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wolven7And, yet again, ladies and germs, it's a full moon. And i'm inside, instead of out in the woods, running and howling, and hunting furry things, for food. I've been having some not great evenings, of recent, and i haven't gotten to do much meditation, today. I've not been commenting, enough, on the journals of others, as has been evinced by the shortage in commentary, on my own. Or perhaps i'm a greedy bastard. Ow. "You always want what you want, until you get it." Or
"What win I, If I gain the thing I seek?
Who buys a minute's mirth, to wail a week?" - Shaxespar
Bollocks to this. When this pack is done, i'm not buying another one. Going to see exactly how long i can steel myself against myself, and the social pressures, and the outside world, trying to break me. We'll see how that works... i'm not saying anything here... I'm just not...
I hate moving. i hate the fact that i've not been able to enjoy some things, because various Large Spectres have been looming over my head. The threat of Eviction, the eviction, the finding a place to live, the Moving, the needing to find another place to live, the hundred dollar phone bill, friends, imbalanced social dynamics... Blah blah blah blah blah. Right? Right. It's bollocks, and bullshit. None of it should be bothering me that much, but it is, and it's been preventing me from enjoying things like The Full Moon, or My Birthday Party, because there's so much Tension, and Fucked up Dynamics, in the people around me, that my mind is having trouble remembering what DAY it is, let alone who's doing what with or to whom. And this is, mainly, only my shit. The shit going on in other people's lives, that have the potential to encroach upon my own, is a story which is almost completely Other.
I started watching the director's cut of "Blade Runner," tonight, and didn't get to finish it. One of many tiny factors, contributing to my blah state. But not a bit of it matters, other than in that ingratiating, wheedling kind of way. Like an electrical device on, somewhere in the house, and all you can hear is the high-pitched whine of electricity, in your hindbrain. Right? Yeah.
So anyway, i'm going to go. See you all later.
Dream Well
"What win I, If I gain the thing I seek?
Who buys a minute's mirth, to wail a week?" - Shaxespar
Bollocks to this. When this pack is done, i'm not buying another one. Going to see exactly how long i can steel myself against myself, and the social pressures, and the outside world, trying to break me. We'll see how that works... i'm not saying anything here... I'm just not...
I hate moving. i hate the fact that i've not been able to enjoy some things, because various Large Spectres have been looming over my head. The threat of Eviction, the eviction, the finding a place to live, the Moving, the needing to find another place to live, the hundred dollar phone bill, friends, imbalanced social dynamics... Blah blah blah blah blah. Right? Right. It's bollocks, and bullshit. None of it should be bothering me that much, but it is, and it's been preventing me from enjoying things like The Full Moon, or My Birthday Party, because there's so much Tension, and Fucked up Dynamics, in the people around me, that my mind is having trouble remembering what DAY it is, let alone who's doing what with or to whom. And this is, mainly, only my shit. The shit going on in other people's lives, that have the potential to encroach upon my own, is a story which is almost completely Other.
I started watching the director's cut of "Blade Runner," tonight, and didn't get to finish it. One of many tiny factors, contributing to my blah state. But not a bit of it matters, other than in that ingratiating, wheedling kind of way. Like an electrical device on, somewhere in the house, and all you can hear is the high-pitched whine of electricity, in your hindbrain. Right? Yeah.
So anyway, i'm going to go. See you all later.
Dream Well
