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wolven7The Art of Noise - [On Being Blue]--- "There has been a... a wrong thing." I have been untrue, to myself, recently, and i have been far too focused on things that do Not Matter. The "Drama" that's been discussed, here? The pettiness, and spite, of it all? That has been my focus. Not only has it been my focus, i've been running away from it, at the same time. This has caused, within me, a schism; a breakage. I've lost a piece of myself, after all of that fighting, so hard, to integrate and retain myself, as a whole. In running away, in trying to take Control of the situation, while running away, i've proven myself-- to myself, at the very least (The Art of Noise - [Continued in Colour])-- a coward. I've denied an integral part of myself.
I work in and with Conflict. (The Art of Noise - [Rapt: In the Evening Air]). I deal with these situations as a whole, and Always, because it is [one of] my function[s]. If people bring it to me, that is. If people come to me, and ask me to help, then i do, and i do it well, because that is who and what i am. I make my best effort, and i help what i can, and i move on. That's what Messengers do. Does this mean i want the Drama? Hells no. But it does mean that i should not be running from it. I should be waiting, and watching, and listening for an asking of assistance. But i've been running. Not listening.
The Art of Noise - [Metaforce]--- As i look back, upon the whole situation, from the beginning, i see that no one has asked it of me. There is no need for these feelings of fear and dismay. If people want to be petty and violent, then that is what they want to do. Giving unbidden advice, as i have often stated, generally only meets with resistance, and animosity. So i will wait, of to the side, and not leave anyone. Dropping people, due to idiocy, is no longer an issue. But don't be surprised when i tell you, outright and up-front, what a Fuck you're being, if you are happening to be a fuck. It's meant as a sign of how much of a friend i consider you, if i do this, either to you, or on your behalf.
The Art of Noise - [The Holy Egoism of Genius]--- Also, i've decided to have another go at quitting smoking. With that slow suicide, my focusing on the mundane, and my cowardice, i've not been the person i believe i should be, and it's caused me to lose contact with someone about whom i care, very much. We spoke, today, and we came to an understanding. I'm starting by slowly weaning myse-- Yes, i said weaning. The infantile reference is apt, as i obviously needed that kind of assistance.
Anyway, i'll be weaning myself off of the cigarettes, a little at a time, with this, my (hopefully) last pack. There are 12 left in the pack, and i should be able to do this. And with the effort and showing of what Won't Power i posses, i should be able to Stay quit, no matter the circumstances. My art will become my habit, and when i cannot Draw, i will write. When i cannot write, i will Read. Or Breathe. Admire the days and ways and patterns in Life, as Carasael would have said, had it not been murdered. (The Art of Noise - [La Flûte de Pan]). Aye... I should be able to do it...
But right now, i need to work on re-integrating myself with myself, and remembering who i am, and was. (The Art of Nose - [Metaphor on the Floor]). I need to be rid of this low-level sense of displacement, and disjunction. And for that, i need to search, within myself. I need to meditate, ladies and gentlemen, and i'm off to do so.
Day Dream
and if i'm not back
Dream Well
I work in and with Conflict. (The Art of Noise - [Rapt: In the Evening Air]). I deal with these situations as a whole, and Always, because it is [one of] my function[s]. If people bring it to me, that is. If people come to me, and ask me to help, then i do, and i do it well, because that is who and what i am. I make my best effort, and i help what i can, and i move on. That's what Messengers do. Does this mean i want the Drama? Hells no. But it does mean that i should not be running from it. I should be waiting, and watching, and listening for an asking of assistance. But i've been running. Not listening.
The Art of Noise - [Metaforce]--- As i look back, upon the whole situation, from the beginning, i see that no one has asked it of me. There is no need for these feelings of fear and dismay. If people want to be petty and violent, then that is what they want to do. Giving unbidden advice, as i have often stated, generally only meets with resistance, and animosity. So i will wait, of to the side, and not leave anyone. Dropping people, due to idiocy, is no longer an issue. But don't be surprised when i tell you, outright and up-front, what a Fuck you're being, if you are happening to be a fuck. It's meant as a sign of how much of a friend i consider you, if i do this, either to you, or on your behalf.
The Art of Noise - [The Holy Egoism of Genius]--- Also, i've decided to have another go at quitting smoking. With that slow suicide, my focusing on the mundane, and my cowardice, i've not been the person i believe i should be, and it's caused me to lose contact with someone about whom i care, very much. We spoke, today, and we came to an understanding. I'm starting by slowly weaning myse-- Yes, i said weaning. The infantile reference is apt, as i obviously needed that kind of assistance.
Anyway, i'll be weaning myself off of the cigarettes, a little at a time, with this, my (hopefully) last pack. There are 12 left in the pack, and i should be able to do this. And with the effort and showing of what Won't Power i posses, i should be able to Stay quit, no matter the circumstances. My art will become my habit, and when i cannot Draw, i will write. When i cannot write, i will Read. Or Breathe. Admire the days and ways and patterns in Life, as Carasael would have said, had it not been murdered. (The Art of Noise - [La Flûte de Pan]). Aye... I should be able to do it...
But right now, i need to work on re-integrating myself with myself, and remembering who i am, and was. (The Art of Nose - [Metaphor on the Floor]). I need to be rid of this low-level sense of displacement, and disjunction. And for that, i need to search, within myself. I need to meditate, ladies and gentlemen, and i'm off to do so.
Day Dream
and if i'm not back
Dream Well
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no subject
from jinx and corvus (too lazy to log in)
no subject
Date: 2002-07-20 04:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-07-20 03:48 pm (UTC)Yes, meditation & yoga - trying my best at controlling breathing patterns with various pranayama techniques etc...hoping to control my wandering thought levels somewhat, and begin to master my mind more. It's a much needed step for all forms of enlightenment. I hope your meditations are successful too. Good luck with the cigarettes ;)
Hrmm
You KNOW what I have to say about your quitting smoking...
Oh, and check out my DJ. It's...odd...
Re: You KNOW what I have to say about your quitting smoking...
Date: 2002-07-23 12:25 pm (UTC)Pooptastic
Date: 2002-07-21 10:59 am (UTC)http://www.holycow.com/dreaming/helio/
hehehe...
Congratulations, lad, you found a Truth!
Several, looks like, and ones that will eventually be happy, even...
(VERY happy for you)
love
saigh
Re: hehehe...
Congratulations
Date: 2002-07-22 08:59 pm (UTC)Re: Congratulations
Date: 2002-07-23 12:10 pm (UTC)