These Things I Have Done.

[wolven7]

I have written 1.5 pages on the nature of Intrinsic and Instrumental Value.

I have e-mailed the Study Abroad centre, here, with an extremely glowing, flattering e-mail, letting them know that they are the only ones who can possibly help me, with the distance learning program for Exeter, because only they would have an idea of how I was to procede, and I heard that on the authrority of the Director of Graduate Studies, for Religious Studies. Embelished, maybe. Lies, no. However, I sent it to the centre's intern, as i figured she would be the most... sympathetic to my cause.

I have researched, for hours.

I have re-watched most of the 1963 version of "The Haunting," and I still find it far superior, in all respects, to the remake.

I have freaked out, just a little, about the nature of hopeless- and helplessness that can be felt in academia, when you don't have many sympathisers.

I have decided to say fuck that noise. I wasn't raised to Need People. That sounds fucked up, and those of you who know me well may think it's bullshit, but it's true. I was raised to know how to get what I need from the people around me, and to not be ungrateful, or assholish, once I got it. They don't get discarded. What i'm saying is, I'm not a user. But I know how to get what I need.

I don't need people to sympathise, you understand; I only need them to know that I know what I want, and that they are the easier way to it. With them, things go more smoothly; together, we can do more, more quickly. That kind of thing.

But, if I have to, I will do this without them. It'll simply take a little longer.

I'm for a shower.

Comments

[ego-likeness.livejournal.com]

Good man.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I try.

[not-hothead-yet.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry it's such a struggle for you... it shouldn't have to be, you are right about that. RUles and regulations and prejudice can be SUCH a trial, as you well know... but have you given much thought to USING your practice to help this move along?
meditation isn't enough... you need to go back to basics and do more "white light" I think.

[wolven.livejournal.com]

It's hard for me not to think of that as unfairly manipulating people, but I think that's just because I lost sight of the ways that don't require it, for a while.

Either way t goes, I think it's time for something new. And you guys were in my dream last night, for a little bit.