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wolven7We all had a good time with our friends Chris and Lauren, at Trivia at The Vortex Little Five. It was Chris' first time there, so I'm glad it was a good one. He got one of their new drinks, The SkullCrusher. It is Weirdly Delicious.
It's getting really difficult to incoroporate the everyday synchronicity of words into the flow of conversation in such a way that it doesn't raise suspicion or alarm. That it's integrated into the thought and speech patterns of others with ease and aplomb. A well-chosen word, a particular turn of phrase, just the right piece of music at just the right time, all of these things used to be easy, natural. Now I have to dig, scrape down through the floatsam and jetsam of top layer mental detritus to get at the heart at the core at the meat of the mind.
I want to talk to you about what's on your mind, and I used to not have to ask too many questions, to get there. But lately, it's like a smothering blanket over my faculties.
Fiona Apple - [Shadowboxer]--- Too easily distracted. Too easily put off course.
Therapy would be the answer, if I had the money to take the classes, or see a person. As it stands, all I want...
Well, you know that first therapy scene in Grosse Pointe Blank, where Martin and Oatman are talking, and Oatman gets really nervous and says, "And now. . . I'm thinking, 'I gotta be creative in a really interesting way, or Martin's gonna blow my brains out!' You're holding me hostage!"
Joy Valencia - Wallet--- Kind of like that. I want to not feel like that.
Working on extricating myself from the sets of thought patterns which lead to social performance, and anxieties thereabout. Because it's bullshit.
Anyway. What's on your mind, today? How are things with you?
It's getting really difficult to incoroporate the everyday synchronicity of words into the flow of conversation in such a way that it doesn't raise suspicion or alarm. That it's integrated into the thought and speech patterns of others with ease and aplomb. A well-chosen word, a particular turn of phrase, just the right piece of music at just the right time, all of these things used to be easy, natural. Now I have to dig, scrape down through the floatsam and jetsam of top layer mental detritus to get at the heart at the core at the meat of the mind.
I want to talk to you about what's on your mind, and I used to not have to ask too many questions, to get there. But lately, it's like a smothering blanket over my faculties.
Fiona Apple - [Shadowboxer]--- Too easily distracted. Too easily put off course.
Therapy would be the answer, if I had the money to take the classes, or see a person. As it stands, all I want...
Well, you know that first therapy scene in Grosse Pointe Blank, where Martin and Oatman are talking, and Oatman gets really nervous and says, "And now. . . I'm thinking, 'I gotta be creative in a really interesting way, or Martin's gonna blow my brains out!' You're holding me hostage!"
Joy Valencia - Wallet--- Kind of like that. I want to not feel like that.
Working on extricating myself from the sets of thought patterns which lead to social performance, and anxieties thereabout. Because it's bullshit.
Anyway. What's on your mind, today? How are things with you?
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-07 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-07 03:24 am (UTC)i'll share
Date: 2011-07-07 03:53 pm (UTC)i had a huge argument with ryam on monday because... well, actually the reason doesnt matter. we were both fuckers.
then we got collectively united in indignation after we got bitched at because we didnt stick around to have our pictures taken post-marriage-ceremony, even though it was hot as balls and neither of us was feeling all that well.
so it was nice to feel united as a couple but it makes for tense angry-making snippityness with our relationship with the newlyweds. boo.
there are other places with other people where i could also point and say, 'hey this feels out-of-wack/fucked-up/off-kilter' but they're much harder to define in terms of space/time because it's just a sensation you get, not really concrete.
in general, i feel like it's a lot of the same tension making crap too. like we're rehashing the same stuff. again.
in less serious mental fixations. physically it feels like my nails are really long and sharp but then i look at them, to consider cutting them, and they look fine-normal length, not sharp.