"Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother?"

[wolven7]

Look at your life, step by step, moment by moment. Look at all the pain you've dealt with, the heartache, the trials, the things that have tried to stop you, and everything that you have overcome.

Look at every place that you have stumbled, and picked yourself back up, every place you have fucked up a small task, and beat yourself up, for it, far more than other people would have. Every time other people got far angrier than you thought was necessary.

I grant you today, to look over your life, clearly, calmly, with a just and right vision.

Recognise that, from my perspective, you are still here, sitting, standing, laying there reading these words. Which means you're better than all the bullshit, and you can continue to be.

Look at your life, today. Tomorrow, show me what you see.

Comments

[halafax.livejournal.com]

Two possible outcomes here:

1) Being institutionalized because my parents have driven me past the point of functional insanity.

2) Achieving my dreams and goals, being happyish considering that the inevitable zombie apocalypse will be here soon, and seeing those that underestimated me realize there error.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

So work on making the second one more likely.

[halafax.livejournal.com]

I dont wanna fight zombies!

but the rest is in the works, once the machinations of my plans come to fruition I will be happier. That and prove to all the grad schools Im not as dumb as I look....

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Trust me. I'm pretty sure it won't be Zombies.

[halafax.livejournal.com]

you say that now, but when the shambling hordes are beating down your door dont say I didnt warn you...

btw something to keep you entertained: www.urbandead.com

go there, kill a zombie, be a zombie..he he

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Never really a fan of zombies. They come too unilaterally, for me. It's like, if there are zombies, why not vampires, werewolves, ghosts, demons, etc?

Too unfair, too lopsided.

[misanthropic1.livejournal.com]

and they all exist too. just not in the fictional, legendry way. you need to take a more literal approach.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Oh I do. I'm just talking about in terms of cinema, and the current zeitgeist, regarding the "apocalypse." Everybody's all "zombies this," and "zombies that" and I'm like, "In the grand scheme and context of the thing, they really aren't that scary."

[misanthropic1.livejournal.com]

actually i have to admit to finding zombies hilarious, but at the end of the day its what zombies represent which is the scary thing: contagious disease which cannot be controlled easily.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that is true.

[misanthropic1.livejournal.com]

hi - am adding you to my lj f'list thing. i read a few of your comments here on wolven's lj, went to your lj to see what the rest of your writing/ viewpoint on life is like, and my brain decided it liked your brain. NOT in a zombie way, i will hasten to add.

hope you enjoy my lj, though i have to admit i'm adding you for purely selfish reasons as my friends list is not entertaining me enough when i eat my breakfast and you're interesting with the right attitude, therefore good reading.

[misanthropic1.livejournal.com]

yesterday i did all the following, at requested by a psychiatrist. we chronicaled all the things i had been through, from birth onwards, all the traumas and disasters i had lived through and picked myself up from and gotten on with my life again, all the pain, all the violence meted out on me by jealous myopic people and people who shunned my love and turned any nice deed i did to them into an act of self-harm to myself.

the psychiatrist recognised that i have great insight, and am a real survivor...

...and then he sent me for blood tests in order that he can ascertain my thyroid condition before putting me on mood stabilisers to lower my IQ, so i can fit in with the populance better, make me fat again (presumably also to make me fit in with the populance better), risk my overrall health especially as extra weight = less mobility with an arthritic back, and stop me being creative (ie stop me working) at great cost in prescription charges (which, if i don't work i cannot afford). if i refuse to take medication then they will give me electric shock therapy.

so that went well, then.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Was this court-ordered, for some reason? Is there not a psychologist, you could see, instead?

[misanthropic1.livejournal.com]

nope, no court order, i only ended up at the psychiatrist in the first place because my new 'family' doctor, at new patient registration, didn't believe i had bipolar (diagnosed feb 2004) so sent me to the psyche to have a possible rediagnosis. which i gladly went to as i would like to maybe work fulltime again one day, whihc isn't going to happen with a bipolar diagnosis hanging over my head.

my new official diagnosis is depression from birth, post traumatic stress disorder (since RTA and one of the flatlines in '97) and rapid cycling bipolar, though i could well have hypothyroidism as i have every single physical and mental symptom of it.

currently i find myself bizarrely hoping for the thyroid problem being officially diagnosed so i have some clout to argue against meds being used as an enforced strait jacket for my brain - last course of psyche meds, 2 years ago, resulted in a decrease in IQ by 30 points. though i guess being thick as shit with an IQ of 115 is an improvement on having my brain reduced to vegetable matter. the psyche assured me that an IQ above 110 is totally unnecessary for anyone, let alone me.

oh and i have a month to decide. deathrow or what?

they won't give me a psychologist - i have asked for cognitive behavioural therapy and been refused it.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That is... Completely disgusting.

[misanthropic1.livejournal.com]

such are the perils of a 'free' health service.

though, having got off the phone to my mother i am beginning to welcome the thought of electric convulsive therapy.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That's not a good thing.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

My mother?

Let me tell you about my mother...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU! JESUS! NOBODY went for the god damned Blade Runner quotes...

"Various"

[raidingparty.livejournal.com]

What did I see Friday? Huh. Game cards, mostly. I want every permutation to happen, even though that's ridiculously OC/AR. I'm probably more responsible than I should be; I should learn to delegate.