So.... School was,... Yesterday, now...

Collective Soul - [The World I Know]--- I guess this song is appropriate. Classes were an excercise in Lateness, and Film History looks fun, i guess. Saw more people than i thought i would... (Echo And The Bunnymen - [The Killing Moon]). Many many people asking about me, wondering about me, happy to see me, couldn't live their lives properly if i wasn't there, oh good there i am, time for them to go. Like i said: people who know me, know me; people who were acquainted with me, continue to be so. Until they choose to be otherwise. *shrug*

I'm a bit... still off, you know? Can't be in any kind of "routine," yet, with th e getting used to the classes.. such the Odd schedule, as well... DragonCon shite, soon. Shit i need to DO. TAngled threads, and things... WAs pretty sure i'd escaped being that guy that everybody knows. I like knowing everyone... but not in the sense that i'm some kind of It's A Small World lynch pin. A binding thread. Simply makes me uncomfortable, i guess... (KMFDM - [Lust]). Something i can equate, too well, with being and icon, after a fashion. *vomits*

I need to start writing, again... i haven't written a story, since i finished "Corners Without Light," and the poems i've written have all had Problems, of their sort. Wonderful subject matter, but something in my descriptions and manipulations, thereof, that make them... difficult... Need to Art, a bit. I haven't worked onthat Picture, in a while, and i need to. I need to focus on my personal spirituality through creativity. There was so much that was, in my mind, unconsciously linked to smoking, that i'm having trouble accessing it, without it. It's really kind of upsetting me... fiercely.

KMFDM - [Blood (Evil-Mix)]--- Which is the other option. Sociopath it, and burnit all away, then build new, again. Make it ashes and nothing, and rise out of it, somehow... But that burning's not a clean one... That's dirty and messy, and it's an excercise in hurting people... It's hard to rise from that burning. The Phoenix can burn itself to ashes and cinders, and rise again, because people know it as as Distant as it is. It hurts and leaves and mars no one but itself. It is, contained, its own creation and destruction. It doesn't have to explain it's motives, and Why it needed to destroy and burn and re-create itself, To Itself. It already knows. And people already know that that is its nature. People don't get/won't accept/don't/won't believe that that can be necessary for me. That i may need to be a bastard, or alone, or Hate them, or whatever, for a time, and that it's not an always thing. It's something to rend the tatters of a dying whatever the fuck... (God Lives Underwater - [Vapors]). And so many people (again with this edge) say that they'll be ok with it, that they'll understand... They Mean to say that they'll try to understand. That they'll give it an effort, not to be hurt. To get that i need them to Fuck Off. That i need to be a bit of a Sociopath, for a bit, maybe, until i get shit straight, again. Kill the Emotion away, to resurrect the Thought, and then balance the Two, again. 0/1. Always about the Slash.

And i need to know, again, what my Purpose is, because i'm having... nothing, really... I don't deliver the messages, these days... Other people do. Maybe that's something i should try to figure out... (Covenant - [Like Tears In Rain]). Something i should See to. Why they're going through a different source. I feel like i've been Distracted. Like the universe is like... "Oh Shit! A Bear!" And we're in a supermarket, in a city with no zoo or circus. Then it Runs. And i'm leaft to deal with all the hysterical people, screaming over an imaginary bear. Does that get through to anyone? Other, real problems, been distracted with stuff that doesn't really matter, keeping me from the useful things i Could be doing, and Crazyness. (Fleming & John - [Carol of the Bells]). I'm dealing with things like... Not Having an important part in the Proceedings, for whatever reason. That's what it comes down to. And i don't know why... What the Fuck, you know... What else am i supposed to do? No one ASks me to deliver messages, anymore. It's like they forgot that i do that. *Bitchbitchbitch Moanmoanmoan Whinewhinewhine.* Bah. Fuck This Shit.

VNV Nation - [Epicentre]--- Universe: If you do want me to do other things, make them Clear, make them real. Not this Bullshit, of sidelines and Benched and No Real Purpose. People... People. Sigh. What do i even Show. Where do i turn to portray understanding, anymore? It's Fucked up. It's like.. i'm a professor, with no class and no syllabus. I'm simply kind of There. No cirriculum. Nothing. Kind of hurtful. Changes happening... Truths... Fluctuations, and pulsations... things have gotten Off. Can't really Stop. Need to find that whole Control Thing, i once had... Cause that was good... Purpose and sense of PLace...

Something...

Any suggestions? Seriously? This is one of the few times you'll ever see a "Help" sign, in public forum. Maybe ever... So whatever.

I'm going to go to bed. Maybe shit will look better, tomorrow. I'll work on Art, and i'll actually start Detailing the things i need to get done.

Really need to go to bed, now.

Dream Well

{Addendum: One Minute Later: This is a good day to come up with practical strategies to help your business, WOLVEN. You could be thinking about preparing for long-term success. If you are forming a corporation, you could be putting together a group of board members who will best serve the company's interests. Or if you are trying to market your services, you might be thinking about where you would like to be in five years.

Hah.}

"All is well, and all is well, and all will be well." - Mr Wednesday.

Nine Inch Nails - [The Becoming]--- Dreams of wandering around places, with my dad, that remind me childhood, and awkward silences, because memories of childhood don't flow too well into memories of the now, and there's a schism, a place where things silmply don't mesh, really... something changes, and it feels like, under the happy family, under the exterior, under the Son and Father dynamic, there's always teh looming Ghost of a purpose... of being Groomed. (Chevelle - [The Red]). A fucked upedly appropriate dream, on many levels, i guess... If i could but figure out... No. It's All of them.

That was my Kick in the Ass, half-shameful, half-couldn't/wouldn't-have-it-being-any-other-way Admission, as to what the fuck i need to know. (KMFDM - [Blood (Evil-Mix)]). There are things that i'm made for, and things i get to do. And those are always with me, it's a matter, not of recognizing them, but of recognising how i get to access them, with each new bit of me i remember.

Too many perspectives is only paralyzing, when you don't remember that they're all yours.

I'm going to go shower, and eat food. Then i'm down to campus. Have great days, everyone.

Thanks. All of you.

{Minutes Later: "Clue-By-Four" (tm by mech_angel)

PIG - [Blades (KMFDM Remix)]

mech_angel: Think about it. You Bring connections, in MANY ways, to many people.
mech_angel: Gorillaz-19-2000
Damien667: Yeah...
Damien667: it's true...
Damien667: >_<
Damien667: fuck
Damien667: *Click* Hello?
mech_angel: And, at least for us, you're not so much Benched, as the guy in the Control tower showing me the angle of the plane's wings, and the azimuth, and the way the Wind is blowing.
mech_angel: While I maneuver it in.
Damien667: "Yes, hello, this is an Obvious Message, for Wolven. Can you accept?"
Damien667: I'm sorry, i don't understand. What is this, now?
mech_angel: *grins at having the opportunity to use the4 word Azimuth*
Damien667: "This is an OBVIOUS MESSAGE, for Wolven. Is Wolven Here?"
Damien667: I'm sorry, i don't know what you have or who you're looking for.
Damien667: *CRACK* OW...
Damien667: Oohh *in pain*.. Hey.. Is that an obvious message for me?
mech_angel: ROFL
Damien667: Hey... Where'd I Go...
Damien667: Oh, there i am.
mech_angel: Kenna-Hellbent
Damien667: LOL
mech_angel: >_<

Chimaira - [Sphere]--- Yeah, being That Guy is a very passive title, and yeah, needing people is a fucked up thing, as is trying to understand. Requires a Lot of the person doing it. But actively going out, and making that know, all of it.. That, i think, is the key. Not sitting by as people know of me, but make sure that the people who know of me, get the opportunity to know me, as much as that's possible for someone who isn't me.

And, again, thank you all. *smiles* (Jack Off Jill - [Cinnamon Spider]). Still getting better. Later}

{{PIG - [Rope]--- And i need to not be complaining about the fact that people know me. What the fuck is THAT? "People are giving me money. Make them stop." What the fuck, right? People can rock, and if they don't i can tell and always have told them to go to hell. Why should this begin to be an issue, now? It shouldn't. Things change. I strive to change, in such a ways as to compliment them.}}

Had to.. It was taunting me.

( Battle Cry Sheepness )

Here, have my Schedule

Poe - [Spanish Doll]---
Mondays and Wednesdays:
1.30pm - 2.45pm: Political Science 1101: American Government. *makes obscene gesture*

3.00pm - 4.15pm: Film 2700: Film History, with Eddy Von Mueller. He Rocks. Amazingly funny guy. Would have fit right in, in the Philosophy Department.

5.30pm - 6.45pm: Political Science 2401: World Issues.

Tuesdays and Thursdays:
7.15pm - 8.30pm: German 2001: Intermediate German 1, with Sara Nicol. WOOHOO!

Poe - [Amazed]--- Classes started like this: Yesterday: 30 minutes Late to first class, get syllabus, fill out Info card thingy, class over, leave. MASSIVE Lecture Hall class. Ew. Wander five minutes back across campus, courtyard, hang with people, yay, fun. Back over to Aderhold. Second class... Hilarity ensues, lots of great quips, started learning about the history of film, immediately, good times had by all. Hang out with people more, yay, fun happy times, woohoo! Last class is canceld. {Professor out of the country on Family business.} See sentence regarding hanging out with people.

Hung out at home with michette and Ben, and we got ciders, and then Ben wasn't feeling well. (Poe - [If You Were Here]). He left, then karishi came over, then Al, Rosie and Devin came over, and we went to Tower, to try to pick up Simpsons Season Three, at midnight. Didn't have it. Got Mr. Show season three, instead. Rock. Went to R. Thomas, with damnedsaint, michette, Rosie, Devin, and Al. Things were miscommunicated, and karishi didn't show. My Fault, kind of. Got home, cleaned a bit, talked to karishi, came online, wrote that bitchy post from last night (I make no apologies), and then went to bed.

Today: (Chimaira - [Sphere]). Got to school at about 3.3o, or so. Hung out with people, all day, saw people, got my hairs cut. Found out the world was even smaller... Hung out with bakeneko, michette, ladymerrydeath, and raoin. Went to German. Rock. On.

Velvet Acid Christ - [Futile (LSD Mix)]--- Hadn't seen so many people. Was, in each their special way, extactic to see them all... So strange i am... ^_^

I started working on a project, again... something i'll talk about when it's closer to done and real.. It's good stuff, though... really helps with the... creativity. Output. Kept getting Input, with no output. As my Dad would say. So i'm off.

And Yes. This song Is about the Borg.

Later.