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wolven7I've noticed, lately, that all the things people are trying to do, are backfiring. Is it Backwards Year? Why did i not get the reverse memo? I'm unhappy with the social and collective status of a lot of things, right now. I've potentially lost a friend's CD, i'm having More trouble with apartment shite, and i'm lonely, tired, bored, and Feeling Eminently Gothic, right now. By that i means, i'm feeling the "No one understands, and no one loves me, and if they do it's not in the way i want them to love me, and of course everything has to be exactly the way i want it, because, otherwise, what's the universe For?" Right? Yeah. I hate feeling like this, but it's such a True feeling that it's difficult to stop.
Recently, there's been a lot of talk about Live and Deadjournals being the Harbingers of all Drama. Now, i'm willing to concede that, perhaps, things which are said on live journal, are, sometimes, best left for private forum ("And what about that [beard] paper she wrote? Was that another way you and her would work things out? By writing oblique papers, attacking the other?"), but not all L and djs have been such a source of publicized Theater. For instance, my own.
Don't ask me how i does it, but I does it, somehow; I manage to keep my livejournal, talk here, post publicly, and still not offend anyone. At least, not to my knowledge. I say that because i have asked, multiple times, that if i say something that offends you, you should let me know. Most likely, if it's a trivial, suck-it-up-and-grow kind of thing, i'll tell you to go screw yourself with some kind of gardening equipment. But, if i see that it is something that has done you deep and personal wrong, then you may get a rare apology. The novelty alone, should be worth the risk. Anyway, as i was saying, i've found that my Livejournal is a bastion of No-Drama, because i don't name names, and i don't talk shit. Except when i do, and i've ALREADY done it to the person's face, so they aren't blind-sided by it, and, then, i'm most likely only relating it as "Something That Happened." I'm saying all of this because, having designated my LJ a Drama-Free Zone, i'm going to have to do something to soften the blow, as it were, from those pesky Tempted Fates. Here we go.
We've touched on this subject, before, i know, but i want to go here, again: Reactions of people, and what i see as wrong with them. Especially as having to do with dating. Dating, jealousy, commitment, trust, monogamy (which is, oh it is, different from the big "C" word.), and-- Holiest of all Holies-- Love. People are Stupid, stupid, STUPID, when it comes to all of the above. And i'm going to tell you my reasoning for the above statements.
Firstly, we have a fairly straight-forward relationship, right? I tell you stuff, you give me comments, and we work together, to reach some sort of better understanding. We don't play games, because why do we need to? It would only get in the way. Why must it be different, when the above factors come into play? Each new factor brings with it a new strata of pain and mind-games, and all straight-forward, honest understanding is lost, at least for a little while. Here's where it starts to get a little tricky... a little personal...
Say, perhaps, that someone's interested in me. Insanity, i know, but bear with me. This person has agreed that there will be no monogamy, and no real commitment, past the Friendship level. Causal dating may happen. Now, today, i talked to someone in whom i'm also interested. As i've noted, monogamy is not a Thing for me, right now... Don't think i'm ready. Used to. Got dissuaded of that. Long Fucking Story. ANYWAY! I talked to this other person, for a fairly long time today, about various things, and was, all around, intrigued. Problem being, other person has boyfriend. No idea as to seriousness, matters as much as it would to Her. {Addendum. 2.24 AM: What i mean is, however much that relationship means to her, is how much i Respect it.}
Now, i could go on, for days, about my past machinations, in the realm of romance, but, as i said, i would go on for Days. Suffice it to say, there have been many machinations, and like the clockwork clocks, of days gone by, they all broke, burned and started spitting venom into the eyes of passerby, eventually. Those, of current, are in the process of having all their little cogs, and sprockets soused out, and sorted, so they can all be better delineated, and more well known. And they will all crash and burn, if anyone starts misunderstanding anyone else.
I'm not tied to anyone. I'm not dis-loyal, i'm not Un-Faithful... shit how can i be when there's been nothing decided? Am i right kids? So why in the blue fuck should my talking about the people in whom i'm interested, on My Livejournal, be a potential Drama Risk? It shouldn't. And it may not be. I may be making a bigger deal out of something, than is necessary. And even then, people like to get Mad that you could have ever thought such things of them. As if it were less than impossible that they would have reacted that way. *sigh* {Addendum. 2.25 AM: Or they'll say that they're not mad and then be lying so as to "Not Upset You." Mind Games, subconscious or no. *Triple Sigh*}
Yo. I'll put this shit to you, straight up, dawg: I don't give a flying fuck if you're seeing 18 other people. Going to the movies with, talking to, dating, whatever the monkey-raping ass-fuck you want to call it. As long as i get to engage in conversation, company, and a certain depth of fucking feeling, then, yeah, i'm pretty much Set. *Hiss* One day, maybe someday soon, i'll be ready for monogamy, again, but it ain't right now. And i'm sorry to whomever that offends.
To address my assertions, it's a natural instinct. Biological imperative. There are levels of psychology involved that say "This is the way it's supposed to be." And to that i say, it's only Supposed to be however the fuck you Need/Want it to be. And if the person after whom you happen to be chasing can't accept/mesh with the things you need, then perhaps it's time to, oh i don't know, Be Horribly Brutally, Frighteningly Honest With Them? *Gasp!* Barring that, move out, shut up, get on with your life,
I'm done, for now. Back when i'm not so ranty.
Recently, there's been a lot of talk about Live and Deadjournals being the Harbingers of all Drama. Now, i'm willing to concede that, perhaps, things which are said on live journal, are, sometimes, best left for private forum ("And what about that [beard] paper she wrote? Was that another way you and her would work things out? By writing oblique papers, attacking the other?"), but not all L and djs have been such a source of publicized Theater. For instance, my own.
Don't ask me how i does it, but I does it, somehow; I manage to keep my livejournal, talk here, post publicly, and still not offend anyone. At least, not to my knowledge. I say that because i have asked, multiple times, that if i say something that offends you, you should let me know. Most likely, if it's a trivial, suck-it-up-and-grow kind of thing, i'll tell you to go screw yourself with some kind of gardening equipment. But, if i see that it is something that has done you deep and personal wrong, then you may get a rare apology. The novelty alone, should be worth the risk. Anyway, as i was saying, i've found that my Livejournal is a bastion of No-Drama, because i don't name names, and i don't talk shit. Except when i do, and i've ALREADY done it to the person's face, so they aren't blind-sided by it, and, then, i'm most likely only relating it as "Something That Happened." I'm saying all of this because, having designated my LJ a Drama-Free Zone, i'm going to have to do something to soften the blow, as it were, from those pesky Tempted Fates. Here we go.
We've touched on this subject, before, i know, but i want to go here, again: Reactions of people, and what i see as wrong with them. Especially as having to do with dating. Dating, jealousy, commitment, trust, monogamy (which is, oh it is, different from the big "C" word.), and-- Holiest of all Holies-- Love. People are Stupid, stupid, STUPID, when it comes to all of the above. And i'm going to tell you my reasoning for the above statements.
Firstly, we have a fairly straight-forward relationship, right? I tell you stuff, you give me comments, and we work together, to reach some sort of better understanding. We don't play games, because why do we need to? It would only get in the way. Why must it be different, when the above factors come into play? Each new factor brings with it a new strata of pain and mind-games, and all straight-forward, honest understanding is lost, at least for a little while. Here's where it starts to get a little tricky... a little personal...
Say, perhaps, that someone's interested in me. Insanity, i know, but bear with me. This person has agreed that there will be no monogamy, and no real commitment, past the Friendship level. Causal dating may happen. Now, today, i talked to someone in whom i'm also interested. As i've noted, monogamy is not a Thing for me, right now... Don't think i'm ready. Used to. Got dissuaded of that. Long Fucking Story. ANYWAY! I talked to this other person, for a fairly long time today, about various things, and was, all around, intrigued. Problem being, other person has boyfriend. No idea as to seriousness, matters as much as it would to Her. {Addendum. 2.24 AM: What i mean is, however much that relationship means to her, is how much i Respect it.}
Now, i could go on, for days, about my past machinations, in the realm of romance, but, as i said, i would go on for Days. Suffice it to say, there have been many machinations, and like the clockwork clocks, of days gone by, they all broke, burned and started spitting venom into the eyes of passerby, eventually. Those, of current, are in the process of having all their little cogs, and sprockets soused out, and sorted, so they can all be better delineated, and more well known. And they will all crash and burn, if anyone starts misunderstanding anyone else.
I'm not tied to anyone. I'm not dis-loyal, i'm not Un-Faithful... shit how can i be when there's been nothing decided? Am i right kids? So why in the blue fuck should my talking about the people in whom i'm interested, on My Livejournal, be a potential Drama Risk? It shouldn't. And it may not be. I may be making a bigger deal out of something, than is necessary. And even then, people like to get Mad that you could have ever thought such things of them. As if it were less than impossible that they would have reacted that way. *sigh* {Addendum. 2.25 AM: Or they'll say that they're not mad and then be lying so as to "Not Upset You." Mind Games, subconscious or no. *Triple Sigh*}
Yo. I'll put this shit to you, straight up, dawg: I don't give a flying fuck if you're seeing 18 other people. Going to the movies with, talking to, dating, whatever the monkey-raping ass-fuck you want to call it. As long as i get to engage in conversation, company, and a certain depth of fucking feeling, then, yeah, i'm pretty much Set. *Hiss* One day, maybe someday soon, i'll be ready for monogamy, again, but it ain't right now. And i'm sorry to whomever that offends.
To address my assertions, it's a natural instinct. Biological imperative. There are levels of psychology involved that say "This is the way it's supposed to be." And to that i say, it's only Supposed to be however the fuck you Need/Want it to be. And if the person after whom you happen to be chasing can't accept/mesh with the things you need, then perhaps it's time to, oh i don't know, Be Horribly Brutally, Frighteningly Honest With Them? *Gasp!* Barring that, move out, shut up, get on with your life,
I'm done, for now. Back when i'm not so ranty.
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You too, eh?
Date: 2002-11-06 10:44 pm (UTC)Re: You too, eh?
Your own private thoughts
Date: 2002-11-07 05:07 am (UTC)--JMDC
Re: Your own private thoughts
It's possible. And if it stays one-sided, then someone's bound the get freaked the hell out. :\
All i ask is communication, and understanding. Again: Is that too much?
Makes sense...
Date: 2002-11-07 09:31 am (UTC)And as for the relationship thing...People love to make things difficult, because it seems they feel a relationship isn't complete without difficulties. I was mentioned this recently, that some people do that, and my first thought was 'Wait, MOST people do that.' I catch myself doing it sometimes, if only because I'm in a fighty mood and it's been a while. And VERY few people can have a truly casual open relationship. I know I couldn't. They like being able to fool around with others, but when it's the other person's turn, jealousy blooms.
Bah, I don't know why i'm rambling like this...
-Mech
Re: Makes sense...
It's bloody annoying...
Date: 2002-11-09 07:11 am (UTC)For my part, if you were to say something about me that i didn't want to hear, i would take any distress thus incurred as my due for reading your journal. Feel free to dash my (previously tainted) name about as you will.
As for the L word...does the sun burn with jealousy for the moon, knowing that the forest enjoys her silvery embrace each night, or does the forest resent the sun, wondering what other trees he runs to every turn...to over-anthropomorphize, one way of considering it, be it any comfort, is that for all we know the very rotation of our planet is one ponderous lovers' dance of jealousy and infidelities.
saigh
Re: It's bloody annoying...
Love, again, is a difficult thing to maitain, and understand. But i still hold that there isd a way to have it all, in one.
Or maybe i'm crazy. Either way...
Re: It's bloody annoying...
Date: 2002-11-10 03:57 pm (UTC)poitn being, you'll wait longer to find someone who actually can encompass and share your ideals on a like level of maturity, but when you do find them it will be all the more harmonious for such a mating of equals being the rarer...lonely at the top, or the arse, or wherever you find yourself i suppose...
(wink) *shuffles back into the trees*
saigh
Re: It's bloody annoying...
And yeah, realising that there's Difference is the hardest part.