Something abot food, here, eating hamburgers, in my mom's house, preparing for her moving.

I'm back in the school, and i'm breaking in, at night, to obtain suplies, and i'm supposed to be there, by request of the school board, but they'll disavow any and all knowledge of me, if i'm caught, and i hate them for it. But the teaching i'm doing is important, and i've helped several dozen students escape through the stairs, into my house, and out to freedom. This time, i'm in the hallways, and the alarms haven't been properly disconnected, so me, and several other students, who've somehow made it out of the cafeteria, into the hallway (which looks like a hallway in General Classrooms, at State), have to get past the locks I picked, again, and not get caught by the woman who monitors the halls. I can feel the alarms going off, and we make it back into the cafeteria, where the kids are corralled, and i see Sara Gilbert, sitting at a table, and realising what's going on. She struggles, trying to break out of the daze, enough to say fuck it, and make a break for it, with us. She does. We get to the hallway.

The hallways is now those stairs, again, and i realise, this time, that they have a compoent of the Third Floor Back Stairs, in the Douglas House, only much more narrow. I'm trying to see how many got out, and to make sure that the door to the stairs, which was Not part of the hallway of the school, is firmly shut. It is, and i see that only like six of us got out, including the janitor, and someone with a lot of equipment, i think it's the science teacher. Travelling down the stairs is its own kind of dangerous, and i make sure that everyone survives. We get to the door, into t he house, and it's like coming up from deep water, or going out in to space, and back in, where there's air: you simuntaneously want to fill and empty your lungs, at the same time. I open the door.

We're inthe house, and people are still making it down the stairs, into the house, and there are more people, staying in my house, learning things. It's a lot like my mom's house, and the old Town House, in Gathersburg, now. People are outside, gardening, and tending, and Patrick is there, and raoin, and Punker Luke, from school... mech_angel has been helping them, this time, while i went to retrieve things, from the school, because we take turns. Patrick and i have a mock altercation in the front yard, and i think Nellie Frutado is there, or maybe it's Natalie Imbruglia. I go back to the kitchen.

The guy with the supplies is very slowly making it, down the stairs, but he doesn't want me to help him. He doesn't awnt me in danger, and he doesn't think he deserves it, if he can't do it himself. He's about fifty-three, so not old, simply stubborn, like me. So i keep talking to him, while he makes his way down, and he asks me about the house. He asks "Isn't the Upper level to this Delores [Claiborne/Herbig's] old house? That might explain some things about it, here." As he says that, i can feel an eclipse, and i know there's something about the alignment of the various lenses of this house, to make it work, properly. It feels like Black House.

I'm in the house, again, with mech_angel, and we're calming things down, after a long day. My mind and my eyes are still drawn to the door to the stairs/pantry/broom closet. I want to talk to her abou tit, but she's fallen asleep, on my shoulder, and i don't want to wake her. I wake up

Well. That was full of symbollism. And literallity. Feh.

Gonna go loaf about. No work today. Later.

{http://cheston.com/pbf/PBF005ADNoSurvivors.html

and

http://cheston.com/pbf/PBF015ADFreakingVortex.html

Archives: http://cheston.com/pbf/archive.html Really Sick Humour, just the way we like it ^_^

If Only.}

As i said to mech_angel

'You know.... it reminds me of that commercial for some Diamond seller... The one where the guy is walking around the town, and he keeps seeing the same woman, over and over again. And then he gets to the bridge, and see's her again. And it's his wife. And the voice over, or the inter-title says "Because, to you, she's the only woman in the world."'

Poe - [Control]--- So.. Yeah.

Meme. Thesis: Part 1 and Part 2. (The Black Heart Procession - [A Light So Dim]). No i didn't forget.

There's some things i've been ignoring...

Oingo Boingo - [Winning Side]--- There's some shit going on in my every day, incarnate life, that i've not explicitly talked about. It's causing background stress, because there's nothing i can do about it. Now, part of me knows that there's nothing i can do about it. There is nothing to be done, at this juncture, and i should let it go, until that changes. Another part of me wants to Make those changes, but has no idea how to go abotu that, with the present level of information. (OhGr - [PawSee]). So, that creates conflict stress, in my head. The things, then:

My uncle is in Afghanistan, in a private security position. He's guarding the people who need guarding, and every time i think about it, i think about the Gibsonian private security firms. The ones with police/military level authority, on their own compound's grounds, with that level of training. And i'm worried about him, even though i know, very well, that he can take good care of himself. It also makes me wonder, when my family members start doing shit about which people write novels...

My older sister, i've recently been informed, is planning not to go back to college, next semester, in order that she may work more hours, and move out of the house in which she currently lives, with my father and step-mother. That title never sits well, with me, by the way; she's always just been her, or my other mom. (MDFMK - [Transmutation]). My sister has, ever since we were 15, had trouble with her mother, and they don't get along well, at all. They get into fights, and they go through periods of not acknowledging one another's existences. My dad tries to mediate, getting both of them to see each other's sides, and making sure that my sister is happy. He wants me to help her out, and talk to her about staying in school... And i want to do that, too... i just have no fucking Clue as to what i should say to her. It's her choice... i just don't know if she's made it, with full thought, or if she'll be severely unhappy, with it... Mrrrrr....

Thirdly, i'm pretty sure i failed my math class. That bothers me. (Tanzwut - [Bitte, Bitte]). There's not shit i can do about it, but i'm pretty sure i failed it. I understood the quadratics, and the logarithms, and the exponential ratios, and all of that... Everything toward the end of the class. But i blanked on the final, and i fucked up, in some other places. I never got the semester project in. Yeah... Going to have to take that again. Dropping my GPA. Fucking up my chances of getting the position i want, in GradSchool.

I feel like things are changing, rapidly, and that's Good, but i'm not moving fast enough, to keep up. Think about playing water glasses: Each one is full of a different amount of water, each plays a different pitch, note, key. (Don Henley - [The Boys of Summer (Comorbid Top Down Mix)]). Now put them on a moving track. You still have to play a cohesive, affecting, world-changing song, on them, not tip them over, and not shatter any of them, withthe notes form any others of them. That's what i feel like my life has become, right now... Not impossible, at all, simply difficult. Very difficult, with such small things.

So that's what i've been ignoring, in favour of the substance, to tie it all together. Trying to find that, i mean. Fuck it, I'm gonna go watch cartoons.

Later.