"Eat, Prey, Love," to steal a phrase.

[wolven7]

Last night, on twitter, I wrote, "# Some days I want to corrupt everything pure, defile everything good, and burn this whole world to the ground. And i want you to help.
"# The question for people with these tendencies is really, how do we reconcile them with the counter drives to make the world a better place?
"# Do we have to?"

In response to which, opalblack wrote the following: http://opalblack.livejournal.com/82973.html Go ahead and read it, and my response. I'll just wait, here. Good? Okay.

You need to know that this is how i feel, all the time. The back and forth between the drive to corrupt/destroy and the need to enliven and enrich. They are the same urges, they are mirrors of each other, and they are simultaneous and equally me.

When I'm with friends, after a long week, and something starts to go wrong, I want to make it better, and I want to make it worse. I want to needle, and carve, and hold and comfort. I can usually make the expressions useful. But not always.

So now you know.

Anything you want to tell me?

Comments

[mrvi.livejournal.com]

Working on something in response to vonfaustus blogspot post on Walpurgisnacht that relates to this. You will enjoy it.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Then, I am very much looking forward to it.

[unknownbinaries.livejournal.com]

I'm divided, about my Monster.

It's divided, too.

Fucking Binaries, all the way down.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I propose a quantum computing solution.

[opalblack.livejournal.com]

I love you.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I love you, too. We all do.

[mahajarabali.livejournal.com]

I applaud your honesty.

[momentai.livejournal.com]

I have an undeniable need to experience the breaking points of every person I know. it is more than compulsion, it is a fuel and something needed for me to survive. I have to know what your limits are and what your boundaries with me are, then I must cross and break them. I have to see people's reactions. I have to gauge and analyse them. I have to experience it.

Then I can move on. I can tell you I broke you and now know what not to do in the future. It is a lesson for us both and now we can move forward w/o the fear of breaking each other b/c it already happened.

But life does not work that way. I hurt people in a perverse quest for knowledge and they resent that, to put it lightly. And I have this terrifying thirst, but do not actively seek to quench it. I know it's wrong to hurt people as I do, but it happens subconciously.

It happens w/o my relaizing it as I try to always keep the need sedated. And of course, that is irrelevant to the ones I break. I know this, but have been unable to stop and unable to find people who are okay with being tested and broken and then asked to continue on together.

[l-the-fangirl.livejournal.com]

Define 'corrupt.'

If you're a member of a society with a morality system that's out of whack, 'corruption' is a healthy and good thing.

See also: my girlfriend talking about 'corrupting' me.