The magic of not giving a fuck.

[wolven7]

About 3 months ago, Katie West Told Me To Give No Fucks. I've been thinking about that, a lot, lately.

This last month, I almost ran out of fucks to give. Between the car, and the money, and plagiarism... Well. It took a toll. But due to the kindness of my friends, my store of fucks was replenished, and I calmed down, severely.

But.

But, I've been thinking about what it really means to give no fucks. To be without care.

It's about not just about not caring, but not caring about whatever the fuck you don't want to care about and caring passionately about what you want to care about.

So.

Tell me what you want to happen. Tell me what you need. I'll tell you something you need to do to make it happen.

I'll design you a spell.

I've taught you, showed you, described to you magic, before. But you don't seem to care.

And I want you to know that I don't give a fuck. I will always teach you. I will always ask you. I will always listen to what you want and need, and describe to you precisely what you need to do to get it.

I will always show you that you can bend the world to your will, and align your will to the world, and understand that the latter is the far harder part.

I will hand you the knife and throw the switch.

I will do what I need to do to bring every understanding of magic and will and blood and effort and desire back to the forebrain of this collective consciousness we call a species.

Because I'm all out of fucks to give about your not giving a fuck about those things about which I give a fuck.

Sex, blood, desire, greed, need, experience, sensation, intimacy, demand, introspection and self-exploration.

Let's do this.

Comments

[not-hothead-yet.livejournal.com]

its hard to get movtivated to go along with such a plan when you frame it with "I don't think you care"

how the hell do YOU know whether I care or not? Because I don't give the reaction you want?

Let's start over;
I'm sorry, I know how much it sucks when life slaps you upside the head with unpleasant realities and surprising obstacles are tossed at you. I would help you deal with both but I wouldn't take them away from you.

What do I want to happen? I want this fleeting occasional feeling of "contentment" and "arrival" I get to stick around more. The fact that I have it at all means I'm getting my life back to where I wanted it to be all along. But it also tells me I had some serious waking up I needed to do and I'm about as awake as I can be now. And I'm mightily glad of it all.

What do I want to happen? I want my friendships to progress again. Everything else in my life has evolved, now it's time for my social interactions to evolve too. I want and need to meet new people and see old people in a new way. School will help with that. Doing ARTC will help with that. But more than anything, re-assessing my own self will do that. Making hard decisions. And kicking my own ass enough to make shit happen. Without all the old pains and fears dogging my heels I can make shit happen. So I am.

There; I give a fuck about some of the same things you do.

*hugs*

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I only know who cares about what I write by who talks to me about what I write, and the overwhelming fact of the matter is most people don't respond to my posts on magic.

So far as the rest of it goes, I can't think of any better advice than to bookmark what you've said here, and come back to it, whenever you need it.

And I already knew you did. *hug*

[raidingparty.livejournal.com]

Stop blaming myself.

Start integrating everything.

Win the love game.

Figure out what that means, and in the vein of integration, how it overlaps with my sexual interests and curiosity.=.

Win the money game.

Prosperity! I get stuff! But I'm not greedy - I totally share.

---

And in that last vein, Mum gave me a bunch of set-up statements to examine for my wealth mindset:

> 1. even though I was taught "Rich people tend to be greedy and unethical."
>
> 2. even though "I'm not smart/lucky/good looking/old/young enough to
> strike it big."
>
> 3. even though I was taught "Spirituality and wealth should not go
> hand in hand."
>
> 4. even though I can see that "The rich get richer, the poor get
> poorer, and that's just the way it is."
>
> 5. even though I know that "I can only be rich if I work hard and
> sacrifice my personal happiness."

[wolven.livejournal.com]

"Stop blaming myself"

This kind of thing is always the hardest for me to te4ll someone how to circumvent. My initial reaction is "Just Stop Doing It." But that's very Bob Newhart of me, so I don't do that.

Here: Go to a mirror and stand in front of it. Make the face your parents say is your nicest. Smile, serious, whatever. Make a beautiful face. Take a picture of that face. Abstract it from yourself. Think of it as a Separate Person.

Now. Every time you go to blame yourself for something, instead look at that picture of that other person. Try to blame that person.

Now ask yourself: Would you blame everything that goes wrong in your life on someone else? Would you unfairly place blame on another?

"Start integrating everything."

Need more data. "Integrate" in what way? Each into each? All into yourself? "Everything" of a particular set? Everything there is? Everything each to each? Everything into yourself? All of the above?

Cerulean is a clear blue sky. Every drop is the ocean, and the ocean is each drop.

Take three cups of water, two empty bottles, and a bowl. Label them. Combine and recombine until you forget what you're doing or why. Keep going. Stop when you need to. Whatever the combination of containers is, at that time, that's your starting point. Integrate those things, first.

"Win the love game."

Find the Red Queen..

"Figure out what that means, and in the vein of integration, how it overlaps with my sexual interests and curiosity."

Find. The Red. Queen.

"Win the money game."

Money... I'll need to think on this one.

"Prosperity! I get stuff! But I'm not greedy - I totally share."

I take exception to your characterization of greed. I think you mean to say "You're Not Selfish..." Focus on Sharing Greed.

[raidingparty.livejournal.com]

I - Shades of that first one has been exceptionally helpful, thank you. I just need to remember to use it, which brings up the second one.
Really, really thank you. This has felt quite liberating.

II - I agree, "Integrating everything" is definitely far too wide a scope. It was meant to be a catch-all for several different sub-sections in my life, each of which lacks a fundamental structure that I think could stand to be improved across the board.
A - A slight improvement in reading the same weekly horoscope daily rather than just the day it changes, but I still rarely remember it. I also haven't made a conscious effort to taste instinct. It took almost a year for me to start tapping after finding out about it. So for this part, integrating what I learn into my consciousness.
B - Closet is full of unfinished (or -started in some cases) projects, organizational attempt still has things piling up (although it's also helped me be quite effective, or at least acknowledge that I've been so). So to that end, integrating my long-term goals, short-term goals, and time management tools would be good.
Also, killing solitaire. I now remember why I gave it up for Lent last year (and long afterwards, but rediscovered it while waiting for the computer to do stuff :P).

:D Suddenly realized how funny the "solitaire" thing is when juxtaposed with the next part.

III - Hokay. So this game assumes there is a solution, i.e. The Red Queen exists. I have met her and not recognized (and therefore found) her, (inclusive)or I have not met her. The first step either way seems to be to determine how I would recognize her. After that, figuring out how to find her.

IV - The first step of this one is actually the endpoint. Much like the pursuit of happiness, I can contextualize "winning the money game" as the thorough appreciation and enjoyment of material goods and prosperity. Tying back to IIA, improved consciousness to the end of counting my blessings. Other things:
A - I never again want to worry about having enough for a month. Reframed positively: I always want to have plenty.
B - I want to go to conventions and interesting trips and dances without worrying it will throw my budget out of whack.
C - I want to be able to support my people when they need it, and give everyone I can a reason to enjoy "nice things" as well.
D - I want to redefine prosperity in a way that breaks the current political models presented by both sides of popular culture.

[lillash.livejournal.com]

I've been impressed with both your interest and your talent in magic since I met you. It's inspired me to explore it on my own time. But, I am certainly, as Bonewits would describe, far more an occultist than a magician. I'm not great with magic; I'm pretty damn good at studying it. What you give me, I will try, and I'm confident it will work. So:

I want to be published. I want to be published in such a way that I will continue to be published because this is the best way I know to make a real, intimate with people (I am, at my heart, a hermit). Specifically, immediately, I want the short stories I'm sending out now to get published, for people to enjoy them, and for people to want me to publish more because they enjoy what I write. I don't care about fame. I care about expressing myself, because this is how I express myself. So, what I very specifically need is for these short stories to get published. That alone will encourage me enough to continue writing and submitting and publishing.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

You've done the absolute best you can, yes?

Take the one story you love the best. Take the one you think deserves recognition the most. Read it. Re-read it. Print it out and read it again. Memorize it, and be able to quote it, at length, verbatim. Dream it, again and again.

Take your printout and set it on fire, and collect the ashes. Mix it with egg white, water, and honey made from a flower you find sacred. A drop or two of your own blood would be traditional.

Take the resultant ink, and thoroughly mix it into the body of a larger container of ink. Use a fountain or quill pen to rewrite, by hand, from memory, as much of the story as you can, until the ink runs out.