A little bit blah this morning.

[wolven7]

Don't know why, but I'm feeling kind of down, today. Woke up early, from dreams of war and violence, feeling generally Meh.

I've four days, 4, to get this thesis draft in shape. I also have about 45 mid-terms to grade and then those plus another 79 to sort and organise. So that's my day, today. Doing that.

I'm having some really good thoughts on my thesis, but the more I work on it, the more I hate the rest of the damned world for what I'm doing. Makes no sense, I know, but there it is. Every time I see something, here, something new, a different way to model the human interaction on the conceptual and emotional levels, seen in terms of both of the fields in which I'm working, I feel like I'm moving in a direction, but to what end?

In other words, who really cares? Will I accomplish anything, any change in the system, before I'm 70? I don't know.

I always used to believe that the right combination of words, at the right time, and in the right place would change the worlds. Why else would I have gotten into magic, in the first place, right? And I still believe this, to an extent... But I don't know, anymore, that I have the words, and I always thought I did. I used to be able to describe a sunset in the paleolithic period, on a Tuesday, composed of mainly purples and reds. One word, and I could evoke that feeling, that image, that understanding in Everyone who heard it. I can't do that, as much, anymore. And maybe that's a personal fault. Maybe I've not been thinking about Language in the right way, anymore...

There are two descriptions of Glossolalia, and one is the one which says that everyone who you speak to, you speak in a way that they understand. You speak Italian to Italians, French to the French, and so on. These are the actual languages you speak. But the other description-- the one under which I've always worked-- says that the language you speak is understood by all who hear it. It is a language of concepts and of thoughts and meanings, a communication of pure information and feeling, at the same time... The audience hears it, feels it, knows it, understands it, experiences it, as you say it. They know it to be true, for you. They undersatnd your context.

And if everyone could speak to you in that way? If eneryone had the right combination of the right words, and the knowledge to use them? I think we could change the world...

The question, really, is: Why don't I see it, anymore? What makes this goal less clear, and less attainable?

Television wouldn't stop, you know. There would still be science fiction conventions and Monday Night Football and beer bongs and doing coke off of the asses of strippers. All of that would still exist, and if you think they wouldn't, then you don't know people. The ability to hide, to escape, to shut down and not be present would still exist, in the long run... It would just be a lot more thorough of a decision.

The only thing that would change would be everything, and there would still be the context, the Concepts for the things we need, want, enjoy...

I'm rambling, now. My apologies.

This morning, I feel like something is missing, like something isn't resonating the way it should; but underneath it all, I feel that I could snap my fingers, and open a hole in reality, and show everyone what everyone else sees, and feels and means and thinks, and I could say "See? This is what it's like."

This.

Comments

[x-bluerose-x.livejournal.com]

"If it cannot hatch from its shell, the chick will die without ever truly being born. We are the chick; the world is our egg. If we don't break the world's shell, we will die without truly being born.

"Smash the world's shell, for the Revolution of the World."

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Yes. Thank you.

You know the evolutionist's answer to "Which came first?"

How about the Theologian's?