We now return you to our regularly scheduled crap.

[wolven7]

Jack Off Jill - [Vivica]--- So, today, i was left without that sense of vertigo, and also without the sense of screwing up people's perceptions, like Death, or a member of the Endless. I was hoping to be able to ride with it, but i think my work, last night, allowed for things to be able to settle... And by gods did i have some fucked up dreams...

I'm in an odd mood, however; once again, looking at the things i don't have, in life, an the difficulties. I honestly don't think that the parts of the universe that aren't me want me to have any kind of stable relationship. But i'll cut off that line, right there, before i start getting all weird and bitchy. I will say, however, that i haven't had a date in over two years, and that it doesn't look like i'm going to, any time soon. Huzzah! Shoot me.

Dennis Leary - [Life's Gonna Suck]--- I'm wondering if there's something about the cracked out nature of my phi religion class, and the massive amounts of Teaching i have to do, in there, that makes my Mondays and Wednesdays so open and Vulnerable.... (Gary Jules - [Mad World]). Who knows... It's probably true, though. Every day i have that class i get insanely worked up, and i hate the closed mindedness of the people, in the class, so i open myself up, and i make sure that i'm seeing all possible angles... And you know what? My world view is the most unfair one there could ever possibly be. It says that, since i believe in everything, and everything's right, with enough belief, and i can make it all work together, in my head, you may be right, but i'm Always right. (Eminem - [Till I Collapse]). No matter what you say, or do, you're still right, in your mind and as far as your reality is concerned, but i am always right, because i see the value and worth in EVERYTHING. Fuck it, i'm babbling.

I'm babbling, and i think that i may be seriously mentally divergent. I don't think that i have any Disorders, and you know why that is? Because they don't affect my daily workings, in the world. No matter what happens, i find a way to get through the day, and i think that that can only get better, as i go along. I have no qualms with seeing "Hallucinations," or tasting colours,. It doesn't stop me from realising what society Accepts as fact, and normalcy. I also seems to have a bit of divergence, in the way i deal with being alone, and the way i live my life, in regards to other people.

The Avalanches - [Frontier Psychiatrist]--- So, perhaps, or definitely, i'm acutely agoraphobic, which means that i have an "Irrational" fear of people and wide open spaces. Yet i still go to sate, and besides which, i don't consider it irrational, because i distrust people, in groups, anyway. But that's neither here, nor there. I also have a slight touch of claustrophobia. I don't like being closed in, but it doesn't make me want to freak out, and kill people, like the agoraphobia. Georgia State's courtyard is one of the few places i know, where i can feel claustrophobic, and agoraphobic, at the same time. Anywho.

Cranberries - [Electric Blue]--- i call these my divergences, because, as i said they don't affect the way i deal with daily life. They merely cause a bit of a disparity, when trying to relate to the other human things, around me. I find, more and more, that the people who want to be around me, for me, and not for brief periods of time, or out of convenience, are an eternally shifting, and morphing lot, except for one or two who could be called the linchpins. But hell, what more do i really need right?

Perhaps a little stable support? FUCK! Look, i know that people don't operate a certain, way, and maybe it's my imagination, but the way people don't normally operate seems to be whatever way i Do. (Cowboy Mouth - [Love Of My Life]). It's really aggravating, whenever i go to someone, with a problem, and i'm told that people don't think the way i do, which may be true, but it sure as shit doesn't make me feel any godsdamned better about any of it. (Softcell - [Tainted Love]). So what am i to do, but sit here and feel sorry for myself? Let's all throw Wolven a little Pity Party.

Moving right along. (Smashing Pumpkins - [1979]). And i don't think that people understand what it is that i DO, online, either. I'm not simply here, to check my e-mail, and go. i don't take being online, when i am Online, as something blase, and light. I'm fucking online to talk to the people i would not other talk to. My friends, in other states, my friends on the other side of the world. People, and communication. Technology isn't your fucking tool to be used as capriciously as you may wish it, damn your eyes! Do none of you fucking communicate, or talk, or appreciate what you have, anymore?! (Kate Bush - [Brazil]). Do you not sit, and thank whatever force of science, religion, spirituality, or whatever the fuck that you believe in, that there are ways for you to talk to these people?! For you to MAKE these fucking friends that you would have never had, otherwise?? Or is that simply another one of those things that human beings don't do, that way?

Dream

Comments

[jinxvamp.livejournal.com]

*feels guilty*
i always end up coming to you with my problems. sorry.

Re:

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Don't Feel Guilty. That's part of what friends are for. Talk to you soon.

Poit and counter-poit

[karishi.livejournal.com]

So your belief system declares you always right. The difference is, if you're fully accepting the belief system of another, the exclusions of that belief system are part of it and will either limit your belief system or call you wrong, once for each time you fail to limit your views to match theirs (i.e., an infinite number of times).

So unless you're willing to limit yourself to, as you said, "the way human beings do it," your belief system makes you totally right in your own head when someone brings up a new belief system and totally wrong in theirs.
The white-space of their beliefs are part of their beliefs. If you have something else living there, it changes the picture.

Re: Poit and counter-poit

[wolven.livejournal.com]

*shrug* It all fits in my head, and that's really alkl that matters. Damn i'm selfish. YAY!!!!

i say this with love (i.e. don't get mad at me because i'm only offering advice...

[angsty.livejournal.com]

advice... and maybe a little constructive critism.)


for one: why do you need a date? be free! FREE!!!
i mean unless its directly linked to your sense of being wanted and needed and all that crap. i know i know- to each his own.
TWO: "i'm acutely agoraphobic" in a working sense of the word, agoraphobia is where someone cannot function (or leave their own home or comfort places, lest they have acute panic attacks) ask me how i know.

anyway, it sounds more like a social phobia.
i wish you wouldn't take everything so seriously. you need to lighten up and have fun! who can learn about life and living from a miserable teacher who can't enjoy life himself? you know what i'm saying? and besides which, i want you to be happy. and stop saying "fuck" mister potty mouth.

Re: i say this with love (i.e. don't get mad at me because i'm only offering advice...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

No anger... as to the 1) because it bothers me. and i don't Like being single. i don't need someone else to Function, i simply don't enjoy being single. There's a connection there, that i miss. 2) i often Can't function, at school, or in the world, in general, and i'm quite sure that the social phobia's a part of it. 3) Fuck no. XP I like the word. It adds a small edge, to my expressions of anger, tht little else can.

See you later.