I have a quandary:

[wolven7]

Johnny Cash - [He Turned the Water into Wine (Live)]--- This quandary of mine, I think it should not be a quandry, were it not for what I stand... Well. Here's the quandary:

I have two friends whom I've not seen in... Years, and these friends are now in a very good position to help me out with something I might want, or, in fact, need, in order that I may feel better about the direction of my life. They can provide me with the in and experience I need, in order that I might achieve a certain goal. (Bill Evans& Jim Hall - [I've Got You Under My Skin]). Now, I've been trying to get in touch with these friends, for a few months, you understand, becuase this kind of shit is. . . *Deep breath* I've been trying to get in touch, because these people were my friends, years ago, and by god, here they fucking are, aren't they? Why not.

So, in trying to find time with these friends, everything has conspired to make it a No-Go. (AFX - [Laughable Butane Bob]). But now... Well, now is when that "Thing I Want/Need" comes in. Me, mech_angel, and lord_of_smoking have been working on something, but we need assistance. At the very least, we need examples of previous works. One of these Friends In Question is in an absolutely perfect position to get me just that. AS you can see, however, it will likely look, to that friend, as if my sole intention, from the beginning had been to ask for their inside track, when this is not, in fact, the case; it simply Became the case.

Deadsy - [Paint It Black (Rolling Stones Cover)]--- The Quandary: Do I A) ask for the assist, from the familiar corner, seeking the aid they can potentially provide, running the risk, in the process, of alienating the person who may be best able to assist me, causing them to think I'm acting in bad faith, or B) look to some other means of information gathering?

Danny Elfman - [Augustus Gloop]--- "Grosse Pointe, I need your help." If you read this, and never chime in, neer have anything to say, but could take a moment to consider this, I'd appreciate it.

And no, I won't be giving any more public details, for a bit. Vaguaries are all you get, for a bit, yet.

In less quandary-related news: 'The tentative detection of low frequency radio waves on Saturn's icy moon, Titan, could signal an underground ocean of liquid water, a new study says. If so, it would be good news for the possibility of life beneath the surface of this bizarre world.'

[Edit: 1.24am: Panacea - [Tron (Remix)]--- Don't stop posting new advice bits, just because it maybe looks like some kind of resolution has been reached. I want input from each of you, if you have it to give. And you do. You process information, and yes, it's your place. I just told you it was.

Jesus.]

Comments

[bluesummers.livejournal.com]

If you need "examples of previous works," then I'd think you should at least be able to approach them professionally or academically, and your history with them (as long as your general contact didn't end too badly) could only help. But then I might be assuming this is for a different sort of thing than it may actually be.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Keep in mind, when I say years, I'm saying the last time we saw each other, we were kids. I was probably about 11, and he 17, the last time we had more than e-mail contact.

[bluesummers.livejournal.com]

Ohh... Well, in that case, he'd probably either A. be amused and interested to be hearing from you, especially in a context of mutual achievement or B. not remember you, then remember you, then goto A. Either way I think contacting him for it would be fine.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we've talked, briefly, via e-mail, and we remember each other correctly, so that stage is done. As I said to kitsuchan, we've just been having a hard time getting anything more than brief e-mails, back and forth, to work.

To now step up with an e-mail that could be read as "and oh, by the way, I've got this Thing I';m trying to do, and you do exactly this kind of Thing, for your job, and hey, isn't it a co-inky-dink that it's actually You for whom I'm trying to do this thing, my friend, from Back In The Day? How weird is that? Anyway do you have a cup of assistance, I could borrow?"

[bluesummers.livejournal.com]

Again, just approach it professionally and I think the biggest problem you could have would be if he didn't have the time. Unless you end up inadvertently threatening him with mob action then I doubt he'd get weirded out to the point of total avoidance over someone valuing his experience and perspective.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Fair enough.

[laxiola.livejournal.com]

I agree with bluesummers, I don't think it would be an issue to ask for assistance. Unless the guy is terribly unprofessional and mean-spirited, I can't see why he'd have a problem helping you out, even if you haven't talked to him for quite a while. I think of it in terms of asking an old friend or co-worker for a job reference. We're friendly, we help each other out when we can.

I doubt he'd get weirded out to the point of total avoidance over someone valuing his experience and perspective.

Totally. What he said.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. Thanks for the input.

[moonandserpent.livejournal.com]

I say B.

Or A with a complete infodump upfront.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I'm generally a fan of the complete infodump, in general, and it would be a standard part of the Asking For Assistance Package.

[kitsuchan.livejournal.com]

I'd say keep trying to get in touch. Tell them that you need the help but that you've been trying to get in touch for a while now. And most importantly, stay in touch afterwards so that they know you were also there for the friendship.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Well, we've talked, via e-mail, prior to this bit of quandary, but we've simply never been able to arrange a face to face and, every few weeks, the e-mail conversation just kind of... trails off.

Definitely would be keeping in touch, and would like to, either way, but it's hard to convey that, in this time of communication. If not done Exactly Right, it just looks like I'm trolling for an in...

[tsarina-bomba.livejournal.com]

Be honest with them. If you get in touch with them, just let them know what's going on. That's the best I can give without knowing the full situation...like if you want their firstborn child I'd probably go with B but if you're just wanting some input/examples then it should be fine.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Don't need a first born, just a script.

[cailement.livejournal.com]

I agree with above. since you've been in contact for a whiles, and if you are TOTALLY upfront about it, s/he can't be upset if you bring it in later. You can even say, "look I really don't want this to look bad, I do value your friendship and don't want to fuck it up, but I've been trying to do this thing for a while and (god this is going to look so bad) I was wondering if you remember . . . " say that you are uncomfortable in asking because s/he probably gets shit like this all the time (if it is who I think it is) or that you are uncomfortable in asking because you haven't seen each other in person, but you would still like to, just to catch up even if s/he says no.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much what happened, yeah :)

[sadistic-apollo.livejournal.com]

total and complete honesty*, which a touch of catchin up, is usually the best way to approach somethin difficult or awkward. Knowin that yer personal and professional pursuits tend to coincide shouldn't come as too much of a surprise to him.

*unless you're explaining to a bunch of four year olds where puppies go when they die.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Puppies go to puppy heaven. They have to go there, through a hole in the ground.

hehheh

[cailement.livejournal.com]

I love the way you look at the world.

Re: hehheh

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

well...

[misanthropic1.livejournal.com]

i have not yet looked at anyone else's replies so as not to sully my thoughts.

there are a few points of view that can be looked through when considering this. the most obvious is that you will be considered a user but as i was about, in my normal tactless manner, to call you on it, my subconscious mind came out with the following:

it could well be that the problem presented itself, that you feel only these people from your past can help you with, BECAUSE you need to contact them. for all you know, those people may need YOU more than you need them, either right now or soon. so your subconscious snagged on thinking only these people can help you in order to make you contact them. if this rings true to you then contact them, explain and if they are the good friends you always thought, they will know you enough to understand how fate works regarding you.

and, having read the above back, i see the truth in it. contact your friends in any way you can.

Re: well...

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Well said. We'll see how it goes.

[thurisazshole.livejournal.com]

contact them. let them know what your up to but don't ask for assistance yet. if they seem interested, provide more details as to your current (if any) sources and approaches. "full infodump" as you two put it.

if they are not interested, continue on with the friendship unabashed, and use those other sources. either the old friend will come around and offer assistance or they won't.

options. people like options, and they like to feel that it was their choice for things as such.

either way, you keep the friendship. - that is, unless your asking for their firstborn as already stated above. :P if this is in fact the case, request it be pureed first. more versitile thataway.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Then we could market it as a "Rejuvenation Formula."