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wolven7I haven't showered in three days, because i figure "What's the point?" I'm hanging around the house, which is a hotel room, and Absinthetics is crouching in a chair, looking over the back of it. Because of the way the room's set up, i have to lean against the chair, in order to reach the TV, to turn it off. As i do this, i accidentally brush up against her, and she says "Why are you touching my ass?" i reply "I have to get to the TV, and turn it off, if i'm going to shower."
I'm out in the middle of a desert, and i hear, in my head "Dune. Arakis. Desert Planet." I'm there with two other people, and we're supposed to be finding out what happened to the people who lived here. As we land, a huge sandworm comes out of the sand, and tries to crush our ship. We run, as we have no real weapons. As we're running, the other guy in the party makes some remark about how he can't die, and trips. We make it safely to this rock outcropping, on top of a dune. Our ship is in workable shape, but not for too much longer. We get into one of the smaller ships-- one of the flyers, from "Dune", but with an inside, like the cop car from "Bladrunner"-- and we start heading off toward a university. We know that we will find, at the university, a professor who has had an integral part in dealing with these sandworms... We also realise that it's not the Sound that attracts them, but the energy put of by our engines. We're going over his files, in the flyer, and we land in an alcove, at what appears to be a hotel.
I'm in the Boys' Library, which is outside, in an alcoved garden, directly opposite/next to the Girls' Library. I'm looking around at things, on a bet, and one of the girls is in their library, doing the same. If the university masters catch us messing with the majikal texts, we'll be punished, and we don't want that. We hear a flyer land, and we run back inside, through our windows.
We get out, and we're in an alcoved garden with brick walls, and we know that, somehow, we're safe, here. We've been flying around the country side, for hours, and now we have to find the professor and do some research. All we find is more notes, and very few people. The professor is dead. He was eaten by a sandworm, out in the field. We know that he was working on genetically augmenting various species, when something went horrible wrong, and the sandworms started growing. I get back into the flyer, and wait. We need to go into the city. Another guy is driving, and he's got the feel of the plucky/annoying comic relief, and looks kind of like Jason Alexander. We start flying toward the city, and i'm wondering, why are we following the highways, when we're in something that can Fly? We make it into the city, and there are still cars moving around. I note this, and the female in the party says "Yeah, that's because there are still kids left." As if it were some kind of plague. We fly, until we reach what looks to be a fairly upscale hotel/club. Not a night club, but more like the Gentleman's Clubs, of the old days, where they say around and drank brandy from huge snifters. I walk up to the front, and Carrie, from the Chamber, is working the door. I say hey, and she lets me in, with a smile. I go inside, and there, in an extremely well lit area, are Sam, Misty, and five guys i don't know. They are sitting on couches, having conversations. I rush over to them, and try to tell them about the sand worms. They don't listen.
Optimus Prime has been captured by the Decepticons, and is being tortured, and disintegrated, slowly. He tells them that they'll never have a way to get somewhere, and that he'll put that in his pipe and smoke it. He then stumbles over his words, trying to back-pedal, because he's supposed to be a role model for kids, and not talk about smoking anything. At this point, Megatron realises something, and shouts "That's it! We finally have a bridge! We have a way in!" With that, he turns himself into a bridge, and all of the Autobots, and Decepticons drive over him, and out of the extremely small coliseum-like compound, in which they were trapped. One of the male Autobots has to help one of the females-- a Ferrari-- leave, because she's scared she won't fit. They get out, and leave Optimus there.
I'm in my great aunt's house, in which the floor is covered in sand. Some of he cast from "Friends" is there, and i'm trying to tell them about the sandworms. I realise that this is Long before any of that will ever happen... I start putting energy into the floor, and soon i see this little form, slithering toward me. I get it to follow me around for awhile, and i call people over to watch. Soon, it sticks its head out of the sand, and starts going for my finger. It has no teeth, it's a glittery purple-ish pick, and changes when the light hits it differently, and as we watch, it starts munching on sand. As it's sitting there, Joey picks it up, and asks me if i want him to kill it. I tell him no, to put it in a bucket, so we can study it. Then, thinking differently, thinking that this may be the way it all got started is tell him to put it down, and i'll kill it. He put's it down, i step on it, it burrows into the sand, and over to the wall, where is squeezes through. I kick the part that's still hanging out, until it bleeds. It bleeds purple. I tell the others that i need a key card to go next door, into the garage, and make sure it's dead. i wake up
In retrospect, i should have known, and i'm sorry. Something in my was violently bitter at the thought that Love, or any agent thereof, would come to me like that, after all the shit i'd been through, and i lashed out. I say I should have known, because i drew a picture of the small sandsnake. I drew it a long time ago, and it was part of a picture entitled "Love and Lust." It was the same colour, in the dream, as in the picture, only the dream was more real. So, after i woke up, i went back into my dream, and i fixed it. I healed the snake, and i appologised to it. It doesn't hate me, i don't think, but i think it is afraid of me. Once again, my fault.
Now, as for getting rid of the absence of something by way of letting it go: I've Tried That. It Works about 50% of the time, and not at ALL, in this case. Never has. That doesn't mean i stop trying it, because Hume may have been right. But until he is, letting go, when i have nothing else on which to focus, when all else is the same swirling mass of inconsequentia, isn't going to make my day any brighter, or do me any good. I hope this sinks in. It's not simply something i'm saying to get people off of my back about something i don't want to Do. It's something i've Done. Over and Over and Over again. I've done it. It doesn't work, here. It only works, slightly, elsewhere.
Other than that, i'm off.
Day Dream
I'm out in the middle of a desert, and i hear, in my head "Dune. Arakis. Desert Planet." I'm there with two other people, and we're supposed to be finding out what happened to the people who lived here. As we land, a huge sandworm comes out of the sand, and tries to crush our ship. We run, as we have no real weapons. As we're running, the other guy in the party makes some remark about how he can't die, and trips. We make it safely to this rock outcropping, on top of a dune. Our ship is in workable shape, but not for too much longer. We get into one of the smaller ships-- one of the flyers, from "Dune", but with an inside, like the cop car from "Bladrunner"-- and we start heading off toward a university. We know that we will find, at the university, a professor who has had an integral part in dealing with these sandworms... We also realise that it's not the Sound that attracts them, but the energy put of by our engines. We're going over his files, in the flyer, and we land in an alcove, at what appears to be a hotel.
I'm in the Boys' Library, which is outside, in an alcoved garden, directly opposite/next to the Girls' Library. I'm looking around at things, on a bet, and one of the girls is in their library, doing the same. If the university masters catch us messing with the majikal texts, we'll be punished, and we don't want that. We hear a flyer land, and we run back inside, through our windows.
We get out, and we're in an alcoved garden with brick walls, and we know that, somehow, we're safe, here. We've been flying around the country side, for hours, and now we have to find the professor and do some research. All we find is more notes, and very few people. The professor is dead. He was eaten by a sandworm, out in the field. We know that he was working on genetically augmenting various species, when something went horrible wrong, and the sandworms started growing. I get back into the flyer, and wait. We need to go into the city. Another guy is driving, and he's got the feel of the plucky/annoying comic relief, and looks kind of like Jason Alexander. We start flying toward the city, and i'm wondering, why are we following the highways, when we're in something that can Fly? We make it into the city, and there are still cars moving around. I note this, and the female in the party says "Yeah, that's because there are still kids left." As if it were some kind of plague. We fly, until we reach what looks to be a fairly upscale hotel/club. Not a night club, but more like the Gentleman's Clubs, of the old days, where they say around and drank brandy from huge snifters. I walk up to the front, and Carrie, from the Chamber, is working the door. I say hey, and she lets me in, with a smile. I go inside, and there, in an extremely well lit area, are Sam, Misty, and five guys i don't know. They are sitting on couches, having conversations. I rush over to them, and try to tell them about the sand worms. They don't listen.
Optimus Prime has been captured by the Decepticons, and is being tortured, and disintegrated, slowly. He tells them that they'll never have a way to get somewhere, and that he'll put that in his pipe and smoke it. He then stumbles over his words, trying to back-pedal, because he's supposed to be a role model for kids, and not talk about smoking anything. At this point, Megatron realises something, and shouts "That's it! We finally have a bridge! We have a way in!" With that, he turns himself into a bridge, and all of the Autobots, and Decepticons drive over him, and out of the extremely small coliseum-like compound, in which they were trapped. One of the male Autobots has to help one of the females-- a Ferrari-- leave, because she's scared she won't fit. They get out, and leave Optimus there.
I'm in my great aunt's house, in which the floor is covered in sand. Some of he cast from "Friends" is there, and i'm trying to tell them about the sandworms. I realise that this is Long before any of that will ever happen... I start putting energy into the floor, and soon i see this little form, slithering toward me. I get it to follow me around for awhile, and i call people over to watch. Soon, it sticks its head out of the sand, and starts going for my finger. It has no teeth, it's a glittery purple-ish pick, and changes when the light hits it differently, and as we watch, it starts munching on sand. As it's sitting there, Joey picks it up, and asks me if i want him to kill it. I tell him no, to put it in a bucket, so we can study it. Then, thinking differently, thinking that this may be the way it all got started is tell him to put it down, and i'll kill it. He put's it down, i step on it, it burrows into the sand, and over to the wall, where is squeezes through. I kick the part that's still hanging out, until it bleeds. It bleeds purple. I tell the others that i need a key card to go next door, into the garage, and make sure it's dead. i wake up
In retrospect, i should have known, and i'm sorry. Something in my was violently bitter at the thought that Love, or any agent thereof, would come to me like that, after all the shit i'd been through, and i lashed out. I say I should have known, because i drew a picture of the small sandsnake. I drew it a long time ago, and it was part of a picture entitled "Love and Lust." It was the same colour, in the dream, as in the picture, only the dream was more real. So, after i woke up, i went back into my dream, and i fixed it. I healed the snake, and i appologised to it. It doesn't hate me, i don't think, but i think it is afraid of me. Once again, my fault.
Now, as for getting rid of the absence of something by way of letting it go: I've Tried That. It Works about 50% of the time, and not at ALL, in this case. Never has. That doesn't mean i stop trying it, because Hume may have been right. But until he is, letting go, when i have nothing else on which to focus, when all else is the same swirling mass of inconsequentia, isn't going to make my day any brighter, or do me any good. I hope this sinks in. It's not simply something i'm saying to get people off of my back about something i don't want to Do. It's something i've Done. Over and Over and Over again. I've done it. It doesn't work, here. It only works, slightly, elsewhere.
Other than that, i'm off.
Day Dream
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Just checking...
Date: 2002-07-25 09:59 pm (UTC)Have you tried:
Concurrently letting go of the nothavingness and feeling the lusty Christmasy feeling of HAVING?
Pulling a Susan, i.e., Going to a different point in Time to ask a wiser you how to handle your situation?
Asking the impossible as if you actually expect to get it?
Damn. I'd hoped to come up with all, or at least Many of them at once, so you wouldn't have to deal with me offering advice that might or might not be totally stupid.
I'm slowly coming to understand that not everybody leads the hunky-dory charmed life that seems to follow me around like a puppy. Not everybody can get away with the crap I pull on a regular basis, because they don't know how. I always thought that was no reason to stop them; after all, I don't know how I do it...
Still, with only my experience to guide me, I have to try to teach that if you focus only on what you want -not on the repercussions of getting it or the crappy way you feel from not having it- you'll get it. Again, this doesn't work well with making things LAST, such as romance, but for kick-starting things it's quite effective, in my experience.
Re: Just checking...
Date: 2002-07-25 11:35 pm (UTC)Yes.
"Pulling a Susan, i.e., Going to a different point in Time to ask a wiser you how to handle your situation?"
Yes. i was alone, then, too.
"Asking the impossible as if you actually expect to get it?"
All day, everyday.
You do know how you do it. You DO it. "It easy, there's a trick to it. You do it, or you die." Unless there happens to be so many outside things blocking your way, or trying to make you focus on them, that your puny little incarnate mind can't handle the strain, and you snap and kill five people in a fit of rage.
We're different, my friend, The happy life doesn't follow me around, because it doesn't like the places i'll have to take it. As for not focusing on the repercussions, or blocking ANY Had information out of my head, EVER, if i did that, i wouldn't be me. We can't have that.