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wolven7KMFDM - [03 Blood (Evil-Mix)]--- Don't remember the dreams, very well. I only got six hours of sleep, and that's a generous estimate. I went to bed at 3.50, and woke up, for the first time, at 9.34. I woke up, again, at 10. I don't know why, other than the shite going through my head....
KMFDM - [04 Lust]--- It seems like, all around me, things are in a state of violent, slow change. And no, that's not an oxymoron, so much as it may be an improper arrangement. The change, itself, is slow, and barely noticeable, but when the realisation comes to those involved, the reaction, the shock, is definitely of a violent nature. There are people i haven't see, recently, to be certain, and i'm sorry for that, but it seems that, in the interim, I've lost all former knowledge as to who they were and are as people. They've changed. (KMFDM - [05 Glory]). i don't mind change. That's not really the issue... It's the kind of change, here demonstrated, that bothers me. I don't know these people, anymore, and it bothers me... There are so many things i'll have to re-learn, and re-understand... And i don't know if i have the time...
There are so many things going on, in all of our lives, that i can't exactly force people to say to themselves, "Hey! Maybe I should take some time out, and reestablish my friendship with Wolven." (KMFDM - [06 Move On]). My breath tastes like broccoli and cheese. But, because of the factors, and my want for people to get their shit worked out, before trying to make them deal with me, i may miss the opportunity to work this all out. It may slip further and further from my grasp, and degenerate to the point where i'm trying to scoop a new kind of primordial soup of a friendship through a sieve, and, oh, by the way, it's toxic to me, now. It's insane, and extremely frustrating. (KMFDM - [07 No Peace]). I don't want that to happen. Which is one of the many reasons for the four day event that my party is becoming.
I want to know people, again. i want to connect, and to re-connect. There are so many things that are in flux, and up in the air, that i don't know if i'll be able to do something of this nature, again, for a very long time. So i have my birthday party, and i invite every damn person with whom it appears that i retain even a Ghost of a connection. (KMFDM - [08 A Hole in the Wall]). I want to strengthen these things, i want to draw them together. And i know that "Everything Must Change," but, to continue the quote stream, "Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit." Nothing is truly lost. There is always the ability to bring something back, no matter how small. And who says things have to change for the Worse? I could, as easily, facilitate and catalyse a beneficial change, for everyone i know, and make things, if not perfect, then at least a little better. But that would require consent, and a level of knowledge, concerning the various situations, that i simply do not consciously have. So i wait, and see what factors i can bring to myself, and what sorts of things i can do, with what i have, when i have it all together. It'll be all i can do.
KMFDM - [09 Sucks]--- So, until then, i call people, and i deal with my daily life. The changes-- the declines-- are prevalent, and inherent, even there, but they are something that i can at least observe, ad change, continually. And i'm sure that there are people who will read this, who will observe that i, too, have changed. Some will say it's for the better, some for the worse. But i want to make it clearer than an obsidian scrying mirror that, if you want to know who i am, if you think i've changed, and you need to relearn me, i will always be here. All you have to do is ask. And that's all i'm going to be able to do with everyone else. For now.
Day Dream Well
KMFDM - [04 Lust]--- It seems like, all around me, things are in a state of violent, slow change. And no, that's not an oxymoron, so much as it may be an improper arrangement. The change, itself, is slow, and barely noticeable, but when the realisation comes to those involved, the reaction, the shock, is definitely of a violent nature. There are people i haven't see, recently, to be certain, and i'm sorry for that, but it seems that, in the interim, I've lost all former knowledge as to who they were and are as people. They've changed. (KMFDM - [05 Glory]). i don't mind change. That's not really the issue... It's the kind of change, here demonstrated, that bothers me. I don't know these people, anymore, and it bothers me... There are so many things i'll have to re-learn, and re-understand... And i don't know if i have the time...
There are so many things going on, in all of our lives, that i can't exactly force people to say to themselves, "Hey! Maybe I should take some time out, and reestablish my friendship with Wolven." (KMFDM - [06 Move On]). My breath tastes like broccoli and cheese. But, because of the factors, and my want for people to get their shit worked out, before trying to make them deal with me, i may miss the opportunity to work this all out. It may slip further and further from my grasp, and degenerate to the point where i'm trying to scoop a new kind of primordial soup of a friendship through a sieve, and, oh, by the way, it's toxic to me, now. It's insane, and extremely frustrating. (KMFDM - [07 No Peace]). I don't want that to happen. Which is one of the many reasons for the four day event that my party is becoming.
I want to know people, again. i want to connect, and to re-connect. There are so many things that are in flux, and up in the air, that i don't know if i'll be able to do something of this nature, again, for a very long time. So i have my birthday party, and i invite every damn person with whom it appears that i retain even a Ghost of a connection. (KMFDM - [08 A Hole in the Wall]). I want to strengthen these things, i want to draw them together. And i know that "Everything Must Change," but, to continue the quote stream, "Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit." Nothing is truly lost. There is always the ability to bring something back, no matter how small. And who says things have to change for the Worse? I could, as easily, facilitate and catalyse a beneficial change, for everyone i know, and make things, if not perfect, then at least a little better. But that would require consent, and a level of knowledge, concerning the various situations, that i simply do not consciously have. So i wait, and see what factors i can bring to myself, and what sorts of things i can do, with what i have, when i have it all together. It'll be all i can do.
KMFDM - [09 Sucks]--- So, until then, i call people, and i deal with my daily life. The changes-- the declines-- are prevalent, and inherent, even there, but they are something that i can at least observe, ad change, continually. And i'm sure that there are people who will read this, who will observe that i, too, have changed. Some will say it's for the better, some for the worse. But i want to make it clearer than an obsidian scrying mirror that, if you want to know who i am, if you think i've changed, and you need to relearn me, i will always be here. All you have to do is ask. And that's all i'm going to be able to do with everyone else. For now.
Day Dream Well
Not Change, precisely...
I haven't changed. Maybe that's bad, for me, but if it makes you feel any better there's no relearning here...
Miss you...have major unbreakable commitments for part of this weekend, but i don't want to bail on you, though to thik on't it may make your weekend less stressful an i did...
Contact me about guest list...i may have to ask permission to bring people i can't dump...one of them's a redheaded lesbian with some of the perkiest... uhh...nevermind... so i though maybe best to clear that, besides not wanting to bring any outsiders in if unwanted...
saigh
Re: Not Change, precisely...
It's funny how i sometimes Miss the things i type. I usually catch those. Anyway, some of them are simply surfacings, REsurfacings, or back-slidings. Others however, are changes. They were slow, and oddly built. But they were changes. As to the Metaphysical and Emotional fluid exchange, All i want from my friends, in that respect, is to be able to hug them, or talk to them, and not have anyone feel awkward. Other, deeper things can be integrated on a case by case basis, if needbe.
I'm glad you're not someone i'll have to drastically re-learn. As to the guest list, there are potential areas of conflict, yes. I would also like to stave off the meeting of anyone new, until after i get re-settled... *sigh*... Email me, directly, i guess, with your decission, as it were.