Everything changes everything.

[wolven7]

People getting divorced, people needing new jobs, house structures, work structures, fallout, emotional implications, desirous minefields of entangled distress, lines of force at cross-purposes and misunderstandings.

I came up with a new phrase today: "The Invisible Architecture of bias." I didn't say it was a new concept, just a new phrase, for it. Go ahead and google it. Just me. It describes the assumptions we make and the forces that shape us so deeply that we don't merely assume them, we live in them. It's asking a fish why it prefers to swim in water, asking a 7th generation farmer in a wheat farming community "Why wheat?" The question that you are asking is so fundamental that we can't hear it or even think of an actual answer. It simply is the world in which we live.

Why have we always lived in the castle?

The guy to whom I returned $100, the other day? He gave me $5, today. Saw me in the Publix and came up and thanked me, profusely, at length, etc., and wanted to buy me a beer. I told him I didn't think they sold singles, at this Publix (I'm right, they don't), and so he gave me cash. This was right after my coworker had said, "You never know what you're going to get at the store," and I replied, "No, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get salad." And he said, "You don't know, they might be giving out free beer." This was followed by lord_of_smoking saying "You could find another $100." To which I replied, "If I do, I'm keeping it. I'm Super-Broke, right now."

So. Yeah. Some days, magic gives you what you asked for, in Much Smaller Doses.

Tomorrow, I would like $100 to be put in my tip jar, because I could really use the money.

Tomorrow, I would like all of the weird interpersonal bullshit in my life to get sorted out, because I could really use the headspace.

Tomorrow, I would like to find and obtain a more fulfilling, higher-paying job that feeds into my career and life ambitions.

Tomorrow, I would like everything to be beautiful, for at least five minutes.

You know, in all honesty, some days I want to burn every relationship I have to the ground and dance in the smouldering wreckage. Friends, family, people I kind of know, always knew, whatever; just fuck it and off into the desert, you know? Then my mother calls, and I tell her that some guy to whom I returned $100 gave me $5 and effusive, almost-embarassing thanks, a week later, and she tells me that she's so proud of me, and I just don't quite know what to feel, anymore.

June fucked with me. Thank the dark gods it's over.

I'm welcome.

Comments

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

...desirous minefields of entangled distress, lines of force at cross-purposes and misunderstandings.

THIS LINE, right here, made me wish that the lot of us in this house worked more magic, and more along the same lines, as then we could all interchangeably work for one another on whichever goal we have the least vested interest in.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's the "More Along The Same Lines" that's the problem, there.