The Open Source Facts of Life

[wolven7]

First of all, I want to just get this out there, in case anyone thinks I don't know it: I'm a voyeur. I have been a voyeur since I was much younger than I am, now, and, despite the starting source, it is not a purely sexual designation. I enjoy the glimpses of emotionality, of honesty, of raw psychological nakedness, afforded me by those who call me friend. But, in my voyeurism, I have... I don't want to say "Evolved," because it's not the time for megalomania... Let's call it "Forced and Internal Shift." I don't care, so much, about sneaking peaks, unknown. I want it given, voluntary. That's the only way it means anything to me, at all.

If I can ask, and receive the causal, open unfolding, the clichéd pulling back of the curtain, a person leaving him or herself wide for me to caress, cut, or ignore, then it means something. And if i can put something of myself into their hands, something soft and vulnerable, and trust them, close and open my eyes and hands and let what comes come, then it means all the more. I say that I play "Trust Games," and what I mean by that is that I create systems of play, so that people feel comfortabale to open up and trust me and each other. But I always try to make it clear what's happening.

Now, maybe you think I'm too demanding. Maybe you think I'm one-sided with it. But all I know how to do (and I know I've said all of this before, somewhere) is to be open, to be honest, to say what's going on, and to hope that i reveal enough to make you feel trusted and respected. But, ultimately, I will answer what you ask, and I will lay myself open, when I can. I'm sorry if that's not enough, but it's what I can do.

Moving on. Lately, you've been hearing about a lot of the holiday troubles I've been having: Credit, Cars, Money, Etc. But we take the good and the bad, around here. So.

I got a car, with help from my father and a ride to the rental place from beard.

I got my mother a Christmas present.

My magical practice has been movinng at great pace, with wonderful moments of synchronicity in conversation and event.

Been watching a lot of Ergo Proxy with unknownbinaries, and it is awesome.

And last night, we made a delicious asiago and herb tortellini, with a pan seared pork chop, tomato, and basil sauce. Deglazed the pan with the same wine that went into the sauce, and the whole thing was absolutely delicious.

These are some of the good things.

Also, according to Widgett, my autobiography now has to be titled "Multi-Dimensional Lightning Tentacle Shrapnel Everywhere!"

Good morning.

Comments

[prosewitch.livejournal.com]

This was pretty interesting to read... I wouldn't necessarily call myself a voyeur more than anything else, but I think that there's something very intriguing about shared intimacy, whether you're trusting someone with your emotions, your views, your body... it can be downright sexy, even when the content of said exchange is not sexual.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Precisely my feeling on the subject. Openness and honesty, given and shared, freely, is one of the most deeply sexy things, ever, or Can be.

[necrophonic.livejournal.com]

Sounds less megalomaniacal and more sociopathical. There's a support group for that too, though. We meet Thursdays. Bring booze.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Shouldn't we all bring each other's favourite booze?

[momentai.livejournal.com]

you say you try to make it clear what is happening, but I don't think you succeed in that, at least not often.

you say you will return what amount of trust you can, but when you write these posts, it comes off as you wanting everything we have, regardless of any caveats, yet will only attempt to match our donation, and if you don't, oh well.

It's the impression of your attitude.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Ask an honest question, receive an honest answer. That's all I'm looking for, from any involved party. What's hard to understand about that?

Caveats are what they are, and I am hoping that what I offer, unasked, is enough to match what I am given. When asked for something, in a situation of mutual and reciprocal honesty, I will answer what I'm asked. That's all I'm looking for from anyone else.

[momentai.livejournal.com]

Honesty, sharing, and trust are more than asking random, contextualess questions, and you often ask for more even if that weren't true. What's difficult to understand is the abundant hyperbole and superfluousness you write with when you start talking about this. And again, it could just be a perception, and not what you think you are doing, but the perception is pretty important, you know?