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Oct. 30th, 2004
MC Paul Barman - [MC Fibonacci Sequence]--- Keep in mind, i'm quitting smoking, tonight. Things may get a little quiet, or tense, around these reading parts, soon. I just finished re-reading Transmet, again. (Republica - [Ready To Go]). I appreciate it more and more every time.
I'm really here to vent something, surprise surprise. I don't like dressing up, for Hallowe'en. I don't like putting on masks, and hiding me. I don't like "being something else," because i spent years trying to figure out what the fuck it meantt to be me. I took a nice long look at myself, over the years, and found out that anything i could pretend to be, i already am. And you know what else? I'm the scariest fucking thing i know.
People ask me, every year, what i'm going as, and each year i tell them "Myself, because i'm scary enough." They tend to scoff and roll their eyes, but it's the fucking truth. I don't like pretending, anymore, and i never really did, when i was a kid. When i was a kid, i wanted everything i "pretended" to be real; now that i'm a nominal adult, i'm working toward making it so. (VNV Nation - [Beloved (Live)]). There is nothing i could pretend to be, that i'm not, already, in some form or another, and when i find something that synchs with me (Grendel, this year), i can never perfect and personalise it, to the degree that i'd like.
So, i like to go as myself. When i think back on the things i've done, the things i Am, the things i'm planning to do, the places i've been.. i think that fits.
Manifesting horns and raven wings, aside, what else is there?
I'm really here to vent something, surprise surprise. I don't like dressing up, for Hallowe'en. I don't like putting on masks, and hiding me. I don't like "being something else," because i spent years trying to figure out what the fuck it meantt to be me. I took a nice long look at myself, over the years, and found out that anything i could pretend to be, i already am. And you know what else? I'm the scariest fucking thing i know.
People ask me, every year, what i'm going as, and each year i tell them "Myself, because i'm scary enough." They tend to scoff and roll their eyes, but it's the fucking truth. I don't like pretending, anymore, and i never really did, when i was a kid. When i was a kid, i wanted everything i "pretended" to be real; now that i'm a nominal adult, i'm working toward making it so. (VNV Nation - [Beloved (Live)]). There is nothing i could pretend to be, that i'm not, already, in some form or another, and when i find something that synchs with me (Grendel, this year), i can never perfect and personalise it, to the degree that i'd like.
So, i like to go as myself. When i think back on the things i've done, the things i Am, the things i'm planning to do, the places i've been.. i think that fits.
Manifesting horns and raven wings, aside, what else is there?