Feeling like it's useless.
Oct. 4th, 2007 12:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolven7It feels like one of those kind of dead times, in LJ-Land. One of those places where everything's gone stale, and everyone has something else to do. As inexplicable as those pauses in conversations, across entire restaurants, but just as awkward.
(... And she says, still talking at her previous volume, "And that's how I got hepatitis.").
So, a code talker on a Russian short-wave station, I keep repeating the same string of letters, every night, displaying the same condition report, the same "please stand by" orders, to all you agents in the field, because I can't do a damn thing, until you do your damn thing. I ask questions, I offer responses, I hope to exchange useful and pertinent informations, between us, and I get "Tuesday: More of the same" and you get "Wednesday: More of the same," except in those few cases. Some people are building new things.
Somewhere, out there, people are building and growing and improving themselves (to a certain persomnal value for "improvement" if you can dig it), and it is reflected, disbursed, distributed. Somewhere someone is making her or himself better, and making the world a bit more interesting, in the process. And they don't know what to do with it. They don't know what's building, how to shape it, mould it, recombine it.
Sit down. Write something, tonight, an honest assessment of what you're doing.
Don't be unecessarily down on yourself, just write what's true, and interpret the facts after.
Just do that. For you, for me.
For the age of technological godkings and intelligent nanoclouds and demons and angels and the idea of a quantum singularity as god, and the idea that maybe, in short, some people ascribe purpose to the universe, and see a creative generative force and call that thing God, or "Superflow" or expressive-macro-idealistic-super-symbolic-reactive-thought-form.
Or Jane, Alex, Bob, Fyodor, Darrel, Rhonda, or Don.
Whatever.
Just thoughts. Think them.
(... And she says, still talking at her previous volume, "And that's how I got hepatitis.").
So, a code talker on a Russian short-wave station, I keep repeating the same string of letters, every night, displaying the same condition report, the same "please stand by" orders, to all you agents in the field, because I can't do a damn thing, until you do your damn thing. I ask questions, I offer responses, I hope to exchange useful and pertinent informations, between us, and I get "Tuesday: More of the same" and you get "Wednesday: More of the same," except in those few cases. Some people are building new things.
Somewhere, out there, people are building and growing and improving themselves (to a certain persomnal value for "improvement" if you can dig it), and it is reflected, disbursed, distributed. Somewhere someone is making her or himself better, and making the world a bit more interesting, in the process. And they don't know what to do with it. They don't know what's building, how to shape it, mould it, recombine it.
Sit down. Write something, tonight, an honest assessment of what you're doing.
Don't be unecessarily down on yourself, just write what's true, and interpret the facts after.
Just do that. For you, for me.
For the age of technological godkings and intelligent nanoclouds and demons and angels and the idea of a quantum singularity as god, and the idea that maybe, in short, some people ascribe purpose to the universe, and see a creative generative force and call that thing God, or "Superflow" or expressive-macro-idealistic-super-symbolic-reactive-thought-form.
Or Jane, Alex, Bob, Fyodor, Darrel, Rhonda, or Don.
Whatever.
Just thoughts. Think them.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 06:47 am (UTC)(and there is soo much left to do yet =)
but don't worry, gods are only as powerful as their believers and ideas are only as important as the hallmark card their written in.
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Date: 2007-10-04 02:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 05:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 12:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 02:06 pm (UTC)Another post
Date: 2007-10-04 02:53 pm (UTC)I thought you might find Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology site interesting. Especially the Cancer horoscope: http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/cancer.html
I won't write directly about it, but after some of my recent questions and comments, I thought that one especially illuminating.
I'm not where I'm supposed to be, workwise. X is supposed to give me all the tools I need to accomplish the task, and I'm supposed to put them together in a way that works. Right now, I'm programming above my head, and I don't know how to do everything I need to do, and I don't have a good reference. In theory I have everything I need, but in practice I have to do lots of research for every step I want the program to take, and I just don't know where to look. I've started looking, I haven't given up, but I'm shooting in the dark, here.
It isn't always like this. Sometimes I'm asked for something I already know, or I find the answer the first try, and it's easy and they think I'm brilliant. Right now none of my projects are like that.
Re: Another post
Date: 2007-10-04 03:04 pm (UTC)You'll be quite fine.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 04:11 pm (UTC)Other less important things are to moving boyfriend into Roswell apartment this weekend. Finish out this lease down here until the end of October. Move self to Roswell. In that order.
Also, continue petting cat while sitting down. Always.