wolven7 | Problems.

Had one of those moments today where it hit me that I'm never again going to be able to study everything I want to study in the same academic environment with the people with whom I want to study it. That any new university I attend, either for another MA or a PhD, is going to require me A) making new allies, and B) Fighting all over again to explain to people why what I'm studying (magic, remember? Contemporary expressions and conceptualizations) is valid and meaningful, and I don't feel like I have it in me to do both of those things.

I'm not self-contained. I need other people. I know: Weaksauce, WWMCLD, and all that, but the fact is, I need people who actually get what I'm doing to be around and talk with me, while I'm working through this shit. Absent that, I go a little crazy.

And it struck me, today, that that will never happen, that way, again.

I've been trying to take deep breaths and remind myself that such is life. To plan and create this think tank/consultancy, before all of these people drift away...

Because I would love nothing more than to be your guranteed job, after you finish your PhD, or your MA, or while you take a long break, or whatever. To be the place where you can study and write and talk about the things which matter to you. To be your patron, your backer, your investment capital. Because it would mean that you and I were always somewhere we could talk about the things that matter to you, and work on showing the world why they matter.

Deadsy - [Future Years]--- Because that's the ultimate expression of this, and it's the closest I'll ever get, again, to being in school with people who get me, get each other, get the whole deal.

So, yeah, that was tonight. Need fewer nights like that.